We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Ah good one black, I would have loved to see the threads of outrage if you'd have gone with fuck

Oh corgi, I missed your post. I'm sorry

Hello everyone... Catching up on all your news - the thread moves quickly!

Not much to report on here, just waiting for AF to finish so we can get down to business! Plus buried under a mound of work.. Not sure how those of you who do shifts manage it, I have the utmost respect!

I can probably beat you all when it comes to blood tests though... I'm T1 diabetic so last preg I had one every fortnight. Plus,the height of glamour, a 24hr urine test. Which then leaked on the tube on the way to the hospital so I had to get off the tube to transfer to another container, trying to hide it in plastic bag. Grim. 8 months preg in a heatwave, carrying a huge flagon of piss.

Sorry the witch got you corgi

f1ddlesticks that's painted a lovely picture lol

You had better fill this fred viroids, i'm watching!

Corgi don't get disheartened - I don't get early BFPs...not out til the red broomstick's parked up!

Ah, F1ddle, that sounds fabulous

I'd love another pearl-clutchingly outraged thread!

Fill up the Fred time!

Oh fiddle I'm sorry but that made me laugh! Cheered up my afternoon no end, especially since I managed to stab myself in the thumb with the tip of a very sharp knife idiot.

Almost halfway through the twot. It's a long one. Going to see my beautiful 6.5 month old niece on Sunday too. I can't wait to see her but it does make me jealous. Bad person.

Sorry about the bfn Corgi, is AF due today? Hope you are having cuddles with the real corgi.

FILL

DA

FRED!

that's an epic fred filling effort, there's still 37 messages left!!!!!

Pud I am indeed having cuddles with the real corgi, she is lying by the fire like a furry little slug. Planning a gin at the pub later but not sure whether this is naughty as Chat has pointed out the witch has not yet arrived.... Hmm. I do feel quite PMSy though....my cycle is normally 32 days and this is day 28 though I did ice earlier than usual this month (Halloween), and the LP is normally fairly fixed in length isn't it?
What are you lovely viroids up to this weekend?

Hahaha fiddlesticks you poor thing! Eeeesh

jelly I always turn up too early

Meh, gin will be fine. Disclaimer: I also say this on the grads Fred and advocate gin as a pain relief method during labour. I may have a problem with gin.

fiddle. That sounded grim though it's funny now.

ciri lo is usually fixed I think

chat

Sorry to all those with AF. I'm waiting for mine to end this weekend to get back to shagging.

My DH is so desperate for a baby he keeps asking if we can shag yet and if I'm ovulating! Poor man...

My DH doesn't really understand the whole ovulation thing, until a couple of weeks ago he thought it happened during your period .

Had D21 prog done today - impressed with the phleb, got it first time with no effort! Will sneak a peek at the result early next week...

Hiya, so Ive been avoiding the thread coz I felt like a baby obsessed zombie and needed to give myself a shake.

Its not worked though, I even bought ovulation sticks on the way home from work today...

How is everyone getting on?!

Yeah it wasn't my finest moment... Funny in hindsight though!

Penguin I know what you mean, you can really lose your marbles in this process.

Hope your thumb's ok Keepthehope!

I think I'll survive thanks fiddle. I had some very minor blood loss and it's a bit stingy. DH's reaction was "oh.. Oh dear" so definitely not that bad!

Another day, another FB baby bomb. Just some old friends from uni, and a very sweet couple at that, but still makes me wistful.

Also DH did not appreciate the Sainsbury's Christmas ad so I think he is rubbish.

sock my DH also thinks the mog advert is rubbish. DM on the other hand just txt me to say she almost bought the soft toy mog from Sainsbury's today - she is 65

My cycle has gone erratic this month, cd18 got a positive opk yesterday after a very near positive the day before but still drowning in ewcm - need to jump DH later someone please remind me of the late Ov in about 12 days time when the optimistic crazies will begin.

That sucks Sock. At least on FB you can congratulate through tears gritted teeth.

Excited to be getting home to these Christmas ads - I've not seen any of them yet.