Facebook status updates you wish you could write. XXXX...

[Tigresswoods]

is fed up with seeing babies everywhere

Ray got a letter from the consultant yesterday and she has Factor V Leiden and may also have Protein S def. She is wondering why they are making her wait 6 weeks for an appointment when she wants to get sorted NOW.

Ray is unsuire whether to be glad or upset by this diaognosis.

Ray has just found out that her sister who has a 4 month old baby and a shit relationship is pregnant again.

Ray actually feels very numb at the moment and is wondering when the emotions will kick in.

Ray is glad Thandeka is still throwing up and thinks that a whole apple would have been a very good party trick.

Tigress successfully identified ladysnot the other day without the assistance of any of her new virtual friends. Her and Mr Tiger have done the deed and were planning to again shortly although Mr Tiger has just played 36 holes of golf and has another 18 Sunday morning at 8am. Tigress doubts there will be any cub-making due to Mr Tiger's exhaustion!

Hello again everyone.

Gracie spent a fun friday in hospital with a suspected ectopic.

Gracie has worked out this Bean needs to stay alive for another 8 days to have survived longer than the previous one.

Gracie is wondering whether the men in white coats might need to take her away.

Gracie wants to tell people who "just know this one will be ok" to bugger off, I wish I was so confident!!

Gracie really hopes this abdominal pain is just my Bean holding on too tight, and not the start of another miscarriage.

Gracie daren't join an antenatal thread in case its tempting fate.

Gracie has decided being pregnant isn't one of her strong points.

Gracie is wondering whether making herself a cotton wool outfit to wrap herself in might help.

Tigress is stronmgly considering removing all her "friends" on Facebook who have put 50 identical pictures of their new borns

Tigress has never felt this low and fed up

I know what you mean Tigress.

Thandeka is pleased that Ray has a diagnosis and hope this means good things for her asap! Also glad Tigress managed the ladysnot identification skills so I didn't have to mention the cup of water test- something about if it floats or sinks but can't remember what- then there is the letting it dry on a slide and if it.... (ack can't remember either- Thandeka is losing her lady snot identification skills- some zoologist she turned out to be!

Thandeka is holding Gracie's hands as she is in exact same boat (suspected ectopic (day in a&e last week) waiting for next scan and needs around 8days for this one to survive longer than last one). Thandeka is knitting a bubble and could do with some cotton wool as a comfy lining so shall we share a little safe haven?

Thandeka is 6weeks and 3 days today, which was the day in her last pregnancy she had a viable scan and saw the heartbeat and then the emby died about a week later.

Thandeka is also going to murder DH if he mentions one more foodstuff with the intention of triggering her morning sickness so he can laugh at her. The mere mention of "Eggs" were this mornings retchorama.

Gracie is helping Thandeka to knit a bubble we can both hide in and is bringing cotton wool to make it comfy.

Gracie thinks next time Thandeka's DH gets a hangover or man-flu he is in for loud music, bouncing on the bed, bright lights and over cheerfullness from Thandeka!

Oooh Thandeka is clearly too nice too her DH. This morning no milk or anything edible for morning sickness in fridge. Wake DH up (who slept in spare room as went out last night) to ask him to go to tescos so Thandeka could eat and try and get rid of extreme hunger/nausea. He refused (is hungover) and said he would go in a few hours so Thandeka had to stumble out to Tescos trying not to vom at all the foods on the shelves- it was painful. What I should have done is played "sometimes it's hard to be a woman" at full volume and jumped on the bed until he woke up and went! To be fair though I have been lying on the sofa since then and so far he has fetched me iced sparkling water, raspberries, made me a chip and cheese butty and just made me a lemon and ginger tea. So maybe he isnt so bad.

Thandeka's status updates are a bit long!

Ray is actually losing the will to live

Gracie wants to know if anyone has a time machine she can borrow. To take herself and Thandeka past the scary 12 week mark and deliver Ray to her consultant appointment to get some answers, some treatment and to find her will to live.

Ray is pissed off as she wrote a long post and it got deleted.

Ray will start again.

Ray has so far today, cleaned the kitchen, dusted, cleaned bathrooms, hoovered and washed floors. Washed the bedding on hers and DDs beds, done 4 loads of other washing. Hung some on the line waited for it to dry got it in and hung the rest out, cleaned the windows and is now putting the bedding back on the bed.

Ray is symptoms spotting when she shouldnt be. Is having Vivid weird dreams is hungry ALL the time and wants to cry(could be PMT) HOWEVER rays cat brought her a pressie this morn (small Bird) and the only time Rays cat has ever done that is when Ray has been pg. and therefore ray wonders if she is pg.

Ray knows she is getting herself at it and she is NOT pg.

Right Ray will now finish putting the bedding back on the bed and will have to do some ironing.

Oh and did Ray mention that her sister is Pg again (her baby is 4 months) and therefore that will be over 20 babies in her family since she has started TTC.

Ray wonders how many more people she will have to watch get exactly what she wants without any Problems.

Ray has decided she will stay indoors FOREVER or until she gets pg at least so she doesnt have to see everyone else Pg and having babies.

Or Ray wonders if we can make a room for her in the bubble so she cant see anything and therefore will be safe in there.

Ray the bubble for you has blackout blinds and an internet connection for mumsnet but not for Facebook or email for family members. Is a very safe place.

xxx

Oh Thandeka that sounds like a very safe place and then when i do get pg i can venture out from my padded blackout room and join you and Gracie in the safe sunshine room.
Ray thinks once this has happened we can rent the blackout room out.

Ray is googleing time machine but it doesnt seem there is one available i will get to making one as soon as i can although Ray thinks this may take some time as she has NO idea what she is doing at all. But i will try.

Gracie thinks when the men in white coats arrive to take her away they'll be able to buy one get one free and take Ray too!

Gracie is going to watch Back to the Future tonight to look for time machine creating tips.

Gracie thinks the part for her and Thandeka should have clever internet too so she can't look up any pregnancy problems and scare herself to death. But definately needs 24 hour Mumsnet!

Thandeka says panic ye not ladies- DH is very very clever engineer what went to Cambridge (and graduated top of his class- [very proud wife emoticon] and now is a Patent attorney- so will get him on the case- he can invent it - then patent it (in all our names of course) and then we can make our millions out of fast forwarding women first to their BFP and then through the first trimester and then past the birth.

Is a genius plan!

paddington is loving the time machine idea

paddington was naughty at the weekend and went out with the girls... and had the best time!

paddington also has a nice big follicle for day 12 and the doc was happy with it and her womb lining.

paddington thinks mr paddington bear is being so amazing why cant i give him a baby

paddington is wishing she could join everyone is the safe knitted bubble so she wont keep wondering if her tubes are blocked and if she will ever have a child. i'll knit some comfy sofas and blankets

Gracie is wondering how Thandeka's clever husband is getting on with the time machine invention.

Gracie welcomes Paddington into our safe knitted bubble and thinks knitted sofas sound good.

thank you for welcoming me into the safe knitted bubble i hope you enjoy the sofas!

Paddington wonders if Thandeka or anyone for that matter knows anything about follicles? is my 14mm one enough?
Paddington has become very protective of her follicle and it not afraid to admit it!

Paddington also regrets not asking to keep her follicle picture so she could admire it!

Paddington isnt at work today... can you tell?

Thandeka's clever husband is off out tonight but will book him for weekend to work on it.

Thandeka says 14mm sounds great for follicles (usually mature follicle is between 12-18 so you may ovulate shortly) this article has more about follicle size and fertility. Cor you're really testing me will have to have a rummage for my uni notes.

Thandeka is bricking it for her scan tommorrow and is hoping her little emby has a heartbeat that is beating but also that intends to continue beating for at least the next 75 years. (last early scan with last pregnancy had heartbeat but still miscarried so even if there is a HB at 7weeks I won't be reassured until past 12 weeks.)

Thandeka is hoping if all is well tommorrow she can get another scan at 9 weeks and then another at 12 weeks for heartbeat checking purposes.

Boodleboot hates clearblue tests that say NOT PREGNANT {even tho it is far too early for them to say PREGNANT}

Tigress pats herself on the back for having created a fabulously cathartic thread for not only her but lots of other lovely ladies no matter what their stage.

Tigress has got agreement from Mr Tiger for more sex next month... but saying that won't know for at least another 10-14 days if she will be requiring his services anyway.

Tigress has finally agreed to see friend with small child and pregnant bump, just have to be strong.

Tigress is getting up to 88mph in honour of other ladies on here

...is now a J.P.

Justice of the Peace or some Mumsnet anacronym that I haven't heard before?

a juicy person

a jelly penis

a jewish peanut?