We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

frak sorry if we scared you off with our fangirling

tink congratulations on your birthday and also your poo baby

Happy birthday tink. Glad you managed to squeeze one out

frak come back!

Just trying on dresses for a wedding we are going to and hating my body! Never try on without make up and heels!
Cooking a curry in a mo though so that will help I'm sure!

Come back please frak I could do with some of your luck sprinkled my way

Wow I did 10 lengths yesterday and felt like I'd been swimming for hours ... Props to you viroids who can swim loads!

pickle I've been doing the following:-

7 minute abs workout
5 minute arm workout without weights with Tracy campolini .... Think it's called tank top ready
And 30 day squat challenge by healthista

It's about 20 mins in total and I've been doing it everyday ... Feels really good. Plus I can do it once dd has gone to bed so it fits In really well.

Day off today though as totally shagged after a ridiculously busy time at work preparing for our annual audit! Stressy times.

Happy birthday tink and congrats on the celebratory poo!

Well done on the 10 lengths Disco, I think swimming is relaxing, but I get so bored of it after only a couple lengths.

Any viroids use a fertility app which charts temps in degrees celcius? I have two apps but both only take temp in Fahrenheit which is a pain when my thermometer is in degrees.

Happy birthday Tink hope you get spoiled rotten and can't beat a well overdue poo

fluffy fertility friend does both

tink hope u had a great day.

UPDATED STATS!!

Tink
34!!
Dc's: 0
Cats: 2
Dogs: 1 very clever monkey
HEDGEHOGS: 1 living in the garden, discovered by darling doggie tonight!

Lovely birthday thanks all!

Food eaten this evening:
Pate and toast
Salmon and smoked haddock fish cakes with watercress and tomato salad
Strawberry cheesecake with strawberries and apple ice cream
Staffordshire cheese board
2x baby bottles prosecco
1x cafetière decaf coffee
Amaretto

was much nicer than it prob sounds! Went for the simple dishes as thought they'd prob be done really well, and they were!

la am I ok to give the hedgehog cat food to encourage it to stay? I know they are getting rare and I'm terribly excited it might want to move in!!

Yay tink glad you had a good birthday.

Look up mrstiggywinkles charity for guidance on making a hedgehog friendly garden.

Numb: not much, 12dpo which is 50/50 the normal day to start spotting. Don't want to test but my hospital app next week has to be between 7dpo and 12dpo :-(

Happy birthday tink!

Yes - cat or dog meat or crushed dog/cat biscuits are fine but don't use fish flavours/meat as it can disagree with them. Leave in shallow dish, plus some water.

To create house just put a board up against wall/fence with leaf litter or grass underneath, or wooden box with holes. No need to buy fancy house they don't care.

Hedgehog friendly garden:

Lots of cover - leaf litter, compost heap, hedgerows. Basically don't tidy garden too much
Cover any holes/drains that could be dangerous and trap a hog that falls in
Ditto ponds - use pond grid
Remove any netting eg fruit netting or prop it up so it is above ground level. Check any netting regularly for trapped wildlife
Take care using strimmer, mower or turning over compost heap. We see too many hogs with horrible injuries from these. Check first in long grass and under hedges before doing any cutting
Leave out food and water
Leave out log piles and create compost heap (lots of nice invertebrates for food)
Don't use pesticides or slug pellets
Ensure fencing has holes to allow passage through - hogs travel miles at night

Give me a shout if you need to know anything else!

Sounds like a lovely meal tink

Nfmv: having a v light af which is confusing. I guess im cd2 now. A bit sad and annoyed...since mc seem to get nausea pre-af, which obv gets my hopes up. Must shag more next month.

Hope everyone else is having a better week.

Ooh I fancy those fish cakes. A hedgehog! Hurrah! I adore them. Photo?

Sorry to hear that 5hell

NFMV:swimming in jizz. Last night and this morning!

I also love hedgies! Was completely smitten with the idea of buying an african pygmy hedgehog but DH was totally against the idea, he thinks they look terrifying We ended up with Ddog instead!

Hope it gets better 5hell, lots and lots of shagging when AF is done

NFMV- STILL WAITING FOR AF! Today is CD50, spotting has increased so I'm hoping by tomorrow she arrives. Since I am quite new to tracking ovulation, can I rightly assume that as AF has not yet arrived, then I was incorrect in predicting ovulation as being around 4 weeks ago? If AF is late, then it means ovulating was late? You can't ovulate and then have AF 4 weeks later can you?

Thanks Lil. I got fertility friend, and I thought it was just Fahrenheit? Guess I'll need to read up on this app a bit more, i've been going to such a faff of converting the temps. Can I ask where people take their temp from? I had started with my mouth but first few days the temps well all over the place, so I'm doing underarm instead.

Aw hedgepigs!
Anyone heard anything about la this morning? Seems she was on the move last night!

No fluffy has to be mouth or fanjo! It's v unlikely you ovulated 4 weeks ago. I'm assuming you have done countless ics in that time? There is a drop down menu on the app, click on Fahrenheit and then choose Celsius.

Ooh exciting, hope la has done a baby.

My friend has a Pygmy hedgehog!

fluffy I'm on android application - more-> settings-> general charting set up-> scroll down to units.

tink yay for yumny food and bday hedgehog!

so I'm waiting for my exam results, they are out at 8.30

V sensible fluffy! They are terrible pets :) That's the area I work on outing self slightly

Still pregnant.

Quick q, convinced I felt something happening in the ovary area yesterday and had v stabby shag last night. Does that mean I prob ovulated today or yesterday? not that I care about such trivial matters as I'm so zen and chilled

Oops ignore my ff advice, that's a different app! Lil is right as always!

lil eek. Fx for brilliant results!

la he's got to come out sometime!

I'm not a fan of hedgehogs, I think they are one of the novelty pets people get without really knowing their proper care reqs. They are cute though.

Tink that sounds delicious, glad you enjoyed.

That sounds a good work-out Disco. I do the 10-minute LBT on youtube while DD is in the bath. She thinks I'm mad.

Fluffy - agree, can't see you iced four weeks ago unless you're upduffed.

Good luck for results Lil.

5hell. Mine seems lighter than usual too. Maybe it's the heat

Yup jelly - didn't want to preach on here but I end up having to take in tonnes of them coz people don't look after them properly and they suffer or folk realise try don't do much and want rid. Folk don't realise they need tonnes of space, are nocturnal, need specific temperature to be kept in and are solitary. Wish I could get their keeping banned to be perfectly honest.

to those of you with af but chat hopefully it's a sign you're on your way to being able to try again next cycle. Keeping gx for all of you and will keep lurking and Pom Pom waving

Your dinner sounds lovely tink, glad you enjoyed.

5hell very sorry to hear AF arrived. Enjoy some caffeine and booze whilst you still can.

NFMV: still got occasional tail-end-of-period nonsense going on but otherwise she's as dry as the Sahara. Tested negative for ovulation but if cycle was 'normal' I should be in my fertile zone from tomorrow.

Doubtful.