35+ TTC#1 Thread 5

[BambiOnIce80]

New Year, new thread! 🍾🥂

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping 2019 brings some BFP luck to us all!! 🍀🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

Thanks again ladies 💖 I am very much so looking forward to the pipe and slippers stage too @79andnotout! 😄 Definitely think TTC has made us get on it more (up until now, anyway 😏).

I think I'm similar to you @Carley32 - my confidence has taken a bit of a hit with what's going on 😔 Although DP has said that it's because of the awful shifts and his weight issue, I can't help but be self critical and think "hmmm... Maybe it's because he's not attracted to me as much anymore and/or I'm crap in bed, and that's why he needs a break 🤔"! 🙄 I need to just take him at face value and wait it out.

I think you're right as well @QuantumGirl - he's admitted the TTC experience with his ex pretty much traumatised him! His libido back then was "normal", but his ex was like my ex and was demanding it twice a day whilst TTC 😱 He's not comparing our situation to theirs at all, but he says the sense of "failure" from not being up to the task is triggering him to remember the bad old days and get upset too (exactly the same scenario as me, basically!).

On the brightside, it's actually daylight on my way to work this morning and Scotland is looking rather beautiful today (now that I can see her for the first time in about 4 months! 🌞😂).

Sorry I haven't been on for a week or so, I've been watching/reading, just have managed to type anything.

Such great news to hear of the BFP's, massive congratulations to you 🎉 🎊 and @Carley32 you finally got a static smiley...sorry must seem ages ago now, you must be well in to your tww now?

This TTC status we find ourselves in can be tough, my DH has also experienced issues, let's call then performance issues. He finds himself under too much pressure in the FW and I think it gets to him. We had a heart 2 heart last weekend and we discussed how DTD during FW has taken out all of the spontaneity of making love and that it feels to much like a scripted performance. You and your DP are not alone @BambiOnIce80 and best thing to do is just talk about it. Me and DH have agreed to chill out about it all. Before I got pregnant last year, I was fairy chilled about TTC, but the MMC had changed my view on it all, I don't know maybe it is/was my hormones 😳. I certainly feel better now having talked it through and feel a little more relaxed about it all. I hope my DH also feels more chilled and less pressured.

AF is here, right on time. That's 4 cycles in a row now with a 9 day luteal phase.

I'm having a tonight.

Sorry to hear that you and your DP are having a similar issue @Amanda81 💐 Sounds like there were at least a couple of heart to hearts going on last weekend! I think from a female point of view it's difficult to not want to take control of FW and try and increase our chances. Hormones or not, it feels like taking back a teeny-weeny bit of control within a process that we don't have any control over (that's how it feels to me, anywho 🙄).

Total pants that AF has arrived @79andnotout! 😣 I had high hopes for you this month with you getting a good 2 in 😞 I may be joining you with that wine - DP did not follow his managers instructions (aka me 😄) and as a result we have nothing for dinner tonight 😕 His punishment is that he has to cough up for the take away gyoza and bao buns tonight and I think this cheeky little take away deserves an accompaniment of a nice, cold glass of white 🥟😋🍾🥂😁

@BambiOnIce80 oooohhhh gyoza 😋 I haven't had a takeaway in ages! Enjoy your dinner 🙂

@79andnotout sorry about AF. 🍷is also my silver lining. Are you anywhere exotic this week?

@Russkispy how was your scan today?

Very similar @BambiOnIce80 I take everything to heart and get really down and self critical about it, which then makes ‘the not being up to the task’ occasions a little more dramatic than they need to be, which then plays on DPs confidence. So it can get a bit of a vicious cycle really.

It sounds like you have an open and honest relationship so I very much doubt DP would be speaking anything but the truth to you at the moment. I know it can still be deflating though, I am the same. 💐 glad the sun has put you in good spirits, Wales certainly needs some of that!

Sorry about af @79andnotout enjoy that wine!

@Amanda81 yes My static smiley was last Tuesday I think. So patientiently waiting for all my AF symptoms to bugger off.
But I am pretty sure I’m out. Little cramps are about and so are the new friends I have made all over my face 🙈. Bloody spots!

While we are on the subject of Tww. When is to early to take a test? Our friends seem to
Love to want to make plans during my tww and are all going out for a big old knees up for the game! I would love not to be able to go for obvious reasons but if I am out..... I could really do with a bit of fun!
Me and DP thought we were in this month with the skiing being over on time and the extra shifts we put in. So we are feeling a little disappointed in all and could do with a night out.

😳 crikey! Sorry about the essay 🙈

Ah @BambiOnIce80 wish I lived somewhere that delivered such deliciousness! Although I did go on an Asian dumpling making course at the weekend so could make some myself I guess. Might not turn out well while drinking wine though! Bon appetite!

@QuantumGirl nowhere exciting this week, back in Scotland next! Still no sign of AF for you? :(

I think one of the reasons TTC takes longer in 30 something's is that the flush of sexy hormones has worn off both men and women by then. It has definitely lost its shine. I used to be a right horny goat. Although the pill definitely put a dampener on things, for sure. My partner also has a previously girlfriend who demanded it all the time, made him feel like a failure for not being up for it, and then cheated on him repeatedly. So, yeah, some baggage there too.

Hello! Newbie here (although I have been lurking for a while - god that sounds stalkerish )

I’m the grand old age of 38 (39 in a few months) and have been ttc’ing with varied levels of enthusiasm for over 2 years with no hint of a bfp ever. NHS tests say nothing is wrong, so we are in the lovely “unexplained” category. Been referred for IVF and currently having many a wobble about whether it’s what we actually want?! Kinda want someone else to tell me what I want but also guess that responsibility is actually down to me. Bums. Anyway, hi!!

Congrats to the recent BFPs and sorry for the recent AFs/BFNs...

Hello @beverlymarsh. Sorry to hear you are facing challenges. I guess in some shape or form, we are all in the same boat 🚣‍♀️ on this thread, so please do feel free to share your thoughts.

@Carley32 my FF app always suggests waiting until AF is due. Do you have a long Luteal phase...or is this cycle a complete unknown due to the delayed ovulation.

Herbal query about vits (text predictor turned it to bits 😂😂 - that would be funny). I am considering taking Coenzyme Q10 (Ubiquinol) as it is supposed to be a good supplement for fertility in older women - have you guys had any experience with it?

Ha @beverlymarsh welcome, you sound like you'll fit right in :)

When did you get referred? Have they given you an appointment yet?

Sorry about AF @79andnotout. But enjoy the glass of vino.

@Amanda81 I've been taking coenzyme q10 for about six months. I'm about to upgrade to the more expensive ubiquinol. It's not done me any good so far, but my sisters ivf clinic told her to take it so think it's probably worth doing for older women like ourselves :(

@BambiOnIce80 I think my DH performance issues came about as he was asking too many questions about temping and OPK's. I often want to share too much as I thought it would add pressure...so this month, I'm telling him nothing. Always good to have a good chat about it all, it helps close out the month that was and to look forward to the month ahead and re-focus. Now that you guys are all having a wine, I want one now. Must resist...perhaps a mini magnum will do (who a I kidding!) 😂😂

@79andnotout Is there a difference between Coenzyme Q10 and Ubiquinol. These arrived today and got these ones as I read they absorb better???

Ooh yeah those look good @Amanda81 - any chance you could post a link to where you got them please?

Yeah sure, they are from Amazon. 60 tabs for £22.49. A bit on the pricey side, but I can spend that on 2 bottles of wine! Even if they don't eventually do anything for TTC, I thought it would be good for the body anyway as they are supposed to boost energy as we produce less of this vitamin as we get older (I think).

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B009G4BKZK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00__o00_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

Great, thanks @Amanda81 !

@Amanda81 I could be wrong because my cycles are on a mission of their own. But looking at my app I’m thinking around about 10days or so. 🤔

Hi @beverlymarsh 👋 x

Thanks all for the lovely welcome! This seems like such a nice friendly thread 😊

@Amanda81 I took Coq10 (Boots tablets) for several months, which made naff all difference. My IVF doctor said just to take folic acid and vitamin D so I have sacked off the ridiculous collection of other things I was taking, I used to rattle!!

@79andnotout I got referred towards the end of last year for NHS. We only get one go where I live and the stats are not great. We are actually going to go ahead privately now (if we do go ahead!!), we are able to fund it for a bit (appreciate we are very lucky in this regard!) and the stats are a lot better (although no guarantees at all of course). I wanted to do the free NHS go anyway given that we had jumped through so many hoops to get there but DH was not particularly up for it due to the stats so after many arguments and tantrums I have called the NHS and said whoever’s next in the queue can have my place. We got sent a load of forms to fill in and the initial appointment would have been a few weeks after I sent them back.

@Carley32 the most reliable result you'll get is at 14dpo, so you might be alright to test at the weekend if you're 10dpo now 👍 Sounds like you and your DP deserve a good knees up, so I think if I were in your position I'd test Saturday morning and throw caution to the wind if it's a BFN 🍾🥂 Who have Wales got this weekend? I should really try harder to get into it - I go past Murryfield twice a day 😂🏉

Lessons to make your own dumplings @79andnotout??!! That sounds like the most amazeballs weekend activity!! 🥟😎 Totally jealous!

@Amanda81 I also started on the coQ10 last month, purely because my flo app had a little info session of when to take it (you're only supposed to take about 100mg for two months, twice a year, apparently 💊)... I'm soooo suggestible! 😳 My DP started off saying he wanted to know when FW was, but I think the reality is that it adds too much pressure. I'm also telling him zip next month (as requested 🙄). It turns out FW is looking to be when he's on a run of 12 hour night shifts next month, so even if he hadn't requested a break next month we'd be having one anyway - makes me feel a bit better, TBH 🙂

Welcome @beverlymarsh 👋 Stephen King fan, or just a coincidence?! 😉 Your story shares quite a few similarities with mine! I'm 38, also 39 in a few months, been trying a bit longer (but a large part of that was with the ex) and got labelled with unexplained infertility (which feels like the most sucky form of infertility - "we can't find anything wrong with you so we don't know how to fix you" 😔). It'll be another year before we get our 1 shot at the NHS IVF, by which time I'll be hitting 40 & the success stats take a nose dive 😒 We've gone back and forth (very much like you - do I even really want it?!) and at the moment we've decided we won't go private until after the NHS shot at IVF. Looking at the stats, we're better off doing that, hopefully getting some viable embryos to freeze and then paying for maybe 2 cycles with the frozen embryos. The stats are much better for the over 40's with frozen embryos and 2 rounds should cost just under £3,000. I'm seeing the ACU again in May, so I'm going to double check my facts with the doc then, but in the meantime this is the plan... Which'll undoubtedly change 😂

Have a good hump day everyone 🌞

Hi all,
We had our first appointment at the fertility clinic which went well I think. We were in and out in about 20 minutes and I didn’t get asked any of the things I thought i’d be asked. I was a bit embarrassed about my bmi as it’s crept up to 27, but apparently as long as it’s below 30 that’s fine. I’ve been booked in for a HSG test and DH has booked a date for his SA next month so it feels like things are progressing.

I asked about vitamins, as I take all sorts too, but folic acid was the only one mentioned to be beneficial. I took ubiquinol for a while and stopped when I ran out. I’m also taking omega 3 fish oil as i’ve been having knee pain for a few months (and not been able to get to my dance aerobics class so frequently hence my bmi 😔 Chocolate and wine may have contributed to this too!) I’m sure someone in the thread said fish oil wasn’t so good for ttc though?

Has anyone read ‘Mastering your Metabolism’ by Jillian Michaels? It talks about how your hormones can get out of whack and advocates eating organic food where possible to avoid chemicals in processed stuff - i’ve heard of this before in relation to fertility as well as weight gain 🤔 Maybe it’s worth a try. I really need to reduce my bmi (having similar probs with autocorrect @Amanda81 as my phone keeps turning bmi to ‘bum’ though tbf that needs to reduce too 😂) Also need to cut down on my wine intake. DH and I are trying to avoid alcohol completely on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Unfortunately, that hasn’t worked out this week, but it’s half term so....holiday rules?

Hi @beverlymarsh - welcome to the thread. I thought your name seemed familiar @BambiOnIce. ‘It’ is one of my favourite SK books so don’t know why I didn’t realise until you mentioned it lol.

Sorry for af @79andnotout 😔

Oops - I also appear to have written an essay! 😳😁

Soooooo glad your first ACU appointment went well @PixieN 🤗 I know it's a huge relief when things get moving. I'm a massive SK fan too and was immediately transported to the 90's TV film version when I saw the name (I really should read the book! 😳). Has to be a toss up between Salems Lot and The Shining for favourite read, with Doctor Sleep a close third 😊

Hi all! Glad it's halfway through the week :)

Welcome @beverlymarsh 👋

I've been looking at those on Amazon @Amanda81, they're currently in my basket but unsure whether to press buy. Do you just take them everyday or only as certain points in your cycle? I'm due af in the next few days (and part of me is still hopeful!) so might wait to try them.

Good news about your ACU appointment @PixieN, glad to hear you've got things booked in too. Our referral has been sent, woo! So just waiting for a letter for our appointment now. My bmi has crept up and not been helped by eating out lots while the kitchen work is being done. We have progress this week, the plastering is all done so first whitewash has been done, plumber out tomorrow then hoping some actual installation will happen before the weekend!

Sorry to hear af arrived @79andnotout, good shout on the wine though :)

How are you @QuantumGirl?

Good to hear you and dp have talked @BambiOnIce80. I can relate to the FW bit, it's not like we can switch our brain off and those thoughts just pop in, plus our bodies give us signals so they're really hard not to notice. I've tried explaining it to dh but he doesn't really get it. We're more relaxed on the dtd front now we're waiting for our appt but I still know roughly when I'm fertile.

Fingers crossed for you @Carley32, a good night out sounds lovely too.

Have a lovely day all