35+ TTC#1 Thread 5

[BambiOnIce80]

New Year, new thread! 🍾🥂

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping 2019 brings some BFP luck to us all!! 🍀🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

Hi ladies, just checking in briefly! I’ve been really ill and am only just starting to turn the corner. Was able to get out of the house for a fifteen minute walk today after being housebound for about a month. Thought I’d lose my mind!

@VenusStarr congratulations! I’m so pleased for you. How are you feeling?

I’m still freaked out at the thought of being a mom, and also the thought of physically delivering a baby. But what’s done is done so I can only do my best from here!

I used to hate the intrusive TTC thoughts. I developed this really odd coping skill that I’d never dare mention to anyone else. I used to do pelvic exercises every time I thought about babies! I figured I was always forgetting to do them otherwise and it was something to distract me while still doing something useful. Totally weird I know, but it worked for me.

I hope so @BambiOnIce80. But il forever be the negative Nora of the group, I just keep thinking what’s gone on this time why the change 🙈. Daft I know lol. I am also feeling good about it though.

Good luck with your isoflavones. Hope they continue the good mood.

Not long to wait for your break away. Maybe af coming along to isn’t such a bad thing, it could take some of the pressure off and you’ll get to simply enjoy each other’s company without all the overthinking involved.

I can’t believe the weathe either, it’s crazy DP has a day off tomorrow so I’m hoping I’m fighting for so we can get out for the day to enjoy it.

@Amanda81 yea it is. It’s shocking having to wait that long for a routine appointment. But I guess the nhs will always come with some downfalls. Rugby was great thanks.

I always feel that naseous feeling over actually having a child and everything involved..... the pregnancy, the birth, giving up the things we love (especially travelling) and accepting that we will be older parents and when our friends children grow up and they start living will be starting a family. It’s all odd but I can’t imagine never having children either! Change is always a scary one but I guess it’s inevitable!

Hello ladies,

Your thread looks lovely and supportive so I thought I'd jump in.

I'm 39, 40 in four months eek. I only got together with my husband a year ago and we'd planned to ttc at the beginning of this year. Nature had other plans and I fell pregnant on our honeymoon back in December. Unfortunately this ended in a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks, baby was 6 weeks. Only detected as we opted for a private scan. I had to have ERPC surgery three weeks ago to remove as wasn't ending naturally. All very traumatic for a first attempt but MMC is a rare so don't want to make anyone anxious. So we're back to square one ttc our first child.

I've recovered well from the surgery and we're seeing my GP tomorrow to see if I can have some blood tests to check my general health. It's likely MMC was due to chromosomal issues with the baby but just want to check nothing more I can do to prevent another loss.

It was a shock I fell straight away as I had polycystic ovaries. At my miscarriage scan was told I no longer have this condition which is a relief so no known reason not to fall again. It's so difficult to tell I guess at this age. It'd be nice to get bfp before I turn 40.

I'm looking forward to chatting with you all! Xx

Hi @Kescilly sorry to hear you have been so unwell. At least your on the mend now.
I can’t imagine how you are feeling about being a parent. But excited has got to be up there to I bet 😊

Oh blimey, I've set us all off on a bit of a panic about parenthood, sorry!!

I've done quite a bit of soul searching over this especially about the world we live in. Regarding the planet, we could do with fewer people, but having one child is still not at replacement numbers and by leaving it until late 30s to have a baby, that's lengthening the generations, which again, reduces the population. Secondly this child (if it happens) will be brought up with values that recognise we need to protect the planet (and I'll do my hardest to minimise the impact as I can - throwaway convenience stuff is definitely a no-go for me!) so will hopefully be another person to share that message as they get older.

Most of us on this board were born during the Cold War - and you could argue that that wasn't a great time to bring children to the World too!

Hello @Catconfusion - so very sorry to hear about your recent loss. I was in a similar situation, had an ERPC recently and found out that the bean had got to 10+1 at the 12 wk scan. There are no words to describe that journey, but I was amazed at how quickly the body heals. I hope you are doing well on the road to recovery 💐

@BambiOnIce80 - I think planning to do other things is the key. In the last week I've booked two holidays. The first, our regular trip up to your neck of the woods (which I can't wait for), bloody love Scotland; and the second a two week trip to Cyprus as a surprise for my DH's 40th! 🎊🎉🎊 (of course both Zika free zones). I even upholstered a cheap ikea stool at the weekend...just to keep myself busy. My close group of friend are all baby-less, and don't want them, so it's hard to find that person to chat with. So pleased you guys are all here x

@Kescilly - I am now sat here doing pelvic floor exercises 🤣🤣🤣

@Carley32 thanks, it's been rough but I think I'm slowly turning the corner. And I am getting excited (and also scared)!

How have you been doing?

@Catconfusion welcome to the thread! I'm sorry about your MMC, that must have been really sad for both of you. It sounds like you're recovering well physically, and I hope eventually emotionally as well. I know everyone has a story, but my SIL had a MMC with her first and it was due to chromosomal abnormalities. She got pregnant again within a few months and I now have an adorable niece coming to visit next week. I know that the MMC was really tough on them and I hope you are getting the support that you need.

@Amanda81 😂 I know it's totally bonkers but I found it to be a good distraction!

Oh @Kescilly! 😢 I'm sorry you've been feeling awful all this time! 💐 I'm sure you'll nail the whole child birth and parenting thing (it's just me I have no confidence in! 😂).x

Enjoy your quality time with DP today @Carley32 ☀️

I'm loving your logic @Weathergirl1! 😍 Absolutely going to use that for myself (if I ever manage to get pregnant, of course 😏)!

Very pleased you're hear too @Amanda81 ❤️ Cyprus sounds rather lovely (I've never been) and I'm obviously a touch biased on the Scotland front! 😁 What we have booked is mostly staycation stuff, so we're off to the Cotswolds and then Monmouthshire for my birthday, then DP's family are visiting (all 6 of them! 😱) and then we're heading up to Balmoral for DP's birthday straight after that (he has a thing for the Queen 👑 🙄)... you'd think that should stop me from TTC obsessing, but I bet not! 🤪 Might have to join you with the pelvic floor exercises! 😂 🤣

Welcome @Catconfusion 👋 So sorry to hear about your MC 😔 Good luck with your GP today 🍀

Thank you @Kescilly! I'm feeling OK, lots of twinges and extreme bloating in the evenings but not much else. Felt really tired last night. Thanks for asking 😊 I'm sorry that you've been so unwell, glad to hear you're on the mend now.

Hi @Catconfusion, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage this thread has really helped me, good to have you here. Congratulations on your wedding too, I got married last April 😊

👋 Waving to everyone else! Hope you're all OK xx

@BambiOnIce80 - sounds like you have a lot planned! We visited balmoral last year (I like the royals too, but went for the architecture and landscapes). Theres some lovely walking around there. We currently live in Monmouthshire (Yorkshire lass originally). If you want any tips for places to eat, let me know 😉 Family visits are always hectic...but 6 in one go! You are braver than I 😂😂

Hi All,

@Amanda81 yes it's quite the journey and the last thing anyone expects. So many layers of grief and your body doing strange things. Yes the surgery was a Godsend in terms of a quick recovery. It only took a couple of days to recover physically. The emotional stuff is ongoing but we're getting there too. I'm so sorry you had to go through it as well. How long ago was it? Let's hope for good news soon! X

@Kescilly Thanks for telling me about your SIL. It's always good to hear about happy endings. Even though the doctors tell you it's unlikely to happen again and you hear success stories the worry is still there. We're just staying positive. I have an amazing husband luckily and great friends. The whole time I kept wondering how awful it would be to go though it alone or be unsupported. I'm hoping for good news soon! X

Thanks @BambiOnIce80, we're a little nervous as it means going through the whole horrible story again but hopefully I'll get some general checks done. Our GP was very much of the opinion we should just get back on the horse so to speak so pretty sure she'll be proactive. X

Congratulations to you too @VenusStarr. It's lovely being married despite our first few months being such a horrible challenge. I guess that's life though. Hopefully the next few months will see some good news. X

I'm looking forward to chatting with you all! Xx

Hello @Catconfusion it was recent and was also our first pregnancy. Had the ERPC in November last year. My body wasn't recognising the MC at all, so opted for the surgery. I had heard quite a few negative things about the medical management approach, and wanted to get back to 'normal' as quick as possible). This is probably my first cycle where I feel normal (hormones etc). I started temping (BBT) shortly after the erpc, as I wanted to know when/if I was ovulating. I'm so pleased I temp now as it has helped me understand my cycle greater than I ever have. Unfortunately my GP was a little dismissive about testing and said that I needed to have at least 3 miscarriages before they even go down that route. She did however run blood tests for my kidney and liver as I had pains on my right hand side for about month afterwards. All was okay thankfully. I hope your GP is able to give you the information you are looking for x

@Amanda81 That's not long ago at all. It's horrible having that first experience of pregnancy as a MMC. Like you I had no signs of anything changing so the surgery was the best option. I get the feeling I'd have gone on for weeks after. Was also exhausted from sickness and nausea so just wanted it over. I've also heard horrendous things about Medical management. I considered it as scared about the general aesthetic but so glad we went for ERPC.

It's positive you're feeling like your body is behaving normally. How long did it take to ovulate? Temping is great. I use Ovusense and can't recommend enough. My cycles can be a little unpredictable so good to see that rise happening and know my body is doing what it should.

It's awful when doctors are dismissive as some of the tests are easy enough to do. It's such a shock going through this and natural to want answers. I know in most cases there aren't any but it's worth investigating. I think the recurrent miscarriage referral should cone after 2 and after 1 the GP should do a full check of obvious things. It seems that chromosomal causes are most likely with MMC since our bodies progressed well with the pregnancy even though the baby didn't progress.

I'll update you on how it goes with the GP. There's some of us on another thread (you might have found already): First pregnancy missed miscarriage. Some really lovely ladies on there. Looking forward to contributing on this thread too! xx

Glad to hear you're not getting hammered by symptoms yet @VenusStarr 🙂 It'll be interesting to hear at what point you find they kick in 🤓

Oooh, that's handy @Amanda81! 🤩 We're staying (and eating 😋) at the Whitebrook on my actual birthday, but we haven't got anything booked/planned for the next couple of nights - any recommendations for things to see and do would be gratefully accepted! 😎 I'm not sure I'm brave with DP's mum, dad, sister, BIL and 2 nephews all descending at once... stupid more like! 😏 Just thinking about it for too long makes me want to grab a paper bag to breathe into and start quietly rocking back and forth in a corner! 🤪

On the MC investigation front (if I may put my work-head on 🤓) - Sorry to say it's NHS guidance to not do a lot of investigations until a MC becomes 'recurrent' (which is taken to mean at least 3). It's so sad that 1 in 4 pregnancies don't get past 12 weeks, but I guess that's why they don't investigate until they think there might be an underlying issue 😔 I have to say that this is becoming my biggest fear for if I ever do get pregnant - I can just see myself finally being fortunate enough to get pregnant after nearly 5 years and then I'll be the '1 in 4'. I guess you can drive yourself nuts if you go down that rabbit hole though, so I'm oddly clinging onto the fact that it's looking highly unlikely that I'll get pregnant without help and even then the success stats aren't great (how's that for f🤬d-up
'every cloud' logic?!?! 🤪).

@Catconfusion it's weird it's feels like such a long time ago, yet I still feel like the whole experience defines me in some way. I'm sure this will pass in time. It took me five weeks to get my first period after the op, three weeks to ovulate. I got buckets of EWCM (soz tmi) and that was my sign of things getting back to normal. I didn't temp until after my first cycle. The worst thing about a MC is that it has robbed the innocence of pregnancy. I was aware of the facts (1 in 4 etc), but you never think it will happen to you... if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant again, I will struggle to enjoy the moment and will dread the first scan. But all new pregnancies are different to the last...and will try to keep that in my thinking. I would be so very grateful for an update after your GP visit, we are considering going private for some general fertility tests. As my bean stopped growing at just over 10 weeks I do wonder if it was placenta related as around this time the baby starts to get its nutrition from the placenta. I also got the flu jab roughy around that time, which I have vowed never to get another if I am pregnant. I would just stay in doors like a hermit. Onwards and upwards as they say...I will check out the other thread you mention. Have you ovulated yet since the op?

@BambiOnIce80 I will get my thinking cap 🧢 on with things to see and get back to you. But in terms of places to eat...the moody cow 🐮 in Upton Bishop is amazing. Also, the Hardwick on the outskirts of Abergavenny is also a fave. You are so close to the river wye at the whitebrook, there are so many lovely walks in the area...we are close to Tintern and there is a lovely foodie pub there called the anchor inn (it's near the abbey ⛪️ ).

@BambiOnIce80 I'm so sorry you've had the difficulties over such a long period of time. I can understand feeling scared of falling pregnant and then losing it. Even though miscarriage is common statistically if you did fall your chances would be good. I really hope you are getting the support you need and get some luck soon. Xx

With regards to NHS guidelines, I think it's something Tommy's Charity are campaigning to change. Miscarriage is relatively common but that 1 in 4 statistic covers such a broad range of different types of loss. Some are very early on. Not to say that's not traumatic but MMC and late 1st trimester miscarriages have an extra layer of complication. You just want some answers as it's the best part of three months of your life gone. You thought you were healthily pregnant and the baby died weeks before. I was also very ill with mine and needed surgery. I agree once is maybe too soon to be investigated but twice suggests it could be recurrent. It's such a horrendous thing to go through once let alone twice. I can't imagine having three. Also the piece of mind that comes from ruling out any treatable causes helps give the courage to try again.

@Amanda81 it's horrible isn't it! We got so excited when we went for the ten week scan even though I'd had a small bleed. The last thing we expected was to hear the dreaded words that there was no heartbeat. It took such a long time to sink in as I was so sick and felt so pregnant. I don't know how I'll react to having to have an ultrasound again. I had three in total and I'm glad we did because we saw baby. He/she was tiny but you could see the head and body, the beginnings of arms and legs. We have a little scan picture too.

In hindsight we were very innocent. At 10 weeks your chances of a loss go down significantly. We'd even started to tell people. I was guarded through the risky early stages but with time we relaxed and got excited. It really does rob you of enjoying pregnancy. I know it's an anxious time for many but after a MMC I think it makes you doubt everything. It's such a shame. Just remember MMC is much rarer than other types of miscarriage. It's about 1% so not common to get so far in. I feel like this makes the grief harder because you've got used to being pregnant and bonded with the baby.

It's funny you mention flu jab. I had mine the week baby stopped growing. It's supposedly safe but I've always been a bit dubious about it. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that but I'm not sure I'd have one again. Like you say better to be a hermit.

I'm 3 weeks 3days post ERPC and no ovulation yet but I tend to ovulate late anyway at around 4 weeks. Will be asking if late implantation can be an issue. Of course I'll update you on doctor visit.

Did you have lots of pregnancy symptoms? I was told sickness was the sign of a healthy placenta though I know many woman are not sick. I guess it could have come away from the wall which I've heard of. I'm not a doctor but can imagine since the placenta develops from the foetal tissue it would be unique in every pregnancy so chances are ok next time.

You're right you don't think it will happen to you and if it does you don't expect the complications of MMC. Anyway hopefully we'll never have to go through this again! Xx

Have you both considered having your flu vaccine every year otherwise? I’m very pro-vaccine but I can understand why the correlation might make some people uneasy. Having been sick the past month with various colds, I absolutely wouldn’t want to risk the actual flu. Your immune system is more susceptible when you’re pregnant and they don’t let you take any serious medication. It’s so miserable. Also I’m basically a hermit and it doesn’t matter because my husband brings home illnesses from work. There’s no escape!

My husband and I get our flu jabs every year. Mine is covered by the NHS and his isn’t. We just go to Boots together and have it done. Because we went very early this year, it meant that I had it done before I knew I was pregnant.

I know my SIL also felt she had been robbed of that innocence. I don’t think I was ever that innocent about pregnancy, I knew I’d want to wait to tell people and didn’t really get that attached until about 17 weeks or so.

I think it’s okay to tell people as long as you’d be comfortable telling them about a miscarriage. We reached a point where I knew I’d want some family to be aware that I was pregnant. It’s a long time and a lot to go through without anyone knowing!

I also read someone talking about how their best memories were of their happy moments, before they miscarried. They didn’t want all of their pregnancy memories to be those of fear and sadness. I was being pretty negative and I think that helped reframe things for me. But of course I hadn’t suffered a loss and don’t know how much of your feelings you can really control.

Just wanted to add my story (particularly for the new joiners, welcome by the way) which may help alleviate some of your fears. I had an early loss at 6+1 in April last year I did have a horrible cold at the time but have no doubt that had absolutely nothing to do with it. Fast forward to October and I was planning a flu jab anyway as like kescilly me and dh have gotten them each year for last couple of years after having had horrible flu a few years back. I had a bfp so went along for my flu jab at just over 4 weeks pregnant and didn't have to pay as was pregnant. I am now 24+5 little girl is giving me a good kick to prove she is there.
Sadly mc is far too common and horrible experience for anyone to go through as no matter how far along you are you have already formed an attachment and it robs you of the pregnancy innocence. The first 3 months are tough enough but having a previous loss compounds the issue. I braved it out until the 12w scan and when I saw my baby on screen and was told all was well I did shed some tears in relief.
Flu is very serious in pregnancy and I would not hesitate to have the jab again whatever stage of pregnancy I am at. Fully determined to keep paying to get it in future as sure it helps and kids are known germ factories so anything which helps . Goodluck for everyone x

@Kescilly yes I'm absolutely pro vaccination and was more than happy to have the flu jab. I just can't ignore baby stopped progressing at that time. I'm not necessarily saying I wouldn't have one but would depend on when my next early pregnancy falls in relation to flu season.

I guess it's down to the individual and generally most people will be anxious, especially during early stages. Personally I was pretty relaxed the week it happened as statistically unlikely to miscarry. The midwife and doctor were all happy with how I was progressing. I was being told the sickness was a sign it was a healthy pregnancy. I was even measuring big. The doctor said prepare for possibly twins. We did not expect it at all.

It's unfortunately very difficult for me to find happy memories from my pregnancy. I was very ill within a week of finding out. I would cry because I felt so sick. We were obviously excited when we got the positive test but mostly I felt ill, so ill I don't think I was present enough to worry too much about something going wrong.

Honestly after a loss the appointments and diagnostic scans go from feeling a bit scary to terrifying. Seeing your baby lifeless on the screen really is the stuff of nightmares so I will definitely need to prepare myself before I fall pregnant again so I'm not a nervous wreck. I'll get there though and we are being as positive as we can about next time.

Hi @Blondcat I'm so sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your daughter. I can imagine it's been scary at times but you got there. That 12 week scan must have been amazing after all you'd been through.

To be honest I would need a bit of a pep talk by the doctor before having a flu jab if I was 6 weeks pregnant like I was last time and I had to have the jab at that point for some reason. If I'm not pregnant at the beginning of flu season I'll get one done early so I'm covered. I'm keen to have one but will be more wary of timing.

It might seem silly and I know logically it was unlikely to be the cause of our loss but it would be unsettling for me to have it at that exact point in time. I'm sure there will be ways round it so I'm still covered.

@Catconfusion so sorry to hear your sad news. I hope the docs goes well for you and you get to start trying again as soon as you can ❤️

@Kescilly I bet you are. I’m sure you will do fantastically though 💕.
I am ok thank you. Had a lovely day enjoying the sunshine.

DP has just picked up some ‘wellman’ vitamins and I just need to find myself some time to get some yoga in and go from there with exercise and desressing myself over things I can’t control! I need to put a little wait on so thinking maybe some weights or running also?

Thank you @BambiOnIce80. Your upcoming plans sound lush. I am so jealous. I feel in the mood to make plans now too lol. I’m always hesitant because we don’t know what’s around the corner. But stuff it, I could be thinking that for years and put off doing so much!

Hope all are having a good day, any testing, ovulating coming up soon?

To be honest @Catconfusion I'm clutching at straws with the placenta comment...just wish I knew why it happened. But never will. I'm also pro-vaccines, but would need some serious convincing if I am in the same scenario next flu season. My symptoms where very sore breasts, fatigued (had a nana-nap at 3pm most days), nausea, but never vomiting, and oddly a very stuffy nose...the stuffy nose was the worst as it kept me a wake at night and was very painful. I also developed snoring, which kept my DH awake 🤣🤣 at the time I joked. The stuffy nose has only just gone this cycle, but the purring continues 😂😂.

Good idea @Kescilly we actually had lots of fun time during the pregnancy and it brought us closer together as a couple. We have always been close as a couple as we have suffered other family losses, but losing something together brought us closer still.

@Blondcat pleased to hear things are going well for you.

Hello @Carley32 are you using CB this cycle? I decided to use up my sticks. I'm pleased I did as I ovulated early at cd14, I'm now in the tww at a very early 4dpo. So no testing for me at the moment. My geeky 🤓 glasses have been put on @BambiOnIce80 and am wondering if my LP will have lengthened or my cycle will be shorter. I do feel different this cycle, almost as if I have returned to norm. I'm hoping my LP has lengthened by 3 days, which would make it 14, as opposed to 11.

Very pleased with myself this week (apart from the massive downer I was on yesterday), I have ran for three consecutive days 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ enjoying this sunshine before the wet weather returns.

Oooh, thanks for the recommendations @Amanda81 and good work on getting your runs in 😊

I hope you had a good date day yesterday @Carley32? Definitely get yourselves some plans made (just remember to avoid the Zika areas 🤓) - life's too short to not do nice things.x

CD28 here today and temp is still up, so think it's going to be either a 29 or 30 day cycle this time. The main thing is it's not a crappy 19 day cycle like last time!! 🎉😎🎉😎

I notice the thread is getting glitchy (taken me 3 attempts to post!) and it looks like we're close to maxing out again - where does the time go?! I'll start a new thread and tag everyone from the last few pages in it 👍

Here's the link to the new thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3520015-35-TTC-1-Thread-6?watched=1&msgid=85238792#85238792