There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

feathered yay for bfn. Did the bleeding look like AF? I only got my BFN when I got my first AF.

Thursday I already told you on grads, congrats!

just I often felt like you on cd1, chin up girl, it will happen for you

kez if you haven't tried already, Alan Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking is really good.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, lots of and for everyone!

All this aspirin talk makes me think if me donating blood actually did the trick (blood thinning and all that?) I think I was about 2dpo or so? Unless you are needlephobic or have a medical condition I would strongly recommend doing it. Even if you don't get a BFP you'll help someone!

fluffy 18dpo? POAS woman!

Carrot POAS this morning.. BFN

I've been squinting so much I think I'm messing up my eyes.
Definitely nothing there right?

Hi bob

fluffy how did you confirm ov?

Didn't confirm 100%, used OPKs and there were 2 days the line was very strong compared. Also had EWCM around about the same time.

Howdy bob
H-mm I don't see anything fluff, but I don't trust my computer.

I went back to it after I posted and I think it is just my squinty eyes, perhaps mixed with a bit too much wishful thinking.

Welcome Bob

Thanks everyone. First time he has been knobish about it, think the stress of house buying is getting to him.

5Hell soft cups usually used for period but other people have used them to self inseminate when miroid has ejaculation issues.

I can't see a line on there fluffy

ah thanks Ill ...you learn something new everyday!

fluff will keep gx for you - with cycles like yours it must be so difficult to know when to poas!

we've still got a good 10 pages to get another BFP, for a gobsmacking 6!...anyone due to POAS? or did you all synchronise cycles without me? ;)

hooray for friday!..i will be making the most of the weekend as have just been informed i'll essentially be doing 2 peoples jobs all next week weekend starts with creation of a mario kart-themed birthday cake outed! followed by pineapple shopping and dog washing (filthy beggars)...oh the glamour!!!

Thanks all. Really hate having such long and irregular cycles, how I long for the days pre-pill where I was like clockwork and only on for 6 days. Hoping this isn't my new normal and it is just taking it's sweet time sorting itself out.

Also having a productive weekend here 5hell. Been off work for a few days so had a lovely few day trips with DH and Ddog. Getting housey stuff done- so pleased with our new over the door shoe rack which is saving us so much space- and resealing the bath aswell as a good tidy up. I think secretly I'm trying to get organised for a baby as we stay in a flat with not the greatest amount of storage, I don't want it all piling up if when baby comes along. Big hooyah for being far too prepared?

fluffy I can't hooya u. I bought a 5bed house

Lil, I would too if I could! DH could have his playstation room, I could have my craft room, a beautiful guest bedroom and a room for Ddog. It would be bliss Don't know if we would ever DTD though, we would be roaming room to room trying to find each other.

lol fluffy. unfortunately 2roims are our offices as we both wfh. the 5th room is a loft conversion so is going to be more of a storage room and then the other 2 were supposed to be our room and babies room. I was pg when we sold our house and saw this one so its a little bitter sweet atm. hoping to be pg again before my due date though.

No Hooya from me either, Fluffy, I'm a planner too. Can't see owt on the stick though.

I'd love to know when to POAS - I may have to wait until symptoms real ones, not the shitty stabby womble pains I have today. I only have four piss-sticks left after October's shenanigans so need to ration them

Ill - hope DH becomes less stressy and more jizzy

Well day 3 of stopping smoking and I nearly caved earlier. We are out camping tonight and I merely suggested that I will want some - the response I got?
"Well if you had stopped smoking sooner maybe we would have started trying for kids earlier?!" Ouchi-fucking-wah! That hurt. I made him well aware of how much it hurt. He apologised - but it's going to take me w while to forgive that remark. No dtd for him tonight!!

Needless to say I didn't buy any and I am currently laid on the tent floor, staring at a bbq that won't light and puffing on an inhalator.

carrott I have heard that book is brill - if I keep having the cravings I'm getting I may have to give it a try!

I'm going to poas on the 24th, fwiw. I doubt this fred will last another two weeks though, so everyone had better seamlessly vibe the good luck into the next one! You're under orders!

How do you use a cup to self insemjnate? Doesn't a cup catch stuff coming down rather than stuff going up?

Oooo I can't believe I almost forgot to mention. Laid in bed watching TV last night and I suddenly developed a taste like I had been sucking on a 2p coin - very bizarre!

Shit kez that's harsh. I'm all for quitting but that's quite hard going from him. Especially on a camping trip. It's crap crying in communal showers.

auf I was so upset. Luckily he said it while we were at home packing the car, not while camping. there are many things that I could have thrown back at him but I wouldn't do that, it's already a stressful time as it is without us throwing blame at each other!

Mature thinking that. Going to and fro with blame is never conducive to anything much. though accidentally leaving his sleeping bag behind would have helpful, IMO

haha I like ur revenge tactics thinking auf. but yes, very sensible to be the mature one kez. good on you for not caving. just feel proud of yourself and remember that feeling next time you get a craving.