We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Talk for yourself feathered ;) no nutters!

I think you should go back to kez keep

pee don't get too upset it drives the best of us insane. But as others have said you don't need all that fancy shit to get pg, just shag shag shag

There, name changed!

Feathered I am on the Undergrads FB group but it does still have me down as Kez anyway!

London/Kate No, they don't have kids, and I'm pretty sure the one who said that doesn't really know much about the whole TTC thing anyway, so I'm not surprised she'd come out with something like that, just made it super-awkward later on.

Hooyah peenut!

Aww kez I'm sorry, I feel bad you changed your name. I would have changed mine as I got here after you!

Pee hooyah! And one for me while we're at it. Pulling myself together after my silly moment earlier.

Oh and I meant to say thanks Kate. I needed someone to say something like that and snap me out of it.

Sock I really don't know how people have such strong views and opinions on things that they know nothing about sometimes.

Question viroids-- how many people no you are TTC in RL? Initially we didn't tell anyone but after bp our parents on both sides both know and one of my very good friends. My DH wants to keep it secret which I understand though our good friends have all told us when they started TTC so it feels kind of weird not telling them.

London - I've only told a couple of my really close friends that we're TTC. Definitely not telling anyone at work.
It does mean that making plans for the nearish future is a bit difficult (some of DH's friends are asking if we want to go on hol with them next summer - hopefully I will either have a v little bubba or be preggers, but can't tell them that!). Not told our families either as i think that would add to the pressure.
Ps: On the viriods advice, I managed to jump DH last night! And then made him sleep in the spare room as I didn't want to catch his cold/ man flu...

Hi all.

Like you all we have been ttc. Only just started so don't know how long it will take. It's so annoying people asking when am I having a baby (we have been married for 3 years and lots of friends have had/having babies). It's not like we aren't trying! Not everyone falls within a few months. We aren't telling anyone as can't deal with the added pressure of people watching you to see if your pregant yet!

Hope you all get your bfp soon x

We didn't tell anyone but after mc a handful of people know inc my parents but not DH parents. I had to tell dm to stop asking as she started wanting monthly updates. Now she doesn't dare ask me anything

NFMpacking - just finished, had to repack after weighing as the case was overweight, all now redistributed with 1.5kg spare as I don't trust Ryanair one bit. Alarm set for 4am but I will be on the sun lounger (weather permitting) by lunchtime

Ditsy
London we didn't tell anyone at first but told our families and quite a few friends after the mc and then I gradually started telling a few more people that we were trying, but only when they questioned why I wasn't knocking back the gin the conversation about kids came up.
Have a lovely holiday Black.

Just had a catch up on the Fred.

Hello to all the newbies that have snuck in!

Glad to hear that Lil is doing okay!

I went away for the weekend. Finally saw DH on Friday night, though wasn't in the best of moods - was really tired and had driven for 6 hours after a busy day at work. Good sex though. And even better sex on Saturday night. maybe absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Haha. Both back home now, and exhausted after our time away.

Got a letter through from the FC outlining the last appointment, and another from the gynaecologist. Both were copies of letters that had been sent to my gp.
Oh, also have a text from my gp telling me I am entitled to a free flu jab. Don't know why and entitled to a free one...

Have been so tired today. Think the weekend has caught up on me.. roll on next week...

Yay Kez is kezagain! Love it.

Hi Paige waves Feel free to hang around, we'll try to keep you sane during the wait.

You are welcome keep it's easy to say but tricky to do! Just be kind to yourself.

london only 1 person knows we are actively ttc - a mother figure type colleague of mine! A few people know we have been thinking about it, but not that we've started trying. I think it would feel lie too much pressure!

Two weeks suddenly feels like a very long time...

Where are you off to, MyBlackCat? I think I missed you saying.

We've told a few people now that we are TTC - my mum and sister know, a few online/RL friends from another forum, the friends from the other day (though I'm not sure how much they really got it) and I told the girl organising our ski trip yesterday. She was incredibly supportive so I have decided I will go on the trip, and just not ski if I am pregnant. It also gives me even more motivation to get fitter so I don't die of exhaustion on the slopes!

Thanks Honeysucklejasmine xx

A lot of people know we're thinking about starting ttc around now but only a couple of close friends know we are. I don't think anyone will be surprised when it does happen though.

Welcome Paige!

Thanks for the Hooyahs viroids. I've had a word with myself now and ovulation most had cleared chucks mind altering smiley face monitor out of window, oh how I love that smiley face icon.

Hmmm. Wasn't going to talk to many people about TTC but me and my big mouth ... Seem to have mentioned it to quite a few people. Mainly because basically everyone I know has a baby or is pregnant or TTC. Only a few friends get the level of detail I subject you all to though. So far it's not been too bad with questions. Only people who annoy me are DHs family members who ask stupid questions like don't you want a family?

Actually had a nice chat to my mum about it all the other day. I'd not wanted to go into detail in case she gets over excited/annoying about it all but she was good to chat to about it. She said when she was pregnant with my brother it took two missed periods for the test to show positive. Imagine, a TMOT (two months of tourure!) Thankfully things have advanced since 1983. She was also orders eight weeks of bed rest after a threatened miscarriage at twelve weeks! Not sure they'd do that now!

Where you off on hols black?

Sorry - ovulation mist, not most.

I think everyone we know knows we are ttc I find it makes it much easier being upfront nobody asks loads of annoying stuff I guess as they know me they figure if there's news I'll let them know! Plus it is so much easier not having to explain why I won't nurse certain infections at certain times of month and why I don't drink etc..! If we have summit like mumps on the ward my colleagues always say don't go in that room just in case and swap a patient with me guess I'm quite lucky in that respect!

Thanks KeptTheHope x

I've just checked back and my last cycle was 24 days - I am pretty sure the one prior to that was too. If that is the case, the witch is in fact due today I burst out crying last month when she turned up.

Quite a few people know we are TTC but they are close friends and they don't ask how it's going. Apart from one... Who's pregnant with her 2nd in the time we've even trying

Boobages are still hurting. Lower back is hurting and I'm having restless nights - haven't slept all the way through in over a week which is unlike me. And I swear I could taste blood or something yesterday.

God I'm sick of these TWOTs

Welcome paige

waves to ain - at least you are getting somewhere with your FC -ours haven't even confirmed our first appointment yet!

Thanks Kez. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that your witch has gone travelling for 9 month :) x

Welcome Paige :)

Glad your ski-organiser is understanding, Sock. Have fun on off the slopes!

London everyone knows we're TTC. Miscarriages last year were unfortunately timed during a weekend on call and immediately before a friend's wedding...then Tiny... I suppose a few people who haven't asked might assume we're waiting, but we're not. Except DH is working away this week, next week, and then every week from mid-November until Christmas...so we may struggle.

Happy holidays Black!

Thanks paige, hope she has - she's a grade a twat