IVF Buddies: the next chapter

[RunningOnHope]

Hi everyone, thought I'd try making us a second thread now the old one is done -

Tagging @Triselly @lemons44 @CR7 @Flowerlover010 @pongom @WholeZebra @TheBirdintheCave @SarahShorty - will go back to the thread and see if there's anyone else to add in, but do tag those I've missed!

@WholeZebra Holy crapsticks! I'm glad you have a car now. Is it a courtesy car or an actual replacement? Either way, you're back on the road and that's the most important thing.

@CR7 oooh such wonderful news! xx You must be feeling so relieved now.

@Copenhagener bless you xx The only person in my life who knows is my line manager at work, and even that was by accident. I blurted it out in a fit of anger because my work was undergoing an enormous restructure and my job was facing the chop. If it wasn't for that, absolutely nobody would know that we're going through it.

IVF is the act of fertilising ooctyes outside of the body in a lab, so it's unnatural, which is why a lot of people have reservations or feel negativity towards it. Almost like playing God with what is or should be a very natural process. However, given that there has been a sharp and continuing decline in fertility all over the world, IVF is sadly the only option for some couples.

Those friends who said that you should accept having no children are just plain cold and I'd personally cut them out of my life for good. I'm not saying you should do that, just that I absolutely would.

And you're far from alone, we're here to listen and we will support you all the way through xx

A quick update:

I had my failure review with my consultant over the phone today (they're not at my clinic today, so had to be a phone call) and he was saddened to learn it hadn't worked. He asked us how we're both doing, how our spirits are, low or high, if we're in a bad place emotionally. He's a very caring man.

He suggested we take a break from IVF and continue trying naturally for a month or two and talked us into doing a DE transfer (double embryo) for the next attempt, simply because we've had two singles fail now and there is no point in paying for three more transfers of embryos that will potentially also be bad.

We told him we were looking to take a short break from the treatment because it's expensive, stressful and disheartening when it doesn't work and he was in full agreement.

Ultimately, if nothing works, we are safe in the knowledge that we did everything we could. It'll help us to come to terms with the prospect of not having our own biological children.

@WholeZebra 😳so sorry you had to go through all of that, hope you’re not in too much pain.
wishing you a speedy recovery.

@CR7 So pleased for you, made me smile hearing this news.
What a precious moment for you. Also as @TheBirdintheCave said, a huge hurdle passed.
How are you feeling?

@Copenhagener Oh how awful! I’m so sorry you had to hear such silly responses.
I know how you feel, I haven’t told many people about our journey either apart from 1 friend and my partner (obviously).
I feel like it’s such a personal thing to talk about and you can be met with stupid responses.
I’m also reluctant to share my journey with work colleagues as I also overheard at work someone talking about another person being infertile and it was so negative (these were women), they were belittling the other person it was like they were blaming and judging this person for not being able to have children (basically they were gloating).

IVF has such stigma attached to it and that’s the main reason why I’m not willing to share it with others.
I’m the same age as you give or take a month and I’ve heard people saying to others around my age “you’re not getting any younger” no shit Sherlock!
wtf is that supposed to mean?
I mean this one pisses me off so much but I’ve heard so many other comments too!

I recently attended a zoom meeting and someone shared the name of a book (it was highly recommended) which helps people who aren’t going through IVF/infertility understand the journey and be more kind. I’ll try and find the name- maybe you can throw I mean give the book to your friend 🙄

@SarahShorty Are you doing anything during your break? Hope you have an amazing time whatever you do (even if it’s enjoying the UK heatwave at home).

So nice to hear that your consultant is so caring.

@SarahShorty I'm glad you have a nice consultant and that they're not the kind who try and encourage you to go for something you're not ready for yet. I think the DE sounds like a good plan for the future as well :)

@Wish1 Just chilling and trying naturally. Lots of peeing on LH sticks and BBTing. It's monotonous but compared to the what ifs of IVF, the stress just doesn't exist. It's much more easy-going.

@TheBirdintheCave He is like gold dust in the fertility industry. He's been in reproductive health for as long as I've been alive. He has a wonderful way with words and is just such a lovely man. There will never be another quite like him.

One thing he did say to me to put things into perspective is that he has a patient who has had 6 transfers that have all failed. The thing about her that gets him the most is how much she has changed, she's a mere shadow of her former self. She's no longer the bubbly, happy-go-lucky woman she was when she started treatment. IVF failures permanently change you. The more failures you have, the more you die inside.

We're going to keep trying naturally all the time we're not having transfers and beyond that we'll keep trying as long as I have periods. Suffice to say, after all this, I no longer care about my age or how much time I have left. Whatever will be, will be.

Bad news today, had my follicle scan for my final IUI, and despite upping the Gonal-F dose to 75, none of the follicles are over 11mm yet. This hasn’t happened before.

I’m starting a new job Monday, and the clinic say I need to come in for another scan Monday afternoon, then IUI on T/W. I physically can’t do that because of the new job training, so I have to cancel the IUI cycle.

Then next month the clinic is pausing IUI treatment as they’re on July summer holiday (Scandinavia, sigh), so my next chance is going to be early September because of how the dates of my cycle fall.

I’m totally gutted.

@Copenhagener Augh that's so frustrating, I'm really sorry :( Is there no way your new work would let you go for your appointment as it was pre planned?

@Copenhagener so so frustrating for you when you're ready to go. I feel your pain. It's just more time waiting when you're ready to start :-(

Yes, it’s really sad. Unfortunately I can’t miss half my my first day, and then my entire second (last IUI I had terrible cramping and couldn’t stand up for a few hours so I want to head home after). Clinic also takes 30 minutes to get to, so I can’t just slip out for lunch.

We’ll still take our Ovitrelle and have timed intercourse, which is better than wasting all these Gonal-F injections the last 8 days.

We also booked in an IVF private consultation at this clinic, so we can make our decision about whether to do IVF with them asap, in August, or stick with the public waitlist and wait til January. I feel I keep making the wrong decisions and am second-guessing myself so badly.

There is no right or wrong decision. You can only do what you can do. We are all faced with this all the time on our journeys; so many cross roads and decisions. It's really tough xx

Egg collection this morning - managed to get 8. Was hoping for more so not sure how to feel. Really hoping for good fertilising numbers tomorrow!

Best of luck! It only needs one good one!

@Copenhagener I'm glad you can at least give it a timed natural try. I know what you mean about making the wrong decisions. I've felt like that too at times.

@WholeZebra Sorry it wasn't the number you were hoping for :( I hope they all fertilise!

Eight is wonderful. Perhaps not as many as you'd like but a wonderful number none the less xx fingers crossed for those eight xx

@Copenhagener @TheBirdintheCave @CR7 Thank you all! Trying to have a relaxed evening but absolutely exhausted following sedation so just keep falling asleep haha. Trying to stay positive, just want as many chances as possible.

Early phone call from the lab! All 8 have made it and fertilised. They said they were really happy with how they’re looking. So happy!

@WholeZebra That's amazing news! :D

@WholeZebra incredible!!!! Honestly I have seen ladies get twenty eggs collected and then only have two fertilise. Bloody delighted for you xx

I’m so pleased to hear that! When will you have your transfer?

Thanks all! I’m still beaming.

@Copenhagener we’ll be putting one back in Wednesday, all being well.

@WholeZebra Any more updates? :)

I'm at the clinic waiting for my second monitoring scan for the FET. Have to collect the trigger shot today as well I think.

@RunningOnHope @charja100 How are you both getting on? :)

Biggest follicle is only at 11mm 🙄 A long way to go yet irritatingly. Next scan is on Friday.

Hello everyone,

@Copenhagener I'm so sorry you have that around you, but you have this group to support you and it's really helped me at points I've felt alone. I hope it does the same for you. I wish people could be more understanding and kind. Unfortunately it seems there's still a long way to go with fertility education.

@WholeZebra congratulations on the eggies / embryos! Fingers crossed for you for day 5. ✨

@TheBirdintheCave 👋 heyyyy. So I have my first lining monitoring scan on Friday which will be day 10 of protocol. Then my protocol says the expect transfer somewhere 17-21.

@charja100 Exciting! Maybe we'll be transferring around the same time :) I'll be CD15 on Friday.