I’ve fucked up

[Fuckedopc]

Today is my mum and dads 25th wedding anniversary and a big deal to them.

I’ve not seen them for over 8 weeks and stuck to all the rules. Me DH and DS have all been at home with no contact with anyone.

My mum asked me to come down today and I went with the present (and my own chair and own drink and sat away from my mum and dad and their neighbours as it’s a shared yard garden)

3 other people turned up (neighbours daughter who works with my mum, and friends of my parents) lots of alcohol sloshed about (I took my own) , DH came to pick me up with DS and was obviously not impressed and now isn’t speaking to me.

I feel really shitty about it, in my defence I didn’t know all those people were going to be there. How do I make this right?

[Puppybum]

My DS has been working in a place that prepares food, 30 blokes and then they serve it. He's been doing this for months. Ffs I'm sure you are fine sat in a garden!!

[StoutDrinker2019]

I had my parents visit this weekend. They live 100 miles away and had to stay over. Stop flaming people it's pathetic. We are adults and we make our choices. And no we don't believe everything we read in the papers. 2017 had more deaths due to a flue epidemic. We didn't go into lockdown for that. The key scientist predictions have been widely discredited. The NHS is not overrun. Sweden is doing pretty well considering and are not experiencing a second peak. Go figure.

[Totopoly]

@Fuckedopc

You did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, given the way you have been feeling, you did something right.

You haven't been out, other than once a week to the supermarket, for eight weeks. This is not normal or healthy. Even according to the strictest earlier rules, this is far more Draconian than necessary.

I have done various things that are "against the rules", because I would sooner be dead than locked up. It's better for my family that I am alive and a bit grumpy than suicidally miserable.

What would upset me most in your situation is your husband's reaction. Can you tell him how you feel about the situation generally? I would find it impossible to live with someone who was actually sulky and angry with me for this. I'm just glad my DP (we don't live together) thinks the same as me.

How is your DH going to manage in a fortnight's time, when DS goes back to school? Is he going to try to keep him off until it's "safe", at some point in never-never land?

[etopp]

Really makes you wonder why you're bothering to follow the rules

Because of the strange herd mentality which seems to have overwhelmed so many people. If anyone actually stopped to think about why they are bothering to follow the rules, a lot more of them might sensibly not carry on bothering.

[Delatron]

I think we know sitting outside 2m apart is low risk.

I think many people are struggling to see how sitting 2m apart in a busy park is different to a large garden. I guess it’s because people will use the loo/ touch cups etc.

However, it’s still low risk. As long as you washed hands thoroughly. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it.

[BBCONEANDTWO]

Don't feel guilty - you're human - if your DH isn't speaking to you he'll come out of it.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

but how can using a private toilet be anywhere near as high risk as a public toilet in a park? Or a picnic table or bench that another person has just vacated compared to op bringing her own chair?

The infected person leaves the virus in the toilet, and then the people in the house repeatedly come in contact with it - a public toilet or bench will be different people, you may say that's worse? But the difference is the viral load that the individual gets is more likely to be large enough to cause problems.

Reality is of course neither scenarios are very likely at all, but that is why the home toilet to outsiders is riskier.

[bubblesandbeer]

If I'm honest I don't know a single person in real life who hasn't done what you did today OP. Friends, family, neighbours- everyone I've spoken to have had people over or visited others in the garden at some point. I'm not saying it's right but you're not alone. Also mental health is important too, it probably did you the world of good. Don't feel bad.

[Maryann1975]

I know what you did was technically against the rules, but honestly I think a lot of people have done similar things. Many might not be honest, but people are still meeting up. Two neighbours at the top of my road have removed a fence panel from their back gardens so they can socialise together without anyone seeing them getting together. I have no idea why trawling round a garden centre is different to sitting in your parents garden. Or why walking round the park with your best friend is allowed but not sitting in her garden.
I think government have made a massive mistake in allowing childcare and education to reopen before allowing people to see family.

[venusandmars]

The problem is that it is an accumulation of risks.

• one risk, meeting another person for a limited time, out of doors
  
• multiple risk to be meeting several people, even if you are 2m apart, everybody raising their voices bound to have more aerosol distribution than 2 people conversing relatively quietly.
  
• staying for a couple of hours, 6 times the risk of staying for 20 minutes
  

add in alcohol and you're starting to get some poor decision making

• staying for a couple of hours in the company of several people versus 20 minutes with one other
  
• oh and drinking, then obviously needing the loo. What on earth is the point of taking your own chair (that you sit on presumably with pants and trousers), then going into the house, and sitting on a loo with a presumably bare bottom, and touching door handles, taps, shared towels, toilet flush etc. Possibly the same one that all the other guests touched?
  

One risk is fine, all those risks together. Not fine.

[Delatron]

I think the fact the government didn’t address the family issue was a huge mistake.

My Dad quite rightly said that strangers can see/touch his toddler grandchildren in nursery soon but he can’t. Now I understand it’s to get people back to work and grandparents are at risk but still. This week I think there have been far more people doing the ‘socially distance cuppa in a garden’ thing.

You use common sense and assess risk.

[MerlinsButler]

It's absolutely fine. You did what you needed to do for you and your family. No different to meeting someone in a Park. As long as you maintained social distance you're fine. If your DH can't see that then that is his problem. Do no give it another thought.

[Horehound]

@Bluntness100 I'd like to see a source for that claim too please :)

[Mascotte]

😱 a bare bottom!

[Notcoolmum]

www.covid19survivalcalculator.com/

Have you tried this? Might help you feel more reassured.

[Annebronte]

It’s done. Probably you will all be ok. Your husband will get over it. If you stayed 2m apart and washed your hands when you went to the loo, you were pretty safe. WHO only says 1m for social distancing, after all.

[nobodysdaughter]

@Mascotte a bare arse 😳

[Mascotte]

@nobodysdaughter

[nobodysdaughter]

It was a wild party alright!

[recycledbottle]

I dont understand why your DH is so angry. He knew you were going, he knew you would keep 2 m distance and may have to use the bathroom. The fact there were two additional people 2m apart is hardly a reason for kicking off. Is your DH shielding? Is he especially concerned? The rules are there to help NHS cope, not eradicate the virus. Why did your Mum ring to see if you were okay? Did your DH make it so obvious he was pissed off.

[InFiveMins]

Why do you have to make it up to him. You did nothing wrong. People are seriously overreacting on here.

[Success1986]

I broke the rules today as well 🙄had my mum for tea as partner has been sent abroad working, all be it opposite ends of table, separate gravy boat. Salt pepper etc, she sat in the one spot the whole time (tried to minimise the risk a bit) .. Of course when she left i was parinoid bleaching down her chair etc wasn't worth the parinoia lol ill not be doing it again

[Eyewhisker]

OP It’s fine. Outdoors the chance of getting the virus is very low and as long as you wash your hands carefully, using the toilet is fine too.

[B0bbin]

It doesn't sound like a big deal, unless your husband or son are extremely vulnerable (and even so, it sounds like you were quite careful). Don't let anyone make you feel bad for seeing your mum and dad. I would be visiting mine (and staying 2 metres apart etc) if they weren't hundreds of miles away . Hope your DH gets past this/ you can make up. Lots of couples are falling out over stuff like this right now, as we all have a slightly different take on things when new rules are put in place.

[Fuckedopc]

“ I dont understand why your DH is so angry. He knew you were going, he knew you would keep 2 m distance and may have to use the bathroom. The fact there were two additional people 2m apart is hardly a reason for kicking off. Is your DH shielding? Is he especially concerned? The rules are there to help NHS cope, not eradicate the virus. Why did your Mum ring to see if you were okay? Did your DH make it so obvious he was pissed off.”

We are rule followers and have done “our bit” the whole way through. I think he was just shocked that there were other people there other than the neighbours.

I think my mum rang as DH wasn’t very good at hiding his shock and disapproval.

We are under 40 and both in good health as is DS and no one in the garden was shielding.

DH and I had a chat about what to do in advance, he didn’t want to go round and take DS as he’s only 4 and we didn’t want him to interact with the neighbours (who he adores) or want to go in the houses (his second homes practically) because obviously this is against the rules and we didn’t want DS to be upset.

I wish we’d gone with my original plan of me driving and then I could have left when others arrived but DH said he’d drop me off and take DS for a walk so I had some time to chat and have a drink and my parents would get a few socially distanced minutes with DS.

DH is ok with DS going to school, he understands that the benefits to him as an only child outweigh the risks.

I’ll have a good chat with him tomorrow about how I’m feeling. It’s not worth it tonight.