Update on husband who never left the sofa

[Newstart02839]

I dont know if anyone will be interested or even remember (I have name changed) but I just wanted to give an update
I have posted on here many many times feeling desperate and too scared to take the leap and separate. Been with husband 25 years, 2 teenagers. Over the past 6 years unfortunately he had a mental health crisis which he hasn't been able to fully recover from and he hasn't engaged well with the recovery services offered to him. Instead he chose to leave his job, and stop living his life. He has sat on the sofa watching tv for 15 hours plus every day for the past 5 years whilst me and the children lived life around him. Things got worse and worse. I became desperately unhappy. So did the children as their dad didn't actually participate in their lives. He was just there.
This past year my health was hugely effected from the stress and it has done me permanent damage. That was when I decided enough is enough. I told him I wanted to seperate 2 months ago and he has been moved out for 1 month so far.
Whilst I am extremely sad it has come to this, I feel like a different person. I feel free. I feel like im living again. My kids are happier. I am so proud of myself for doing this . It should have been done years ago.
Initially the plan was to take time apart, co parent and stay friends at the very least. Still try to function as a family unit but live apart. Unfortunately that has not happened. He has withdrew even further and is not communicating. He has barley seen the children, and does not contact our son at all. This means I am doing 100% of everything but I was already when he still lived here. He actually told his parents that hed left me and said it was me that did nothing and sat around all day. Absolutely unbelievable after what my family has had to tolerate this past few years. Luckily his family know the truth and know this isnt true. We are going to see them today and are still in contact.
I dont know exactly what the future holds, but I know for sure I have done the right thing.
Please please dont keep putting it off for years like I did. You are losing years of your life.

• I do not consent to this being put on social media.

He's probably stuck to his new sofa.

Well done op! I am so happy to hear that you feel freer.

I think I told you to take an axe to the sofa, but you’ve done much better than that. Well done - onwards and upwards!

Congratulations OP - I remember your post ages ago and so glad to hear things have changed!

This is a wonderful update. YOLO and this is a big step for you!

Good for you! It should be entirely obvious to his parents which one of you is doing everything and which one isn’t!

Well done.

Have you gotten rid of The Sofa?

Well done OP, now you can live your life.

A relationship ending is always sad, but glad you took the courage to leave, and make a life for yourself. Onwards and upwards.

I remember the thread. Well done for changing things. Onwards and upwards! 💐

I read your story and am really pleased for you that things have moved forward to a more happy life . Your husband had checked out of living and you and the children can start afresh .

Do you now sit on the sofa, I’m in a relationship where he lies on the sofa so no one can sit on it. When he leaves I’m planning to sit on it for a full week!!

Ah I’m so happy for you, you must feel like a great bloody big weight has lifted.

Well done OP.

Every time we get a thread like this, the OP always says ‘I wish I’d done it earlier’. Such an important message to all those people posting on here in unhappy relationships. Don’t waste time.

I remember your original post, OP, and thought your situation was horrifying. I’m so glad you’ve been able to take charge and ask him to leave. Things will get easier and hopefully your husband will eventually get the help he needs.

For the best. But sad your husband has what sounds like severe depression. I hope he can access services. But you did the right thing.

I remember you and I did hope you would leave him, but wondered if you ever did it. I’m so proud of you. At least you and your children are free to live your lives. He lied because he is embarrassed. You’d think this would have kicked him up the arse to get motivated and throw the tv out and start living?! But no, he’s going to watch tv and forget he ever had children. I wonder if he’ll even clean his place and make food? Or just live in filth and eat take aways. Anyway well done you 👏 💐

I don’t remember the original thread, but I had a friend in a very similar situation. Her DH was diagnosed with depression and didn’t engage with the sevices offered. He spend most of his time watching TV or sleeping, put on a load of weight as he was so inactive and compulsively snacking. It turned out that he had an undiagnosed brain tumor. I’m not saying this is the same in your case, but it worries me how many people jump to the LTB option, if my friend had done that it’s likely her DH wouldn’t be here now..

I hope you’ve got yourself a lovely new sofa!

Well done OP! I remember your previous thread and I'm so glad that you don't have to live with him any longer.

I remember you! What a huge step. Well done x

Very well done. It must’ve been so hard to break that inertia he’d created in your lives. I’m so pleased you feel so free. Because you are.

Good for you and all the best for the future to you and the children.

Mental illness is a terrible thing. It's sad for him and I'm sad to read that moving out hasn't had any impact. You are not his carer. Hopefully one day he will be able to engage and move forward, if only for his own sake.

You've got this.

Thank you for the update OP. I love to hear an OP and DC are doing well.
Also curious about the sofa…hopefully you heaved it out the door and bought a new white 🤣one to enjoy.

take care
take time
take it one day at a time

Well done @Newstart02839 I remember your post - am so pleased for you and your children 👏❤️👏❤️