I’ve fucked up

[Fuckedopc]

Today is my mum and dads 25th wedding anniversary and a big deal to them.

I’ve not seen them for over 8 weeks and stuck to all the rules. Me DH and DS have all been at home with no contact with anyone.

My mum asked me to come down today and I went with the present (and my own chair and own drink and sat away from my mum and dad and their neighbours as it’s a shared yard garden)

3 other people turned up (neighbours daughter who works with my mum, and friends of my parents) lots of alcohol sloshed about (I took my own) , DH came to pick me up with DS and was obviously not impressed and now isn’t speaking to me.

I feel really shitty about it, in my defence I didn’t know all those people were going to be there. How do I make this right?

[DollyPartons]

Fuckedopc in a couple of weeks we will have a bubble of 10 people , so you're 2 weeks or so early , see it like that and don't be made to feel bad by anyone.

One issue is your parent making you feel this is a big deal. Yes it's 25 yrs but fgs, we've all had to miss out. If you're a parent now, you can discuss and if they make you feel pressured, time to step back. Is your d.p making you feel bad , not talking to you regularly? I get perhaps he has fear, but it's another level of he making you feel bad on purpose.

I've tried to minimise catching or spreading as the majority big us will. We are all going to cut loose, get it wrong and can't feel wretched about it. jeez look at all the celebs, advisors , ministers. They're human too,vjust like you

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

You haven’t mentally damaged your son
He will greet his pals play like mad and. Forget all about this pandemic in a day or too
You need help with those dark thoughts ring the doctor in the morning as a priority

[Saladmakesmesad]

The problem isn’t your actions or whether they’re risky or not. The problem is that you made a decision about the risk that affects him too. That’s really unfair and I’d be gutted in his position. Not because the risk was so very great but because he has been at home for weeks too and then by not leaving (which you could have done easily by pointing out you were all breaking the law) you made a choice to expose him to that degree of risk too. Why didn’t you check with him? He could have come and picked you up.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with your mental health though. Have you spoken to your partner or the GP about it?

[Fuckedopc]

I’ve not spoken to anyone about how I’m feeling. I’m usually so level headed and positive. I’ve never had any mental health issues before.

[Mascotte]

@Fuckedopc ring or email the Samaritans, they're lovely and will understand.

[GabsAlot]

according to the covid calculator im low risk which im sur[prised about being overweight

youve done it now it was for a special occasion i think hes being a bit harsh now

[peoplepleaser1]

OP don't beat yourself up. IMO it's maybe a mistake to have stayed but show me someone who doesn't make mistakes! It's so easy to see how this happened and you have my every sympathy.

So stay as calm as you can and bear in mind that as you've had a fair amount of alcohol (apologies if that's incorrect but it's the impression that I had from your OP) you may not be in hen best place to have a frank discussion with your DH.

Sleep on it. Apologise to your DH and start afresh. We've all made mistakes, and that's okay.

[CoffeeRunner]

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP. You’ve abided by the rules (2m apart).

If it helps I also feel guilty. On Wednesday I had a day off, I went to Lidl & into B&M. I didn’t wear a mask. I socially distanced as much as possible (some people do just walk at you!) and I had no cough. Thursday I went to work (Hospital). Staff were being randomly offered Covid testing so I said “yeah, why not”. Turns out I am Covid positive.

I feel tremendous guilt for anyone I may have met on Wednesday.

[lyralalala]

I'd be pissed off if DH did this. Not specifically about the risk factor, but your DS seeing it. It's been murder explaining to the kids as it is that they can't meet a group of their friends even if they promise to stay apart without adding "but Mum/Dad did it" into the mix.

[Fuckedopc]

Sorry to hear that coffeerunner hope you’re okay.

[CoffeeRunner]

I’m fine thank you OP. Pretty symptom free, just feeling a bit run down which isn’t that unusual 😂.

[SquashedSpring]

I honestly think that the vast majority of people are trying their best right now and I do worry about the psychological burden which is been placed upon people with regards to feeling responsible for covid deaths.

My beloved Grandmother died of norovirus, which she obviously caught from someone, but although it is frowned upon to send children back into school or to return to work while potentially still infectious, I've never heard anyone being accused of killing people for doing so.

Same with flu, tens of thousands of people die every year from it, but I have never heard it said that those deaths are the fault of whoever infected them.

I am really concerned about the effects of guilt on both the short and long term mental health of everyone right now.

[Otherpeoplematter]

Supermarket staff matter too “I won’t see anyone else to infect as we are both WFH for the foreseeable” but you’re going to the supermarket weekly? Many supermarket staff have vulnerable family members at home and they have no option to WFH.

[nannybeach]

"People who condem you should get a life", this IS life at the moment. No-one has said we will be allowed a "bubble" of 10 people, if it becomes possible, it is only that 10, you cannot be in anyone elses bubble.I have a vulnerable DGs, my DD cannot go shopping, he wont be going back to school.

[nannybeach]

There is and has been for some time annual vaccines against flu, if you have that you are going to be bed ridden, not running round infecting others. I have several friends who claim to have flu and go to work, it knocks you out, the vaccine is available for everyone who wants it, for a couple of quid. With this virus, you can be completely asymptomatic, and spreading it without knowing, or thinking you have an allergy, hayfever.

[Goatymcgoaty]

Maybe underneath it all he’s a bit jealous?

[StrawBeretMoose]

It's done now OP but I think @Saladmakesmesad sums it up fairly well.

Up until yesterday it was more of a collective/team effort, you were both on the same page, now maybe you've turned to the next page without discussing it. It's fair enough for him to be annoyed, I'm sure you've been annoyed at him before.

It's very important that you speak to him and someone who can help with your mental health. MH issues can be difficult and dangerous too. 💐

It was unfair of your parents to put expectations on you but tbh I know mine would be the same if we lived a bit closer. The distance involved means for now we can keep our distance without having to counter their twisted version of the guidance.

[CherryStoneTree]

Bluntness likes to come along and say no one who’s healthy doesn’t die, but try grinding a 50 year old who doesn’t have high blood pressure etc, but considers themselves young and healthy, but would be reported as dying with an underlying medical condition.

So many people are going to see others now, using the toilet you touched the toilet, door handles etc. You shared a cup etc.

You shared it with your household or shared it with your mum and her friends who shared it with their friends at work. Or the Pierson they pop and have a cuppa with tomorrow and then that person goes and works in a care home. No problem.

[Bluntness100]

Eh? Calm down, not liking the message, for whatever bizarre reason that is, doesn’t change the fact approx 150 healthy people below 65 have died.

Facts are facts. Scare mongering doesn’t change it. Nor do the facts cancel the need for social distancing.

[tootyfruitypickle]

Op don’t worry about it , I’m starting to do limited meet ups in gardens. Mainly for my dd’s mental health .