We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Yes I've also heard saliva can potential kill sperm or reduce its effectiveness(?) how true it is I don't know.

just we are going to the cinema one day and just chilling the rest of it I think. Making the most of time off before work on Wednesday. Yes I remember your boobages werent sore last month as neither were mine. Strangely enough this month they have hurt more than previously... They have hurt since I think it was a day or two before we went away and are still tender now. The witch is due on Wednesday and as sore boobages/nips have never proved to be a positive symptom in the past for me I doubt it will be a BFP this month. Still awaiting FC appointment too which I'm not happy about. Chased them up the other day as we should have had one by 14th (booked) - nothing.

I totally forgot about it during yesterday's shag though. TTC left my mind for a change and I got caught up in the spirit of the deed. Only remembered the no BJs thing after the fact.

keep love that we are the same! Mine are more sore and for longer than usual too. If there is one thing I've discovered it's that symptom spotting is pointless doesn't stop me though
Annoying about fc app. Keep chasing the bastards.
What you seeing? We were going to see the Martian this weekend but couldn't be bothered in the end. We listened to the audiobook geeks a while back and loved it.

at you getting carried away London! Sounds like it was a good un! How are you feeling? I'm glad you are icing again and having a short wtf cycle. Gx for you. Do talk to us if you're having a wobble.

What cd did you ice on keep? I might as well go by your dates as I don't know mine! If I did ice on cd10 or 11 I'm due next sun and would be a 24 day cycle which is shortest for a while!

sneaks in

It's not officially official yet, but we WILL be ttc number 2 very soon, DD is a JS baby conceived in June 2014 and is now 8 months old. I'm going to start my super strength frolic acid again when I've checked its ok to take while breastfeeding, then we'll be ttc at the start of next year after I've seen my consultant in December! (Unless I can convince DH to start sooner ;) ) though I'm not expecting much luck because DD is a boob snacker and I've not had AF since having her yet, hmmmm

We are going to see the Martian just - the trailer looks brilliant. Due to how extortionate it is to see films at cinema we only go and see things that are worth seeing on the big screen. Plus it should be quieter when everyone else is at work!

the boobages started to hurt on Saturday 10th which is when I anticipated to ice. I don't use contraband at all so I never know exactly... I just tend to go by how horny I am and cm As I normal have 24-26 day cycles I kinda just anticipate based on calculating the previous months.

To be honest if this month isn't it I will be buying a shed load of ovulation kits off amazon. I've always said I refuse to as I think it'll add more stress but as we are now in the 14th cycle and FC is taking an age getting back to us I think I'm going to go for it.

In rubbish with it all, I don't even monitor when we DTD... We just try for EOD.

waves at Zyla I remember you popping in now and then when I first joined JSers (I was kezaroo back then) Hope the little one is well and glad to hear you are going to start ttc 2!

Keep losing bloody message so in short:

Hi zyla, why the super strength frolic if you don't mind me asking?

keep I think contraband makes me feel more in control.

Original message was hilarious I assure you!

Just I'm doing okay. I had a major wobble at work on Friday but yesterday we had a big group of friends around for dinner which has lifted my spirits. Also, shagging again is nice and having something to look forward to.

Gx you this is your cycle and you did't ice too early for a bfp!

Hi keep and just. I'm type 1 diabetic and some diabetics don't absorb the folic acid as much as others, so they give us much stronger stuff, just in case because too much isn't an issue apparently :). That's also why I need to wait until I see my consultant in December, just to get the thumbs up :)

Ah I see. Thanks for explaining!

London a wobble now and then is expected, you seem really positive overall which is great.
I've stopped hoping now but would be nice not to need fc app!

just yeh I think that is another reason I'm going to start using contraband going forward. I don't want it to get to a stage at the FC where they ask me questions I can't answer because I don't track anything!

I have opened up to a RL friend recently too and she said her DH had low motility which is something our GP highlighted. She's now got a 10 month old gorgeous son. It filled me with hope... But the way I then look at it is; i am unlucky in everything I dunno I guess I don't see it happening naturally for us.

just I hadn't heard of them before either, just saw it on the shelf near the thrush cream etc!

Hi Zyla !

London

Yay! Zyla!

Had an awkward moment with friends last night - after an earlier conversation where one was telling me about her friend who'd just had an ectopic and said "But they've been trying for SIX MONTHS, it's not looking good," they then got onto the topic of next year's skiing (as previously mentioned in this thread) and were bugging me why I was thinking of not going. They said "What does it depend on?" and in the end I had to say "It depends on whether or not I'm pregnant but it's not looking enormously likely so I don't know what to do." But unfortunately this all happened right at the end of the night just as I was about to get off the Tube, so there was no real conclusion or chance to talk about it.

Aside from that, the march went really well, it was a great atmosphere and a very well-behaved protest. Fingers crossed it achieves something!

Hey kate

chat!! runs over for cuddles I'm only lurking for a bit, but im lurking with intent now :)

Sock that's rubbish. Do the people have kids? I feel like a lot of the people we know who do took well over 6 months so it's odd they said that.

Sock that's rubbish.

Nfmv: for a few days now I've been having weird tugging feelings in my pelvic area along with the odd sharp pain, dull ache and back pain. Started to convince myself this was going to be our month and then realise it also kind of feels like when I had a few ovarian cysts a couple of years ago. Absolutely gutted and now convinced it's that. Can't wait to just know on Saturday so I can have a big sulk.

sock that was a weird comment- everywhere I have seen says up to a year is nothing to worry about, so 6 months is nothing surely? Sorry they made you feel awkward, I bet they will be feeling terrible xx

keep don't try to tell the future!! I know it's easier said than done but just try to wait and see what happens on Saturday

Sock I salute you on your marching. Goodness, people don't half suffer foot in mouth when talking randomly about babies and pregnancy. They obviously don't mean to cause offence but it's easily done.

Keep Try to focus on something else til Saturday, you might still be in.

Please all give me a hooyah this morning. TTC has sent me utterly and officially bonkers, and is making me a selfish sod.

DH went to support a dear friend of ours who has just had a terrible, terrible bit of news. I left him in the pub feeling totally understanding of him staying with our mate for moral support. (I won't go into it on here but it's very sad.)

However ... also got a positive OPK test yesterday and by the time I got home from the pub I was feeling all aggitated and decided that DH might still be in a state for baby making when he got home. He wasn't. Even coaxing with a cup of tea wouldn't work.

I then proceeded to have a mini tantrum storming off to bed and leaving him asleep on the sofa. Obvioulsly going out an getting pissed when we knew yesterday was prime DTD day would be bad behaviour, usually.

However I am being a selfish turd on this occasion because what happened to our friend is so awful of course he needed his mates around him.

I feel really, really guilty today. I don't think DH realised I stormed off to bed as he was happily drunken snoozing, it's just the fact I was thinking like a selfish loon.

Anyway, it wasn't even that big a deal. We DTD saturday eve and can do it tonight. I think it's just the thought of doing all this again next month that sent me wild with wanting to try everything we could this month.

Slaps self around face and tells self to get a grip and thanks stars all else in life is good, not for our friend at all.

HOOYAH ME. HOOYAH

Hooyah pee
people get pg without opks or paying any attention to icing, so one day wont make ANY difference! We aimed for dtd eod, but didn't even manage that and I still got upduffed.
gx for you and hope your friend's ok

Seriously considering changing my name again!! Can't keep up with two keeps

Keep go back to Kez! If you join the FB group, everyone (within the group) will learn of your dramatic voice true identity anyway! and the good news is that none of them appear to be complete nutters so far!

Thanks 5hell. I need a stern talking to.

Slaps shelf across face again

Sorry, self, not shelf.

Goddam you SHELF!