Update on husband who never left the sofa

[Newstart02839]

I dont know if anyone will be interested or even remember (I have name changed) but I just wanted to give an update
I have posted on here many many times feeling desperate and too scared to take the leap and separate. Been with husband 25 years, 2 teenagers. Over the past 6 years unfortunately he had a mental health crisis which he hasn't been able to fully recover from and he hasn't engaged well with the recovery services offered to him. Instead he chose to leave his job, and stop living his life. He has sat on the sofa watching tv for 15 hours plus every day for the past 5 years whilst me and the children lived life around him. Things got worse and worse. I became desperately unhappy. So did the children as their dad didn't actually participate in their lives. He was just there.
This past year my health was hugely effected from the stress and it has done me permanent damage. That was when I decided enough is enough. I told him I wanted to seperate 2 months ago and he has been moved out for 1 month so far.
Whilst I am extremely sad it has come to this, I feel like a different person. I feel free. I feel like im living again. My kids are happier. I am so proud of myself for doing this . It should have been done years ago.
Initially the plan was to take time apart, co parent and stay friends at the very least. Still try to function as a family unit but live apart. Unfortunately that has not happened. He has withdrew even further and is not communicating. He has barley seen the children, and does not contact our son at all. This means I am doing 100% of everything but I was already when he still lived here. He actually told his parents that hed left me and said it was me that did nothing and sat around all day. Absolutely unbelievable after what my family has had to tolerate this past few years. Luckily his family know the truth and know this isnt true. We are going to see them today and are still in contact.
I dont know exactly what the future holds, but I know for sure I have done the right thing.
Please please dont keep putting it off for years like I did. You are losing years of your life.

• I do not consent to this being put on social media.

Good luck to you OP and all the best 💐

Good for you, OP. At least you're no longer doing 100% with another adult sitting on the sofa watching TV 15 hours a day 💐

I remember your thread before, well done glad things have improved for you

Well done for making your children live in a happy, cheerful, healthy home.
You will all be used to walking on eggshells and, from experience, that takes a long time to leave you.
Please talk to the children about this, it will help them to recognise if they have these tendencies.
i wish all calm and joyful lives.
xx

I find it really admirable that you've come this far and on top of that also preserving the relationship with his family - I think this really demonstrates that you've been putting your DC first and thinking about their best interests all the way. I hope things continue to get better all the time for you all

I remember your thread and am so pleased to read this update. You and your children can have a happy, healthy life now. Wishing you all the best OP, you should feel very proud of yourself.

Well done! I remember that thread. Never ever go back to him.

So pleased to read this xx

I do remember you really well !! Crack on lovely, itsazwaste of life putting up with that

I remember you first thread...well done. More dm's should take your lead and do the same.

I remember too, well done and wishing you and your children all the best.

Well done! Were his parents ok about having him? Presumably he’s the same at theirs. It’s a good thing he chose to go, I think the worry was that he simply wouldn’t.
I’m really pleased it’s worked out.

I remember your thread. Well done you. I'm glad you've got him to leave. The guilt can sometimes be such a killer, stopping you leaving someone who is mentally ill, but as you found, when you are the only functioning parent then their needs come first. I'm glad his family are still supportive. What a waste of life for your ex h.

I remember you @Newstart02839 ! Well done and all the best - onwards!!! X

I remember feeling so sad reading your threads, and that's a lovely update OP. I'm so glad you found the courage to separate. You and your children deserve to be happy - and not forced to wallow alongside someone in a swamp of depression.

I remember you too, I’m so pleased for you, relish your freedom!

Well done for doing it and for posting about it here to be inspiration for others

I remember your thread too. So, so pleased that you’ve separated from him. Have you started the Divorce proceedings yet?

And well done for doing everything for so many years whilst also maintaining a good relationship with his side of the family.

So happy for you, and in awe of your bravery. The best is yet to come 😘

I remember your thread, so pleased for you!

well done OP but your social medai consent form means zilch

Thank you for updating us - I really hope it continues to go well for you. Keep coming back if you feel able.

I remember you, well done, I hope thing’s continue to get better and better for you

Agreed.

X

I remember, well done!!