We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Congratulations ill! So happy for you. Don't worry about a faint line. I was talking to a friend yesterday and she told me she didn't get a positive from poas until she was over a week late. Her baby is very real and cute
for Just and Chat.
Speaking of the womble conker, I've been carrying it everywhere with me for luck. I got my bag thoroughly searched at airport security yesterday and I was a bit embarrassed but she didn't find it. Maybe it's invisible to non viroids!

Corgi step away from the pissy sticks. Though shall not test until AF is late!

Eep, I'm scared of babies being born in car parks. My Mum's labour with me was 45 minutes start to finish. We live 40 minutes away from the MLU...

Congratulations Ill!

monkey I was hoping someone would mention the womble conker because I actually don't know what it means!! Womble I know but what is the conker?

pud aww and i'd pinched some pissy sticks from work for the very purpose! you will have way longer than 45 mins as a primip I would hope!

Actually I already feel like this won't be my month because I have a few chin spots which normally appear to herald the witch. Hmph. We'll see ...

Congratulations ill!

Argh start of the twot, I have been dreading you!! We've given it our all this month, DH is totally on board with really trying to do everything we can, it's going to be a long wait.

AF due Sunday 22nd but with permission from the viroids I'll test 21st as we're going to see a good friend in London who we haven't seen since February and we tend to have a shitload bit of wine so I'd want to know and get my excuses in place so she can see straight through them.

I'm glad Fruit reminded me it was her who found the sacred womble conker. It has been a source of much amusement! The airport lady not seeing it proves conclusively it had mystical powers.

Sorry to hear about the baby bombs Just and Corgi. I find they come in batches, just when you've let your guard down. The surprise newsfeed womb photos and public sharing can be a shocker. My newsfeed is full of a friends wife who has the most adorable baby and she is stunning, like a model of something and she keeps posting Mamas and Pappas lifestyle type photos of her and the baby. I'm mostly jealous she looks more amazing than ever five minutes after giving birth! How?not fair! (She is very nice though so can't get too bitter!)

Just I'm jealous you have a range. Does it heat the house too?

I knew I forgot something. Just and corgi I'm sorry about the baby bombs, especially the thoughtless hurry up one. If there's anything I've learnt from the past few months ttc it's that you just don't know what other people are going through, no matter how close you think you are, so a bit of tact and compassion goes a long way.

Hello lovelies.

Congratulations ill my df was a bit reluctant to get excited when I showed him my bfps too- I ended up doing a digi and showing him the word pregnant ! He started to believe it was real then.

Sorry about baby bombs just and corgi

Is the womble conker an actual conker?! I don't know this story...

fruit isn't travel of the womble conker restricted as it's technically a seed?

Kate someone found a conker which had markings on its surface which looked like a womb and ovaries.

Man, we are weird

the best kind of wierd though!

Wise words Keep.
I don't know Pretz, maybe I unknowingly smuggled it. Now the womble conker will have to go on the run! Time to dig out my emergency spare passport. If I make it to Ecuador, I will send an encrypted message back to you. So long, viroids.

thanks fruit! Don't think I've ever been called wise

fruit, you rebel!

Congrats ill

Congrtaulations Ill!!! Fread is defo good luck atm, let's hope the luck rubs off on a few of the rest of us.

NFMV: CD14, & shagging like mad. Had a night off from last night, spent the night at my mum's & had a girlie night out for her birthday. Settling down to watch Downton Abbey, & then plan to jump on hubby again

Thanks everyone, going to stick around here for a few days if you guys don't mind. First ever bfp and feeling a little unsure.

Lil - I am still taking the vit c, when should/could I stop?

Gx for everyone in the tww.

ill congratulations!!!!! Definitely a line. And of course you can hang out here for as long as you like! I don't know about the vitamin c, but maybe switch to pregnancy multivitamins? That way you'll get everything you should be getting? I think

fruit flying out of the country shouldn't be an issue with the womble conker. It's landing into countries you need to be more wary of, and they all seem to have different rules and regulations.. I hope it brings you holiday luck!

No sign of af here, and the pink tinges seem to have vanished.. damn it. Will have to try and get a doctor's appointment in the next couple of weeks or so then...

corgi yep nights again I seem to be living on nights at the moment this is the third week out of the last four I've been on nights it's a good job I seem to have got over the worst of the side effects of the clomid now as am having to take whilst swapping from days to nights at present
Baby in the car park that is a bit dramatic my first two took forever but my third was a police escort and I gave birth in the doorway as they where trying to take me to theatre as they said baby had become very distressed not half as distressed as me I can tell you! Whole thing took 20 minutes went into shock and shook for about an hour but weirdly I knew from the minute I realised I was pg that it was gonna be a super fast labour maybe I just talked myself into it!

Hang around as long as you like, Ill. I know those nerves!

Canaries, Tenerife/La Gomera - was excellent. Sunny and beautiful, DD adored the strong Atlantic waves! Tired now thoùgh, travelling does that to me. Back to the UK tomorrow and the big packing operation starts in earnest.

Can't believe we own a travelling womble conker :)

Had the loveliest surprise this week - I've been nominated for a MN secret santa! Such a shock, I've no idea what I've done to deserve it. If it was any of you, thank you.

I delivered a baby in A&E resus once, but never in the car park! It was bloody terrifying - normally the ambulances take labouring women straight to labour ward, but in that particular hospital, LW was about a quarter of a mile from A&E and they didn't think they'd get there in time! Of course the obs team also had to run from the other end of the hospital so by the time they arrived it was all over.

Chat that sounds awesome, anyone else going on holidays?

Go Chat for secret santa. Glad you had a nice holibobs too! :)

Argh! Cori, that's mental! And you medical ladies must be good to have around in a crisis –it must be terrifying for the woman and you to have a baby popping out where it's not supposed to!

Did anyone see that episode of OBEM when a lady got up to go to the loo and the baby just fell out, her husband caught it! The stuff of nightmares!

Can we have photos of what the womble conker is up to? Maybe a shot of it in front of the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower?

just for corgi conkers
disclaimer - these are not the infamous womble conker, just plain conkers