Big problem at school, please advise

[nutcackle]

Right this will be long so get comfy.

About 2 weeks ago now maybe less, Dd1's friend who i'll call Molly, came out of school saying that during her maths lesson with Mrs X she had got several questions wrong and the teacher had called her stupid, resulting in her classmates calling her stupid at break time.

About 2 minutes later Dd1 came out and overheard what was going on and said that Mrs X had also called one table pathetic and the whole class silly and stupid.
Dd1 wasn't too bothered by this so I decided to leave mentioning it until parents meeting which was yesterday.

In the time between the incident and parents meeting I vaguly questioned Dd1 as to what exactly was said and her story never ever changed so I told her I would speak to her teacher about it (maths teacher is different person). Dd1 was quite happy with this which is why I believe her. In the past if Dd1 has been telling lies, the thought of me telling the teacher has been enough to bring out the truth.

Anyway at parents meeting yesterday I did say to the teacher that I was concerned about the maths teacher but I let Dd1 explain what had happened and again her story was the same.
The teacher said that another parent had also complained (Mollys'mom) and that she could only apologise and say that she would investaiget it further.

This morning Dd1 walked up to her class with Molly and her mom as I was wrestling dd2 into her classroom. Mrs X came over and asked if she could speak with Mollys mom and me. Mollys mom went in and explained where I was. Mrs X was insistent that Molly be in the room and then basically proceeded to question Molly as to exactly what she was accusing her of saying she would never say such things as she had been bullied as a child and so knows what it's like.
She also said she had been crying about it all night and that she could be sacked and then started to cry again.
I am horrified that she seems to think that sort of behaviour infront of a child is appropriate or proffesional.
Molly apparently wouldn't say a word (can't say i blame her) and the teacher just kept going on about she could be sacked or perhaps she should retire.

I think the way Mrs X has handled the situation is awful and almost like she was trying to guilt Molly into admitting she made it up.

I'm not sure if she will want to speak to me when i colect Dd1 but tbh if she does I am not sure what I should say to her.

Who am I supposed to believe ??

Mojo I am not convinced that there is always a proper reason.. (although there may be of course).. but kids just seem to so these things sometimes because they can. They are not mature enough to consider or care about the possible implications or effects.. and then when the lie escalates, become even more unwilling to tell the truth until they feel they HAVE to..

Just bumping this to ask you if you saw the head tofday and did you get things sorted out?

Right I took Dd1 back into school at the end of the day today for her to explain herself and aplogise.
She apologised to Mrs X first who nearly cried again. She asked her why and Dd1 said she didn't know. Then Mrs X said to me that she would never dream of speaking to a child in such a way. I agreed and apologised again. Mrs X then hugged Dd1 and said she was very grateful for the apology and that as far as she was concerned that was the end of the matter.
I asked if she wanted Dd1 to explain to the head and she said as long as I was in agreement she didn't feel it was needed really as it would only prolong the whole thing.

I was happy with that.

Dd1 then spoke to her own teacher. She apologised and said that she lied and her teacher basically said how dissapointed in her she was and that it was a very nasty thing to do. Dd1 told her she would never do it again.

Neither teacher wishes to pursue it with the head or enforce any more punishment on Dd.

I am glad the whole thing is over tbh, altjough obviously dd is still doing her punishment.

What I am annoyed about is that seeing as Molly was the initial instigator she hasn't been made to apologise or been given any punishment by her parents.
Mollys mom said she had told Molly she had to apologise whilst at school today, but Molly said she hadn't had chance. She had Mrs X for maths today so she had plenty of chance thats for sure.
They know I am punishing my Dd and seem to think I am being to harsh. I think Dd is getting away lightly really.

Anyway, I think Mrs X is just glad it's all over and she could tell I was upset about it too as she said for me not to apologise when i did as it was not my fault, kids will be kids.

I don't think there is anything else going on which made Dd do this. I am inclined to think that she thought she was backing Molly up and helping her and it then all spiralled out of control (which in no way excuses her behaviour).
Dd1 is very happy at school, she has lots of friends and is in the top group for every subject so is having no problems as far as I know.

Oh I can't remember who asked now, but yes I have made sure that everyone who knew about it has been set right and been told the truth.

Thankyou all so much for your advice, it was a great help.

I am very glad that this had such a positive outcome

I agree that Molly's parents should be taking a tougher line, but it sounds like you have handled the situation well .

Thanks . I'm not sure who was more nervous going to see the, teachers me or dd.

glad it all seems ok now, must be a relief for everyone involved.