Update on husband who never left the sofa

[Newstart02839]

I dont know if anyone will be interested or even remember (I have name changed) but I just wanted to give an update
I have posted on here many many times feeling desperate and too scared to take the leap and separate. Been with husband 25 years, 2 teenagers. Over the past 6 years unfortunately he had a mental health crisis which he hasn't been able to fully recover from and he hasn't engaged well with the recovery services offered to him. Instead he chose to leave his job, and stop living his life. He has sat on the sofa watching tv for 15 hours plus every day for the past 5 years whilst me and the children lived life around him. Things got worse and worse. I became desperately unhappy. So did the children as their dad didn't actually participate in their lives. He was just there.
This past year my health was hugely effected from the stress and it has done me permanent damage. That was when I decided enough is enough. I told him I wanted to seperate 2 months ago and he has been moved out for 1 month so far.
Whilst I am extremely sad it has come to this, I feel like a different person. I feel free. I feel like im living again. My kids are happier. I am so proud of myself for doing this . It should have been done years ago.
Initially the plan was to take time apart, co parent and stay friends at the very least. Still try to function as a family unit but live apart. Unfortunately that has not happened. He has withdrew even further and is not communicating. He has barley seen the children, and does not contact our son at all. This means I am doing 100% of everything but I was already when he still lived here. He actually told his parents that hed left me and said it was me that did nothing and sat around all day. Absolutely unbelievable after what my family has had to tolerate this past few years. Luckily his family know the truth and know this isnt true. We are going to see them today and are still in contact.
I dont know exactly what the future holds, but I know for sure I have done the right thing.
Please please dont keep putting it off for years like I did. You are losing years of your life.

• I do not consent to this being put on social media.

Well done, OP! Glad your keeping in contact with his parents and that they saw through his nonsense. He will probably not change. This is by far the best thing for your and your children. All the best.

I remember you too. You were in a very difficult situation but I think you have done the very best thing for you and your children.
I’m sure it wasn’t easy but that black cloud has gone and you and your children can live a normal life.

A huge well done. So glad you have done this for yourself and for your children. Hope you have a happy future.

Well done OP. I remember your original thread.

You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. He is a lazy lump of lard. It’s refreshing that you are no longer tethered to him. Hopefully you and your DC will continue to have a happier existence without being tied down!!

I remember you. Well done for being so brave and taking this step. You and your dc deserve to be happy. 💐

Delighted to read this! Well done, OP. I'm so happy for you. 💐👏🎉

Yessss!!!! Well done!

I remember your thread.
Well done @Newstart02839 im so happy for you. I read your thread and remember thinking how on earth can she carry on living like that and how could you get out of that situation.

You deserve all the relief you feel and more. Hugs to your kids. I hope their dad realises one day that they are worth more effort than he has put in.

congratulations to you 🩷

Well done 💙 we only have one wild and precious life x

Good for you! Unfortunately you're statement at the bottom won't prevent it being used on social media so you may want to ask HQ to delete if you don't want it shared elsewhere.

Well done OP. Don’t berate yourself for not doing it earlier. You did the best you could and you’ll always know you gave him plenty of time to engage with medical/psychological support. If someone refuses then there’s not much you can do except move on. I’m delighted you and your children are thriving.

Well done. Just to let you know that you yourself have put this on social media across the entire world and anyone can use and republish what you have written.

I remember your original post. I'm so glad that you are happy now 😀💐

Thank you for the update 😀

Not sure why that's relevant. Same goes with anything you put on social media, including your post 🤦‍♂️

I hope many more women follow your lead... It's always better to be alone, than to be with a useless/ disgusting/ disrespectful/ lazy/ (add the quality that bothers you the most) man.

That’s a truly inspirational post. Thank you and welcome to your new life. Enjoy !!!

And your point is?
OP is an inspiration to others who might be struggling with similar, she might help someone else escape a shit relationship. It's positive that she has shared on social media for peeps to read and talk about.
OP thank you for coming back to let us know the outcome.
This a fantastic update OP, you and your kids have lives now that you can enjoy.
Well done for breaking free, you deserve every happiness and wishing you all well for the future.
If this inspires only one other person to leave an abusive /damaging relationship then you have done something really special for a stranger too.

Well done OP - you are stronger that you think!

Very best wishes with your new life and I hope you find happiness and the peace you deserve with your children.

OP I have a difficult day ahead that I'm dreading but your update has lifted my spirits so much .
Thrilled for you and in awe of your courage .Well done !!!
Thank you so much for updating .
I'm holding all good thoughts for your future .

I read your original post and just wanted to say well done. You should be very proud of yourself.

I do remember you and I'm really glad to read the update. All the very best to you!

• I do not consent to this being put on social media.

You have already consented to your posts being put on social media or used in any way that Mumsnet sees fit. If this feels awful, please report your post asking for the tread to be removed. People who know you would likely recogise your family.

Well done OP. It must feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

I understand to some extent - my DH suffers badly with poor mental health and has done plenty of stints just becoming one with the sofa, sleeping his day away. The way you put it...while we live on around him, has really struck a chord with me.

I remember your post — good decision, OP.

I think in this heat everybody with a leather sofa is to be fair.