There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Congrats thurs

And big congrats lil on your house purchase! How exciting! You're south west right? My DH is originally from Dartmouth so I get to spend some lovely mini hols in Devon. Whereabouts are you?

NFMV: Test still negative but paranoid I can see faint lines. Still bleeding and feeling down about it. I just want to get trying again

On the plus side, knowing I'm not pregnant or fertile - I just had two large g+ts with my best friend who I haven't seen for ages and one delightful Marlboro menthol (haven't smoked for a decade). Felt rebellious and a bit self destructive. Felt damn good.

(For anyone concerned - never was addicted, always a more social thing. Up until today felt sickened and heaved if I ever tried to start having the odd cheeky one again)

DH on a stag this weekend and I feel a little alone. Seeing DM tomorrow for some garden centre fun but didn't tell her about mc as she would worry / overcrowd me with sympathy. Might be hard not to tell her what has happened if I'm spending the day with her, but hey.

Feathered I know that 'desperate to crack on' feeling. It will come - in the meantime, enjoy the

Feathered I've been lurking a bit and just wanted to throw in my support too. What you've gone through is very hard and I remember that feeling of just desperately wanting to fill the pregnancy shaped hole as soon as possible. It is absolutely possible to crack straight on as soon as the tests say you're ready and you both feel ready. I was pregnant around 5/6 weeks after my mc.

Gx for you and sending you a hug and

Feathered, I'm with you! Finally enjoyed our wedding champagne with DH this evening. Mmmm, a lovely Bollinger.

Finished another sock monkey!

Cute monkeys

Today I have eaten:
A Big Mac meal
4 jam donuts
2 slices of bread with blue cheese and pickles
About 1l of diet coke.

Oh tink you are making me hungry! lol not long in from work and trying to decide what to eat now, if anything. I have no biscuits or cake in the house, just DD's yucky oreos. I am contemplating making a quick microwave cupcake......damn my healthy food shopping. The only thing that I can grab for a quick snack is fruit, fruit, oatcakes, and more fruit

I had forgotten how messy periods can be!! First time in about 8 years that AF has been heavy enough for me to use a tampon. And do you think DD would give me 1 min alone while I tried to sort myself out earlier? Oh no, she follows me into the downstairs loo, brings about 6 or 7 teddies with her for a little tea party, and tried to put her head in my knickers!!!!

Hee hee oh my days Tee. I'm good at making food healthy, let's see what I can do. 5 fruits and vegetables a day:
Gerkin on burger - tick
Dodgy lettuce on burger - tick
Fruit in jam from the doughnuts - tick
Pickles from the pickles - tick
The vegetable extract in coke - tick.

Okay that's five a day sorted. Let's see if you have a balanced diet:

Protein - tick
Carbs - tick
Lots of fruit and veg - tick (see above)
Fibre - tick (see fruit and veg)
Lots of water - tick (it's in the diet coke!)

All in all, a very healthy day. Carry on Tink!

Fluffy love the sock monkeys!! Do you have a link to a pattern?

Oh and a bag of jelly babies! This is protein right? (Babies)

Ha ha ha Tink!

Oooh, 'natural flavourings', that counts as even more fruit and veg.

I had nothing but coffee until 4pm... Then an embarrassingly large beef burrito, a children's bowl of pesto pasta at their tea timetime (6ish) then dinner with DP at 9 of chorizo, pork loin, and whatever's Spanish for Parma Ham (San Danielle?), green salad with pomegranate and peppers in tahini dressing and two meringue nests with no toppings for pudding... I think I need an intervention of some kind...

Thanks chat he was much nicer today but said he thought we agreed not to stress about it. Easier said than done.

Auf - :-) he ejaculates into the cup and then you insert the cup. It holds it up close to the cervix, only use it on days that are vital and we don't have energy/too sleepy to finish.

*serrano?

At least yours sound nutritious sky, unsurprisingly, today I have a headache and cloudy piss. I feel like I was drinking last night, but no, it's just the donuts fermenting.

Dh is away this weekend and is going to come home Sunday night to a happy, well turned out wife, a clean house, a stocked fridge, and things will be better from now on. I am adamant this will be true. I am even going to epilate my minge.

Just had a proper read through from yesterday but forgive me, my sugar addled brain has forgotten most things already.

kez go on girl, stay strong!

bob welcome, welcome

ill you're not alone with your miroid (auto to morbid) issues. I think they plan it amongst themselves to decide the pressure is far too great in our fertile windows, then want to shag with abandon when we have our period. Hope he continues being nicer.

cold arf! Head in your knickers. why do I want one of these again

feathered how is it today? Any lines/bleeding? We are all here for you.

chat when do you think next af might be due? Any signs of ovulation?

morning viroids.

off for afternoon tea and shopping today. going to a really nice hotel and dh thinks its acceptable to wear jeans and a t shirt. I despair!

feathered I'm not a million miles from Dartmouth actually . no holidays in Devon really as we live in Devon. holidays tend to be Cornwall if we aren't going abroad.

so yesterday morning I realised a sapphire had fallen out of one of my rings. haven't found it. so annoyed! and the last few days my wisdom teeth have been playing up. it hurts when I close my mouth. definitely a pg symptom right!

Sock monkey pattern- craftpassion.com/2012/04/how-to-sew-sock-monkey.html

lil I'm in Cornwall! All viroids must come visit

We are planning a trip to Devon in October for our 2nd anniversary! Cottage near Yelverton

I love Cornwall, we'll come see you Thursday.

Tink I've not the faintest clue. Being really optimistic, I'd like to guess I'm about 6dpo based on some nonspecific stabby pains last w/e. However, pinsticking on the calendar is probably about as likely to be correct. I've never paid it much mind, am a model JSer

feathered do whatever feels good, we are here for you. I hope you have a nice day with your mum

fluffy those are really cute monkeys. I wish I could sew but I hate needles.

lil my gums and wisdom teeth have been playing up big time for the last week defo a preggo symptom!

I like those weekends to yourself occasionally tink although i never get as much done as i plan.

I wrote a proper post but it got lost, so to summarise:

Bought pineapple ;)
Probably ovulating (ferning + poky shag)
Made cake

Making those monkeys is so addictive, I'm itching to make more. God knows what I'm doing with the finished ones though. Would love to make a rainbow one for a friends baby being born in August, already knitted a rainbow hat for her.

That cake looks amazing 5hell! Gx for ovulation and lots of shagging

Thanks for the pattern Fluffy, I was looking for a summer sewing project - think I could be making a lot of sock animals, they are adorable!

Super easy to do One, I'm not much of a sew-er (um, how do you spell that without it saying sewer, like drains?) and I find it easy to do!

I'm actually pretty upset at the moment. I'm just pretty annoyed with DH, he just will not initiate sex. And I have had the same conversation with him about it over and over again, so I just don't see the point in bringing it up anymore. But with all the TTC stuff, it seems to really have brought it all the surface. I'm always initiating it, which I have been doing fine during my fertile times, because it's reached the point where if I didn't make the effort we wouldn't have sex. Like.. ever. So anytime outside of peak fertile time, we don't have sex, and with my irregular cycles, we could be completely missing the mark if I have it wrong. We have been married 9 months, what's this honeymoon period people talk about?

fluffy are you married to my dh? you could so easily have been talking about him!