The Hut of Gl/Doom Part VI - And Yes, We've Tried Fecking Relaxing!

[OracleInaCoracle]

new home. I liked the decor in the old one, nless someone wants to redecorate!

My cycles have been as regular as clockwork for the past six months, but my PMT symptoms differ every time: sometimes vast boobs, sometimes nothing, sometimes cramps for a week before, sometimes nothing, sometimes seriously bad mood, sometimes loads of CM, sometimes none...

And then, each month, I can't tell whether I last felt this particular combination of symptoms when I was last waiting for auntie flo, or last pregnant. which will of course go wrong, as all the others have.

I think a 'fuckit' mindset is the only way.

oh herby i dont understand why our bodies have to be so fucking cruel!

Honestly Herby sounds just the same as me. After 4.5 years of it the one way forwards for me is fukit mode. When I chanced to actually get pregnant in 2006, I was so uncertain I couldn't even answer my GP when she saked if I wanted to keep it! A baby we'd been trying for for 3 years, and were on the verge of losing, and I couldn't bring myself to sy "actually this is a very much wanted baby" because I didn't even know how I felt about it by then. I feel as though I have wasted my mid to late 30s worrying about this, and have willed myself to move on mentally.

i think when youve been ftc for a long time and had a few setbacks you lose sight a bit of what you are actually doing it for iykwim.

i actually dread getting a bfp now, i spend 2w obsessing and counting down the days, 2d frantically shagging like rabits on viagra and 2w holding my breath and freaking out at every non symptom.

You've been shagging like a rabbit on viagra, lissie?

Mind you, managed a few nearly spontaneous shags myself this month.

I soooo hear what you're saying ladies.
What's worse, a bfp or no bfp? Answers on a postcard, please.

Cd23 and counting...

oh only on "fertile" days

Incidentally I totally agree about not drinking. I don't drink, have caffeine, have fun and have adjusted my diet and lifestyle in many ways to improve my chances. More than 1 mc certainly focusses the mind....

when i had my 1st mc i put it down to bad luck, as time goes on im more convinced there are external problems, and the best thing to do is minimize them.

Another bitchy comment from me - why is it necessary to start 50 posts about your BFN, oh no BFP, oh no BFN, what do you think it means, yadda yadda...

I guess that some people are still in the happy position of not having to expect a BFN. Lucky them. Why they have to pollute the conception board with their slightly dented ebullience I don't know...

god, wish i was still that optimistic...

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oh Herby I know the 'i only have to look at my husband and I get pregnant thread ...'. I did think about adding my little anecdote but couldn't bare the smugness.... grrrr...

Right - anyone any last tips for my first appointment at the 'failure to get up the duff clinic' tomorrow ? Yikes... Kind of feels official now that i'm a bit defective...

oh SM - I am on CD8 or something so AF just finished and was heavy and clotty (tmi I know) but still I found myself thinking today - I'm been really thirsty the last couple of days and feeling a bit sicky... maybe I am pg after all.

God we're all going mad aren't we ????????

wheely, what have you got so far?

Lissie - sorry do you mean - what have I got to ask ? Or where have I got to on tests ?

if the first -

ermmm.. not very much as have been trying not to think about it but, I want to ask whether there is anything they can test for which might explain my problems in my pregnancy with dd/ mc/ and now failure to conceive. Like Shrek's Hughes Syndrome.

I will ask about timescales.

if the second -

I have had tests done by gp - 2x day21 bloods, 1 x day2 test, ultrasound. DH has done his sperm test. Most of this (well my tests, DH's was January) was done a year ago so I am guessing they will repeat much of this.

ask what they propose to do when you do get pg again (eg weekly/fortnightly/monthly scans)whether you would qualify for nk cells testing, whether they will prescribe clomid, blood thinners or progesterone. if not, why not. how long before treatment can get underway, do they have any time limits, and should you take baby asprin as well as high dose folic acid.

ah, my consultants are terrified of me i did have a huge list of q's that i took to my 1st consultant appointment but cant find them anywhere!

Incidentally I do agree about the slightly nauseating bfp threads. Doesn't stop me reading them all, though. We are all going mad, wheely.

I've been advised to take baby aspirin next time I get a bfp. Next time!

i read them too, im sure i have a sadistic streak...

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Shrek- If I may throw an even bigger spanner in the works, I actually had a proper full blown full pack of super towels period after I got pregnant the last time. My breasts went down, I stopped feeling sick. Three days later (bearing in mind I was in full flow by then), period stopped abruptly. I thought nothing of it until about 4-5 days later when my breasts started to feel sore again and I began to feel sick and tired. Subsequent dating scans confirmed my suspected dates, although obviously my LMP dates were screwed. That pregnancy ended in a missed M/c at 13 weeks after a number of further bleeds, but was a pretty healthy pregnancy otherwise.

So, I NEVER stop wondering until I start to get mid-cycle symptoms again and a mid-cycle temp dip (ie about 3 worry and wonder-free days a month). Is it any wonder I'm jaded?

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