I’ve fucked up

[Fuckedopc]

Today is my mum and dads 25th wedding anniversary and a big deal to them.

I’ve not seen them for over 8 weeks and stuck to all the rules. Me DH and DS have all been at home with no contact with anyone.

My mum asked me to come down today and I went with the present (and my own chair and own drink and sat away from my mum and dad and their neighbours as it’s a shared yard garden)

3 other people turned up (neighbours daughter who works with my mum, and friends of my parents) lots of alcohol sloshed about (I took my own) , DH came to pick me up with DS and was obviously not impressed and now isn’t speaking to me.

I feel really shitty about it, in my defence I didn’t know all those people were going to be there. How do I make this right?

As long as you stayed 2m away i don't see why he is so angry?

Did you and your son stay a safe distance away from them all? If so, although it’s against guidance, then it’s no different to being at the park surrounded by strangers 2m apart. If you didn’t went closer than that then I can understand why your husband is annoyed. If that’s the case, hopefully everyone will be ok and your husband will come round.

Make it up to who?

The General Public (who you could go on to infect, if you've picked it up from the crowd today) or your DS or your DH?

You didn't know they were going to be there, but It's no excuse as YOU shouldn't have been there in the first place and you didn't have to stay when they turned up.

You made a lot of choices today that were very selfish.

Your DH has every right to be pissed off with you.

If it's your DH you want to 'make it up to' then I guess a shower, clothes in the wash and a very sincere apology & assurance you won't do it again would be a good start

Well you can't make it right as it's too late.

It's my parent's anniversary today but we FaceTimed them although they asked us to go round and sit in their garden. I just don't want to take any risks with them so I told DD we couldn't go.

Your DH is probably fucked off because what you did wasn't great tbh.

As long as you stayed 2m away i don't see why he is so angry?

2m isn't actually some miracle barrier. When you're interacting with people it's much more likely the disease will be transmitted than when you're not (friends in the garden are not the same as strangers in the park) Gardens 'can' be quite enclosed and mostly parks have better airflow.

Also do you mean social distancing went out the window due to all the alcohol?

DS was only there at pick up - I was there a couple of hours.

I stayed 2 metres away but I went to the toilet once.

My mums just rung to see of I’m okay - they are all still in the garden.

I won’t see anyone else to infect as we are both WFH for the foreseeable.

I fucking hate this - what world do we live in where I’ve got to feel so sorry about seeing my parents.

Better airflow?? For goodness sake. It was silly of your parents but I wouldn't worry. We had a friend in the garden this afternoon. 2 metres distancing & plenty of airflow.

Oh, @Fuckedup, please don't beat yourself up. The risk is exactly the same as if you met in the park, the rules make no sense, and it's all fine. Don't listen to the doom merchants. 💐

There is no evidence of the disease spreading outdoors by the way.

There is no evidence of the disease spreading outdoors by the way.

Do you have a link for that? Only I’m now wondering why we’ve been consistently advised to keep at least 2m apart from other people for the last three months when we’re out and about.

I fucking hate this - what world do we live in where I’ve got to feel so sorry about seeing my parents.

It’s shit but it’s just how it is at the moment. You can now meet your parents in a park. The fact that you used their toilet is, I imagine, one of the reasons the government haven’t said gardens are ok, there’s always the temptation to just pop in the house or share facilities like you did. I can see why your husband is pissed off. You’ve all put yourselves and others at risk. But it’s done now. If I was your husband, I’d want to know that you don’t plan on doing it again.

Honestly you did nothing wrong. You were outside and at a distance. Please relax and don't be made to feel guilty. I've done similar at my parents. The COVID effect is real and just as damaging. Peoples mental health and livelihood is important. People are being encouraged to work in offices with other people and having to travel in enclosed spaces at barely any distance in order to do so. You sat outside and a distance away from a small group of people.

One of my closest friends works in a COVID ward and feels we need to start to live a normal life. With no vaccine in sight we have to find a way to live with this virus.

There is no evidence of the disease spreading outdoors by the way.

Yes, not a single case was reported after the Cheltenham Festival

There is no way I’d do it again - I’ve not seen them for 8 weeks the only reason I went today is because of the anniversary, their expectations and the present.

Why’s he so angry, what did he wish you to do, leave? You social distanced, very few people have it, likely one in four hundred, and healthy people under sixty five have a tiny tiny chance of being very ill

Yes you broke the rules, but can he not contextualise the risk?

Thank you @Notcoolmum I’m usually good at managing risk (it’s actually my job) but this virus has scared me so much.

I’ve been having some very dark thoughts. I’d rather not be alive then live like this.

Yes, not a single case was reported after the Cheltenham Festival

Yes because this scenario is just like cheltenham,,🤣

Why has the virus scared you? Maybe spend some time looking at the statistics and it will help?

I also don't know if you've been to horse racing but it's got packed bars. It's really not like meeting your mum in her garden.

There is no way I’d do it again - I’ve not seen them for 8 weeks the only reason I went today is because of the anniversary, their expectations and the present.

They could have just celebrated it themselves, they shouldn’t have expected anything from you, that was unfair. But equally you didn’t have to do as they wanted. I think your husband and child are more important than their anniversary. You could have just left a present for them.

I’d be pissed off if my partner did this. His mum has tried to apply the pressure but he’s refused to visit them

Apologise. You’ve said you won’t do it again. There’s nothing more you can do now.

He's not there to police you OP: you've nothing to be sorry for. I went to see my dad today with DP, we sat in the garden apart and it was lovely - did his well-being and ours a whole heap of good.

I guess the media has done a pretty good job on me and DH @Bluntness100

None of us are shielding and we’ve stuck to all the rules (my parents and their neighbours too) I looked up the stats around our local area - 12 people out of 11700 in our local area have died and they seemed like low odds.

I know we all need to try and get on with our lives as we’ve made sure the NHS isn’t overwhelmed - DS is due to go back to school in June but I’ve still fucked up.

I feel like I can’t think straight or make a good decision these days.

I’ve been having some very dark thoughts. I’d rather not be alive then live like this.

Does your husband know you feel this way. Talk to him. Contact your doctor if you continue to feel this way. It’s shit and really hard. Things will improve in time.

DS is due to go back to school in June but I’ve still fucked up.

But it’s done. Move on. I’m sure your husband will get over it. There’s no point beating yourself up for things that you can’t change. Do talk to your GP if you continue to feel low.