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Education

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Original poster

Big problem at school, please advise

82 replies

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 11:08

Right this will be long so get comfy.

About 2 weeks ago now maybe less, Dd1's friend who i'll call Molly, came out of school saying that during her maths lesson with Mrs X she had got several questions wrong and the teacher had called her stupid, resulting in her classmates calling her stupid at break time.

About 2 minutes later Dd1 came out and overheard what was going on and said that Mrs X had also called one table pathetic and the whole class silly and stupid.
Dd1 wasn't too bothered by this so I decided to leave mentioning it until parents meeting which was yesterday.

In the time between the incident and parents meeting I vaguly questioned Dd1 as to what exactly was said and her story never ever changed so I told her I would speak to her teacher about it (maths teacher is different person). Dd1 was quite happy with this which is why I believe her. In the past if Dd1 has been telling lies, the thought of me telling the teacher has been enough to bring out the truth.

Anyway at parents meeting yesterday I did say to the teacher that I was concerned about the maths teacher but I let Dd1 explain what had happened and again her story was the same.
The teacher said that another parent had also complained (Mollys'mom) and that she could only apologise and say that she would investaiget it further.

This morning Dd1 walked up to her class with Molly and her mom as I was wrestling dd2 into her classroom. Mrs X came over and asked if she could speak with Mollys mom and me. Mollys mom went in and explained where I was. Mrs X was insistent that Molly be in the room and then basically proceeded to question Molly as to exactly what she was accusing her of saying she would never say such things as she had been bullied as a child and so knows what it's like.
She also said she had been crying about it all night and that she could be sacked and then started to cry again.
I am horrified that she seems to think that sort of behaviour infront of a child is appropriate or proffesional.
Molly apparently wouldn't say a word (can't say i blame her) and the teacher just kept going on about she could be sacked or perhaps she should retire.

I think the way Mrs X has handled the situation is awful and almost like she was trying to guilt Molly into admitting she made it up.

I'm not sure if she will want to speak to me when i colect Dd1 but tbh if she does I am not sure what I should say to her.

Who am I supposed to believe ??

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 11:12

bump

OP posts:

sandyballs · 19/10/2005 11:18

Blimey, can't believe she reacted like that! Like you say, very unprofessional. No advice really but hope this will bump it for others to comment.

FauxVampire · 19/10/2005 11:19

Perhaps she should retire. Sounds like she lost it and said completely inappropriate things in class - but she's really compounded it by this latest stunt. Appalling that Molly should have had to be subjected to that cruelty - who's the grown-up here? The school should investigate it - they'll be in position to know if this is repeat behaviour on the teacher's part (which it probably is).

Your poor dd and Molly will need to be protected IMO - it's the school's problem, not theirs.

JonesTheSteam · 19/10/2005 11:20

Not really sure I can advise, but think Mrs X's behaviour is extremely unprofessional.

The last thing she should be doing, now, surely is taking Molly and in her mum into her room, on her own (?) and questioning her, and then bursting into tears in front of her. If there is going to be some sort of investigation, she should not be doing this, she should be talking to her union rep and waiting for a formal discussion to take place!

Sounds to me like Molly has been very consistent with her story - is she normally a truthful child, do you know?

How long has this teacher been at the school? Have there been any rumblings about her in the past?

3PRINCESSES · 19/10/2005 11:21

Terrible way for an adult, and a professional one at that, to behave in front of a child. IMO the fact that she treated Molly like that adds a great deal of weight to the belief that she was guilty of the original accusation. If she wasn't why react like that?

If she does want to speak to you later I would agree, but absolutely refuse to allow your dd to be present. She shouldn't have to deal with another adult's emotional blackmail. Perhaps you could ask for the class teacher to be there

Bozza · 19/10/2005 11:23

Have you spoken to Molly's Mum about it? What is she planning? Think you/she/both should ring the head to discuss. Hopefully Mrs X will have realised that she behaved badly this morning and keep a low profile at home time.

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 11:25

Not sure how long the teacher has been at the school but she has been teaching for years apparently.

A few of the other parents that know have been shocked as they say she is lovely, but I do know that she has a reputatin for being strict and shouting alot.

I think that the head possibly doesn't even know about this yet as it was Dd1's and Mollys teacher that told Mrs X, don't think the head has been told at all.
As far as I know Molly is generally a truthful child, can't see her making it up especially knowing that there would have been wittnesses.

Dd1 has lied about things before but like i said, she has never let it go as far as me speaking to the teacher before she tells the truth.

There is one other girl who also said that this did happen, but her parents haven't complained.

I feel slightly sorry for the teacher, as perhaps it was a one off and she lost her cool. I don't want her sacked but i think she is dealing with it in entirly the wrong way and making it worse.

OP posts:

Berries · 19/10/2005 11:26

I agree, talk to her if she asks, but do not allow your dd to be present. If she insists suggest a formal meeting with class teacher/head present as well. Sounds like she has completely lost it. I also don't think she would be likely to get sacked if this was a first incident. My sis was advised BY THE HEAD of her dds school to put a similar complaint in writing, as they knew it was going on, but couldn't do anything about it unless a formal complaint was made (totally ineffectual head imo) Hope your dd realises that teacher was in the wrong.

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 11:26

I have already told Mollys mom that if Mrs X does ask to speak to me I will not allow Dd1 to be present unless the head is also there.

I think we are going to wait and see if Mrs X speaks to me later before deciding what else to do.

I also want to speak to Dd about it again too.

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Tiggiwinkle · 19/10/2005 11:30

I agree that this should definitely be brought to the heads attention. Totally inappropriate behaviour on the teachers part of which the head should be aware.

FauxVampire · 19/10/2005 11:30

Nutcackle, your dd needs to know that 'telling' is the right thing to do if she sees something wrong going on, and she won't get into trouble for telling.

Otherwise next time she might not tell, and the consequences could be worse for her.

puff · 19/10/2005 11:30

Molly's Mum definitely needs to see speak to the Head about this, as do you, so the Head can get the whole picture and decide how to handle the situation.

JonesTheSteam · 19/10/2005 11:31

Sounds to me like there are too many children saying the same thing for you not to believe Molly.

And agree with 3Princesses - the fact that she behaved the way she did with Molly and her mum this morning suggests that she is guilty. As a teacher, if there were ever any problems with a parent, we were advised never to talk to parent alone, but to have another member of staff there as well. So the fact that she intervied M and her mum this morning is a bit odd, and as you say is making the situation worse.

TBH I would refuse to talk to her unless the head and the class teacher to whom you made the initial complaint are there.

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 11:32

Oh i agree that Dd1 and Molly both need to know that telling us anytihng innapropriate that happens at school is essential and that we would believe them.

Unfortunatly I think Molly will now be much too scared to say anything mobre about it. She is only a quiet little thing and was upset that she had upset the teacher this morning.

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JonesTheSteam · 19/10/2005 11:35

Think the head should be made aware of the way the teacher acted this morning with Molly as well - how upsetting for the poor girl!!!

screemie · 19/10/2005 12:26

I would go straight to the head. The teacher needs to be suspended before she starts bullying other children and trying to intimidate them or make them feel guilty about telling the truth.

crunchie · 19/10/2005 12:50

Personally I think the way MRSX has behaved is worse than the original issue, that could have been a one-off or something. However I do think something needs to be said, but low key. Molly's mum and you should perhaps talk tothe head and explain your concerns. But don't go in all guns blazing, rightly or wrongly the teacher MAY have been having a bad day (not condoning her, but until you know if her cat died that morning (!) or something) give things the opportunity to calm down and have a quiet word.

CreepyJess · 19/10/2005 12:54

Perhaps MrsX is having a nervous breakdown or something? (Not that this is any excuse.. but may be the reason. It can't be 'normal' for her to behave like this or else she would not have had a teaching carreer of 'years' behind her.)

CJ x

FauxVampire · 19/10/2005 12:56

I wondered about that, CJ.

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 16:44

After further questioning by me, Dd1 has admitted that she was infact lying. The teacher did not call them pathetic, silly or stupid.

I am speechless that she let it go so far.

Wether or not Molly was telling the truth i don't know.

I am so upset and annoyed that Dd1 has done this. How on earth can I ever beloeve a word she says again.

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winnie · 19/10/2005 16:51

nutcackle, I have only just read this thread and think the teachers behaviour infront of a parent and Molly and your dd was inappropriate whatever had or had not been said.

Do you think your dd could be saying she lied in the hope that the problem will all go away rather than because she really did lie initially?

kid · 19/10/2005 16:52

Oh no, I was convinced she was telling the truth. Especially after the way the teacher acted. If I was the teacher and I hadn't said it, I wouldn't be over concerned by it as the rest of the class would have been witnesses.

I don't know what to say about what you should do. Are you planning on punishing your DD? If she gets away with it, then she may do it again in the future. If she looses something (grounded, no toys / TV) then she should think twice about doing it again in the future.

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 16:54

That was my inital thought Winnie and so I explcitly explained that she was not in trouble so long as she was telling the truth.

She is lying, i can tell now.

I agree that the teacher still behaved wrongly this morning but can now see why she was soooooooooo upset.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 16:55

I have told her she has to apologise in person to the Mrs X and her own teacher.

Am stuck for a punishment have started a thread.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcackle · 19/10/2005 16:55

I don't think she will think twice about doing it again what ever i say/do.

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