jokes
Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.
"And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"
Stan said nothing.
The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."
Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"
"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"
no2
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"