First Timers TTC. Safe space for brain dumps, questions, whinges and celebrations. Part 2!

[TinyDancer91]

Hi All.

This is a continuation from my past thread, but no need to go read that one if you're new here!

Quick TD;LR from the old post (but with up to date info) - I'm 31, OH is 35. We are TTC baby #1. Been TTC since Jan 2022, now on cycle 14. Haven't told anyone to avoid pressure.

Feel free to post any questions, thoughts, whinges, celebrations, basically anything here!

Going to try to be a bit more positive than I was toward the end of the last thread 😂

Love & baby dust to all. Wishing for BFPs for everyone this year 💖

@Plantymcplant thank you, it’s a journey but I’m hopeful we will have success

I think your message maybe got cut off?

I don’t know how old you are but they usually don’t do the tests until 12 months of TTC. Again age dependant if they confirm you are ovulating and your partner has a normal SA then they might not do anything for up to another 12 months unless there are other issues? I think it’s different if you’re over 35 but that’s area dependant. I had an immediate referral without any months TTC because I have very rare natural cycles. Once the referral was made the first appointment was less than a month later so it did then move fast!

Sorry to hear that your feeling down about it @islarryfromsomething. I was surprised how down i felt after my first month of trying. At least we can vent here to people who understand!

@IsLarryFromSomething sorry to hear your feeling down.
It’s such a lonely journey and not many people can empathise with you other than people you’ve not met on the internet.

I was due yesterday but no AF yet. But also negative tests. Happened last month so I think my cycle has just changed to being 26/27 days now. Just feels like my body decided to go rogue just when I needed it to be clockwork

Hi everyone, I posted in the previous thread early on, so probably just over a year ago, then I've barely looked at mumsnet since! Our ttc journey has been so anticlimactic that it just helped me to not think about it much. But things are now happening so here's my brain dump! I hope this is ok.

I'm nearly 35, DH is 36. We've been ttc since Jan2021, and got nowhere. I went to the doctor in March2022, and they arranged a blood test for me (day 5ish) and a SA for DH. My blood test happened some time in April, his SA was booked for late May but then we got covid just before it so it had to be pushed back to late August 😩 My results were ok, his were v poor, so repeat SA in early Nov2022, same poor results. So then we were promised a referral to the fertility clinic. Late Dec2022 DH was asked to do a blood test (I think as an elegibility check for the referral although we weren't told this at the time). Waited 7 weeks and still no sign of the results or the referral so we chased up and found out the dr had received the blood test results but forgot to actually do the referral 😡 Anyway, we finally had our first appointment at the fertility clinic this week, March2023, and were immediately told that we'll almost certainly need ICSI IVF. This was not a surprise (although we did have to google the details). We now have an 8 week wait for more detailed blood test results (genetics etc) and our next appointment.

I guess the main things I wanted to braindump are:

1. I'm so frustrated by how slow the process is! And how none of the steps are explained! We didn't know what his blood test was for in December, and at first we didn't even know we were both supposed to attend the appointment this week, cos the appointment letter was only sent to DH and didn't even mention my name. (And obviously it's completely INFURIATING that we didn't know we were wasting our time 2 years ago.)
2. I had a transvaginal ultrasound during the appointment and it was FASCINATING! I kinda wish I'd told DH to stay and watch so he could see too😀I was about a day off ovulating and we could see the massive shape of the follicle about to release an egg. And apparently I have a retroverted uterus - cool! It was honestly so interesting.
3. DH and I are both...kinda ok about the IVF thing? I obviously wish we didn't have to but honestly it's been 2 years, we're not exactly shocked. I'm more worried about how we'll feel as we go through the process, and especially if it doesn't work.
4. The dr doing my ultrasound kinda suggested that I don't tell DH what great shape my uterus and ovaries are in. I don't know how I feel about that advice?! (Well, ok, I ignored it and told him straight away, but I guess I can see where she's coming from?) I know I kinda led her to it by making a joke about not rubbing it in, but honestly I think he deserved to know?! At the very least, it's reassuring that we don't have further complications to deal with.

So yeah, there's a few things on my mind right now. Can anyone else relate?! I don't have any close friends who needed IVF, so I think I'll be turning to mumsnet more this year.

Hi @taytay2020 im so sorry your nhs experience was so bad, our referral was really fast back in January 2022 but that might be as fertility treatment was our only option. After multiple ovulation induction cycles (most of which I didn’t respond to) i think we will be going down the ivf route with icsi as well. Seeing my consultant again next week to plan either one more go at ovulation induction before ivf or straight for ivf now which will be a 6-8 week wait for funding to be approved then get started. I am hoping we will have started ivf by June! Do you know how fast they can progress things in your area?

Thank you and this is so true

It’s such a lonely journey and not many people can empathise with you other than people you’ve not met on the internet.

It's not exactly something you can moan about in the staff room 😂
💐to all xx

Just catching up (again!) hoping the weekend brings everyone at least a little slice of happiness!

OH was told on Friday that his SA results are in and he needs to speak to a dr about them, so now he's convinced it's not good news... I have no idea what to think any more tbh. He's got to call back on Monday to make an appointment.

I'm currently on CD 32 and no AF yet but did get a BFN this morning/last night. I think the best word to describe how I feel about everything at the minute is just numb. Like I don't feel sad about the BFN, but I also don't feel hopeful either. Anyone else at/been through this stage?

@Alexis7890 Thanks for your reply. I actually don't know about wait times in our area but it's reassuring that yours could be so quick. I can't even find out what the eligibility requirements are or how much IVF we're entitled to in our area, but I'm assuming my age (35 v soon) isn't a problem or they'd not have bothered seeing us at all. We're just on a waiting game now for our next appointment (late April I assume).

@TinyDancer91 yeah I think we've been in the numb stage for a while. I do occasionally take tests but even before we had the SA results back I'd stopped being hopeful. We're just shrugging our shoulders and getting on with the process, and getting on with our lives as they are now. And booking holidays we'd be unlikely to take with a child lol. Sending hugs!

@TinyDancer91 glad your DH has heard back. Hopefully he’s got an appointment this week 🤞🏼

AF arrived for my today. So a 28 day cycle. Wonder what this month will be

Have you had an acknowledgment for your fertility referral?
I was referred January 5th and received a letter to say they had the referral and not to contact them until the 14th March if i still hadn’t heard.
Still haven’t heard yet but was pleased to have the letter with the date as I’ll be straight in the phone.
I think it really varies greatly depending on the area

@taytay2020 I'm glad it's not just me. I want to be hopeful, I really do, but I think I'm just protecting myself from what feels like the inevitable.

@Ditzydaisychain he going to call today to see what the dr says as he couldn't yesterday due to work patterns. Hoping for an appointment fairly quickly given how long it's taken already for me!

@Mitcx we've not technically been referred yet I don't think, just had his SA and my day 21 bloods. Going to speak to the dr tomorrow hopefully and find out where we go from here.

Bit out of the ordinary for me, but I'm now on cd 35 and no AF yet. Tested with a cb digital yesterday & get a bfn, however I'm not sure I actually wee'd enough for it to give an accurate result - I thought I needed to pee a lot more than I actually did! I've never gone past 33 days before and only had one 33 day cycle and that was last month. Before that I was averaging 28. Not sure what to think, how long do I just wait this out? OH keeps asking if AF has arrived yet and looks happier every time I tell him no... I really want this to be the one but something inside is telling me it's not going to happen (again)

Has anyone got any good news to share? Literally anything, I need some positivity coming through 💕

@Mitcx We had to remind our doctor to actually do the referral, but they then did it immediately and we had our first appointment at the fertility clinic within 3 weeks. I think prerequisites for the referral were: I'd had a blood test to check hormones and STDs (and possibly other things? it wasn't explained but they definitely had those results on my file), DH had a blood test to check for STDs, and I was asked for my BMI.

@taytay2020 wow 3 weeks is really quick. It just varies so much by area. How is your journey going? What tests etc have you had already?

We had to have bloods, ultrasound & semen analysis before we could have the referral & also be weighed for bmi- im borderline for my bmi (for my ccg) but the more I think about it the more I seem to gain!

@mitcx last year, we both had a blood test and DH had a semen analysis (then a repeat 6 weeks later). Then last week we both had another blood test (no idea what mine was for, but his included genetic testing), and I had an internal ultrasound. That's all so far. Next appointment (probably end of April) is for blood test results and next steps. They also mentioned DH would have an ultrasound sometime but I don't know when (or why they didn't just do it last week!)

That's just our unique cocktail of tests though. The only fertility issue they've flagged so far is sperm quality, so these are the relevant tests for us. I imagine if my blood test or ultrasound had shown different issues we might be in for different tests and/or treatments.

The next issue I can foresee is that I'm self-employed and I get very busy in the summertime, with various days (and occasionally whole weeks) of work I literally cannot reschedule in order to go to a doctor's appointment. Loads of IVF stuff seems to happen on a rigid timescale so I think we're going to have to ask for approximate dates in advance and hope we can line things up with when I'm actually around. Arrghhh!

11dpo - I'm shocked, it doesn't feel real. This is cycle 8 and I never seen anything that looks like a line before.

@Plantymcplant congratulations! That looks positive to me! So pleased for you xx

@Plantymcplant that's wonderful, congratulations!

Huge congratulations plantymcplant!!

Congrats @Plantymcplant 🥳 kepping everything crossed for you

Keeping 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Congratulations!!

Thank you everyone! How is everyone else doing?

Hi! Period due today and have some brown discharge. I was feeling super down but had an appointment with my doctor this morning and she basically said "oh don't worry about that. Anything that isn't period blood / full-on blood is normal and can happen in early pregnancy" so I'm feeling better than earlier and am going to test tonight when I get home. I'm about 13DPO now. Don't want to get my hopes up too much, though. We DTD pretty much every other day since the end of my last period, so will be gutted if it hasn't worked this time around.