We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Totally agree la and jelly, my friend is v responsible though, she's in a similar job to you la and she ended up with hers after it was mistreated. She would agree on banning their keeping.

lil results?

the concept of a hedgehog as a pet had never occurred to me.
to me they are cute, but wild.

thanks for the sympathies, i just need to 'man-up' and get shagging in a few days, and next month stongly ingnore any 'symptoms' (damn hormones!)

Hugs for you 5hell

5hell

5hell

oh yeah results. I passed

5hell can I ask whether you iced the month after mc? Just curious really. Know I'm going to be in for a difficult couple of months as mc seems to have done weird and not-wonderful things to my womble/hormones.

Well done Lil! What exam was it?

tax exam feathered. I can now be a chartered tax advisor!
as for icing after mc, I had 2 weeks after bleed stopped where my hormones were all over the place, then my normal cycle seemed to kick in, so I ovulated about 2/3weeks later than usual. hth.

Congrats lil!

Congrats Lil

Feathered my post mc wtfs were both about a week longer than usual - presume that means I iced a week late.

Well done lil

Congrats lil

Big hugs 5hell (nearly posted that as big huge 5hell!! Would not have been helpfull, bloody typos )

Dreamt I had a chemical pregnancy last night, and my grandad was there (he died a few months ago), we were walking over some stiles and a magically poas without actually doing it (no peeing actually involved) and it was frer (posh). Then the second line started to go all blurry and I was rushing to take a photo and post it on here so you would believe me!
This morning I've had 2x fried bacon and egg baps, massive ones. And I don't even eat bacon. What does it all mean?

Well done lil

Nfmv: ewcm alert by the gallon going to jump DH later gx

I'm operating a few days later on my cycle this month - please remind me of this in a couple if weeks when I think AF is late and she won't be

Are you qualified cat?

Fully qualified tink

tink what a strange dream! bacon craving obviously premonition of a pregnancy craving

Can you operate on mine please cat? Implant a baby or something?

yay lil I'm sending you my tax slips as I type.
Ahem. tink It means you are about to win the lottery. Or meet a tall, dark stranger. Or find love in retrograde Mercury. I'm a fully qualified dream analyst

Well done Lil! What are you qualified in Cat?

Tink I've had some funny dreams recently...and....I've kind of decided to.... embarrassed to admit this...

see a psychic my friend recently visited.

The friend in question is on maternity leave and went along to support her friend. Long story short, the psychic ...

1. Told my friend to go to the doctor as there was something wrong here (then put her hands on her neck). Told her it was easily cured but that's why she was feeling so down on herself. Two weeks later friend diagnosed with underactive thyroid and immediately put on strong medication.

1. Told friend not to be frightened but she may have a small car bump but that everyone would be fine. Three weeks later friend waiting at traffic lights and got smashed into from behind.

1. Told friend that her Mum needed her support and that her heart was broken. Her mum confessed a few days later that she was depressed and that she would always love her Dad (her mum and dad had a complicated divorce)

AND LOADS OF OTHER SPOOKILY ACCURATE STUFF.

So I'm going to go along. For a laugh, but also...well, come on - she sounds pretty damn good right?

I'm obviously telling no one that I'm going (apart from you lot, the friend who has already seen her and my BF).

Oh god, is everyone going to think I'm the type of person who buys "Take a Break" and phones tarot hotlines....?

I'm not. Honest. It's just my extremely level headed chum was utterly flabbergasted. And also embarrassed. She's catholic. She knew she crossed a line going along

feather bit woo for me but I have a couple of friends who go regularly! I love take a break my nan saves them for me

Thanks la put some cat food out. It seems to like snacking on the fallen bird seed so we'll see if she stays. Idiot Dh shone the torch at her last night and she scurried off so hopefully some Felix will tempt her back.

feathered I saw a medium when I was 18 and literally nothing she said was right. I'm a bit woo though so believe that some people must have a gift, I've just never met one. Just keep your sensible head on

Thanks all for the advice.

Went through so many IC that I think I might be buying 1000 next time I order!

I went to a psychic night once Feathered, and although I didn't get picked to go up my friend did and it was spookily on point for a lot of things. I hope it goes well for you and make sure you let us know if they were right or not!

How is the contraband free shagging treating you just?

feathered I'm qualified in a few things but operating is not one just I will implant a baby for you once I've worked out how on do it myself - may be a long wait

So in the interests of research and motivation how many times per cycle do you actually shag? This question is mainly aimed at those who have been ttc more than six months forever

I ask because if you dtd every other day of fertile week that would be four times right?? That's enough right??

Cuntraband free shagging is great! I think I iced today based on stabby pains and ewcm. I'm far more relaxed though. Feeling rather zen actually!

cat sounds about right. We have had sex 6 times in last week but sometimes we do more sometimes much less. I think honey was saying she got upduffed on a less active cycle though so I'm not convinced it matters, more about hitting it at right time. If anything I tend to go for more round ov date. We have done 4 shags over last 3 days this time but because dp is randy bugger not because I thought we should.