We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

dh tells me 1000mg vit c a day keeps you regular!!

Happy birthday tink :)

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear tink, happy birthday to youuuuuuuu!

Happy birthday tink

Glad your dh is open and talks to you about stuff Lil. Hopefully he'll soon tell what has got to him.
my dh is a bit of a closed book. I don't think he'd ever tell me outright if something upset him. Most conversations like that are started by me and are more like 20 questions lol. I have no idea what his thoughts are if we hadn't been able to conceive at all / can't have no 2. Truth be told he probably hasn't thought about it. Apparently I think / worry / over plan enough for the two of us..........

Thanks everyone again. You area all awesome! I did another two tests today (one frer and one normal one) and both came up thank goodness.
and sky thanks for the thyroid comfort! It's good that you were fine too. honey yes do let us know how it works!
tattoo due 1 April according to the internet calculators.
just very glam about the jizz bomb. Pleasant, really. Why weren't you wearing pants? Do you just walk around naked all the time? And where do I come to ogle? at least your knickers didn't smell funny for the rest of the afternoon
feather yay!
Decaf tea? Shudder. You can try redbush tea! It's very good with honey (and milk if you like milky tea) and has no-o-o caffeine at all.
It's very exciting when someone accidentally outs themselves on MN poppy, belly
wow on those calories lil! Don't you feel starving? I once tried counting calories and if I had anything less than about 1600 I just fell over. One of those stupid MOT things at the gym once told me my metabolism wants 2300 calories per day. Which just gave me leave to eat everything in sight. FuckinghellgymMOTs.
5hell AF update yet?
Happies Tink. I believe lil has some ice cream for you.
Sorry for the massive post. I had to work late last night as I did buggerall at work yesterday just peeked at the photo on my phone over and over again until the battery ran out and had something important due before midnight. yawn

Passed my driver theory test last night at the grand old age of 31 - it falls under the list of things I should have done years ago, but fuck it :)

On the counting calories thing... I maintain at around 2,300 and lose at 1,800. Relatively high activity level though. Gym and run this evening, meant to get up early for a swim before work but the sleepiness won out!

auf so. many. April Fools. baby. jokes

Happy birthday tink!

Well done TriJo - do you have plans for the practical test now?

Well done tri!

auf I wasn't naked, had a skirt on but no pants! Was just at home, I don't go commando out of the house! Yay for more tests but now stop! You're pregnant!

Well done tri

Last night we had our first jizz fail - in that there was none we were both tired and got very hot and in end just fell about laughing

Got back on track this morning though cd14 - ovulated this day last month I think but not much ewcm to report so far

Sock I'm hoping to at least try the practical test in around September. I've done about 20 hours of lessons so far. It was something that I wanted to get out of the way before kids come along so it's nice to feel like I'm making some progress!

black It's good to be able to laugh about jizz failure. I'm proud of you.
just I've stopped. Pity about the not being naked outside thing. I was willing to buy a train ticket and everything
Congrats tri that's awesome work! Also I need a lift to waitrose next Friday FWIW I sort of hope it will be an April Fool. Never a dull moment for the next 20 years in the Petrach household.

Just had a jacket potato for breakfast

My parents are both April fools babies! I'm quite a naked person, though rarely outside! To cheer up a pregnant person though I'm game!

Crazy Alert!!!

Viroids Iv been pissing on things. This is positive yes? This morning DH said he needed a night off poor lamb doesn't seem to have the stamina do we think I will be covered with last nights jizz and the Wednesday jizz I am going to insist upon?

Looks positive to me pickle

Looks good Pickle :)

Happy birthday Tink! Have a prune

Got to 2k, took 63 mins. Touch annoyed, is slower than last week, though further. Pool was busy though, had to swim around a lot of waders. It's very peaceful Lil - I lose track of time in there (and sometimes how many lengths I've done). I used to get bored after about 20 minutes, but now I like the thinking space.

Decaf tea is bad. I do like redbush, but I go off tea in pregnancy - think my body knows I can't have too much of the proper stuff so makes me not want any. Made night shifts tricky though.

Congrats on the theory Tri

Happy birthday tink!

I think all tea has something in in that's no good for pregnancy in large amounts. Can remember what though xx

Eep. Xx is how I sign off all texts. Tired today.

pickle it's go go go!
chat when you have to swim around people it takes a lot of time away from your total. i really do hate it. why can't there just be no-one in the pool when i'm there? whyyy-yy? For a while I had one of those underwater earphone mp3 players. It worked quite well to get over the first 20 or 30 lengths (the boring ones) before hitting the thinking space you refer to.
goes to make redbush

Pickle that's positive. Seduce your miroid.

Happy birthday tink

Wow chat that's a huge amount of swimming! I keep thinking I'm going to go and then never get round to it. I'm very good at thinkin about exercise!

Mr pickle has been politely requested to take a nap when he gets home from work, then seduction can happen when I get home

Nothing like a good long swim to soothe the mind, it's fantastic :)

Thanks for all the birthday wishes viroids!

I did a poo! IBS sucks balls and that's not the longest bout of not going I've had by a long chalk, but after 4 days of nothing and having eaten my body weight in bbq at the weekend I feel much much better! la if you're lurking here still I very much hope you have as relieving a labour as I just did and baby la can share my bday, and poo babies bday! What could be better

Also, what happened to frak? If you're out there lurking your post on the previous Fred brought us huge amounts of luck! I think we've had 8 bfps since, so erm, could you come back please? We've got some long timers on here in need of a bit of luck and actually, we're ever so nice and all that! and we'll definitely support you with your shagging! We're experts with advice and Pom poms!