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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Are you (a) tired of ttc (b) have sore ladybits from SWIing ! If this sounds like you then hop aboard.

993 replies

Icedlemonmuffin · 24/02/2010 11:51

Hi have made a new batch of cock tail muffins for those of us who have been trying for along time and

(a) are struggling to get excited by the sight of a cockadoodle running towards every other day of our fertile days !!

(b)have sore ladybits from all the SWIing we have been doing the past few months

and

All funny sperm killing stories welcome I need a laugh and to know I'm not the only one going insane ttc

So hop aboard and you to can be a bus whore like me !!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Fairygodmother1 · 05/04/2010 21:08

LOL Iced I agree with your husband & I don't want detention! lol. We're just 'special' thats all! hahah

Original poster

Icedlemonmuffin · 05/04/2010 21:32

I think my ovaries need a guide dog !

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UmBongo · 05/04/2010 22:15

Thank you all for your comments, I am so glad I am not paddling this canoe by myself! I don't know how to decide that we are not ttc, just having sex! (or heaven forbid we actually made it back to making love!)

We have joint docs appt in the morning so really ought to be trying to talk to dh rather than you lot!!!

Original poster

Icedlemonmuffin · 05/04/2010 22:37

Good luck tommorow UmBongo!

Dh keeps saying we should go back to the doctors but it's been impossible to get to the doctors, dh working away or emergency appoinments only and the docs won't let me book to far in advance. So next time dh off during the week we are going!

Also think my ovaries might need a White stick instead of the guide dog !!!

Dh got really bad tooth ache (broke his back tooth) he is driving me mad, dentist said probably just going to pull it out. Dd has told everyone that dh is having a tooth transplant as that is what they do when you lose something on your body,she did also ask my brother if he had ever wanted to change into a girl ! I think I should stop her watching real life tv and stick to cbeebies! She loves anything factual but is scared of lazy town.

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Loujalou · 06/04/2010 08:13

Still no rtd. Am officially one day late. But then I always used to be a 28 day girl. Maybe just stabilising. I seem to have lost the only HPT I own. Maybe for the best as RTD is likely to come when I take the test. Am also going to see my friend's new born so that's likely to bring it on.

Loujalou · 06/04/2010 08:13

Good luck Umbungo!!

Fairygodmother1 · 06/04/2010 10:31

Good Luck Umbungo Let us know how you get on. Just phoned my cons to find out where my IVF referral is & waiting on a call back.

I think my overies are on a perminant piss up in Mexico or some other party city with lots of alcohol that they've forgot what they're supposed to be doing or where they're are supposed to be!

Lou I have 2 upstairs in the bathroom that you can have as I feel that I'll prob never use them as even if we get IVF then they'll know before I need to use it!

Gotta say the sun is shining & the weather is warmer - Spring is finally here!!!!

xxx

Loujalou · 06/04/2010 10:33

RTD arrived in line with thoughts of HPTs!!

Fairygodmother1 · 06/04/2010 11:17

Aww Lou! xxx

Loujalou · 06/04/2010 11:53

I knew it would. Do you think all our ovaries are on a piss up together? Think they are havign all the alcohol I haven't been having. Would make sense. Anyway should be able to go to doctor for test results and internal exam this week / early next week. Oh joy.

Yay to spring. You are right Fairy.

Fairygodmother1 · 06/04/2010 11:56

I bet they are having a fab time but I demand they come back & do the job they are destined to do - stop running away!!!

I'm still waiting on the call back from the cons!

UmBongo · 06/04/2010 13:20

Hi all, sorry rtd got you Lou.

Well, this mornings doctors appt was a waste of time, she only wanted us both to go in so she could refer us as a couple! She said that it was because I had not been in, so I said that I had had my bloods done, and she tapped at her computer and said yes and they look fine, so I think that she hadn't spotted that I had been in. I have wasted so much time dreading this appt and we were only there so she could tick the box labelled "seen both", so now she can refer dh to the goolie checkers. I have done so much crying over this, and now I am off again for some stupid reason, probably because it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. (please can I be a bloke, it looks much easier!?)

I did discover this morning that dh says that it takes more effort to ejaculate and there seems to be less of it than there used to be. So what that means, I really don't know. [Note to self - try DO not translate that into dh thinking I am now fat and ugly]

It could be 2-3months before we get an appointment with the goolie gropers.

Why do I still feel bad, even when it is not me that needs further tests?

My mum, while I am having a rant, felt the need to tell me yesterday that one of her cronies friends son and his wife are pg with #2 after trying for 10 years for #1. WHY does she think that that makes me feel remotely better.

Thank you for listening ladies! I am off for several

Fairygodmother1 · 06/04/2010 17:21

Umbongo You have a mum like mine then??? It takes ages for an appointment to appear on female side so god knows how long it takes for a bloke.

I think the medical profession need a kick up the arse. Phone cons this morning & PA said she'd phone me back. 4pm came & still no call so I phoned her back only to be told (2 months after my app & 1 month after I did my last lot of tests to make sure everything was up to date) that she may need DH to have more recent tests!!!!!! for Gods Sake!!! Why has it taken for me to chase for this to find out.

Lots of needed! and a cuppa

Loujalou · 06/04/2010 19:44

Fairy I think I might go private after I have had my bloods back as I think I might die before the NHS do anything! They take so long its untrue.

I say that but not sure how much it all costs. Has anyone got any idea? About the cost of scans / consultants etc etc??

Here's a and left over easter eggs.

Umbungo heres a hug and some cake. My mum has been keeping her nose out of my baby fail. Think we might argue if she did comment. She does mention pre conception yoga every so often which is good for her. But no rude comments. PS My mum thinks yoga is the best thing in the world.

Fairygodmother1 · 06/04/2010 20:07

About 10 grand I think!!! We are entitled to 2 free goes as we don't have any other children so I'm a bit of a bargain hunter & want what I'm entitled to!

My mum just keeps on - she already has 3 grandchildren but wants one from me really. It just makes me feel guilty but it's not my choice this is happening. I had a gut feeling this would happen to me when I was in my late teens before the PCOS even started! I'm just glad that we got started early. We'd only been together 6 months when we started trying (first time being an accident really but nothing happened obviously).

tesco are selling cadbury cream egg ice-creams for £1!!!!

UmBongo · 06/04/2010 23:04

Fairy, I am one of 3, but neither sibling (both older than me, sis just turned 40) are showing any sign of producing a grandchild, so I am even more grateful for my ds, I am not sure I could cope with my mum if we were still trying for #1. They think they have troubles wanting a grandchild! My mum doesn't do yoga lou but she is greatly into amateur psychology and currently believes that dh's sperm lazyness is caused by too much caffeine. This is because she has been told that it thins her bones (osteporosis) Not sure how you get from bones to sperm, but hey, these mums are clever at these things!

Thank you again all, for listening.

Fairy, I am so sorry for cons being silly, I can only hope that you are better than me at telling your dh to go wank in a pot And hoping that your dh is better at doing what he is told asked.

Loujalou · 07/04/2010 08:18

10 grand!!! Ouch. Would be worth it if it did work and that was the only way we could get a baby. Well might try and get some scans etc done privately if it takes too long on the NHS. We'll see what the wank sperm and blood tests come back with. My GP wants to give me an internal examination, so will have to wait til the RTD is over.

Um is that Psychology or biology? How much caffeine does he have?

TH is an amateur Psychologist (me got a degree in it) as he thinks its cos I am so stressed we can't make a babyyyyyyyyyyy. He is probably right. I have got the hypnotherapy thing on my ipod now so should be able to listen to it. Fingers crossed as I am a bit deaf and can't hear it on the laptop.

Anyway TH wants to get fit (my idea). But he wants to get a bike. Surely that will kill the sperm. Men!

Original poster

Icedlemonmuffin · 07/04/2010 11:35

Hello, sorry that rtd got you Lou damn bodies!

I don't think my ovaries are drunk I think they have become nuns and run when ever they see male bodily fluid! I'm hoping if I give them a good talking too and offer them some vodka they will turn into whores !!

As for fertility help it's crap, but if we all joined forces and opened our own fertility clinic then we could get rich and pregnant at the same time.

As for siblings I'm the eldest of eight, I know my mom only had to look at cock and got pregnant, my sister had twins after me and my mom doesn't understand why it's not as easy for me!

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Fairygodmother1 · 07/04/2010 17:16

I'm the eldest of 3, mum fell preg pretty quick even with endo so I don't think she understands. My sister fell pretty quick with her two &like I said my bro's girlf made out it was hard (after 3 months)!

I think stress is also a bit factor in my lack of baby producing. I have said to DH that he could get pissed on a night out & have more chance of making some random girl pg than me. Thats when I'm feeling really down.

Still waiting for hosp to call back again. May phone them again!

Fairygodmother1 · 07/04/2010 17:27

Typical! My cons PA has gone on holiday for a week as of 5pm! Got through to another cons PA & she's arrange for DH to repeat the tests on Tues. He hasn't complained yet about doing it, even when I had him doing it in the hospital toilet!!! He didn't need my help

UmBongo · 07/04/2010 20:43

Go Mr FairyG - in a hospital loo! Wow! He is a good fella, doing as he is told!

I don't know if stress is a factor, it probably is as that would make it really difficult to solve!

You're right Lou I think mum has diversified into amateur biology. DH does drink quite a lot of coffee tho, but one of my friends is a gp and says that it has no effect.

Fairygodmother1 · 08/04/2010 08:34

LOL! Looks like Mon or Tues is his next trip!

Loujalou · 08/04/2010 08:50

Mine is going on Friday though he does his at home and keeps it close to him (EWWWWHHHH!) on his journey to the hospital. Not sure if he would go for the hospital loos. In one hospital we were in (for a different reason) they had a wank room. I bet its best not to look at the carpet.

Fairygodmother1 · 08/04/2010 09:06

Lol! I don't know if our hospital has one but we don't drive & even if we did although you can see the hospital from my back garden the traffic would be a nightmare. That way I know he's done it & hand it in straight away!

Not that I'm controlling in any way

Original poster

Icedlemonmuffin · 08/04/2010 12:58

Hi we should start 'wanking into a pot' thread for all the oh out there though I would rather do that than have a smear !

I have a sore throat and a cold so I'm in bed feeling sorry for myself while dh entertains dd or should that be the other way round?

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