We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Glad to hear you'll be back for a while... It'll be good to spend time with your family and people who couldn't come out to you. You are my hero, you are doing so well!

chat sorry missed your post before, sorry for your sad news

Thanks Honey, I don't feel especially heroic, I'm just muddling through the best I can and counting down the days until we can try again

No need to apologise, Little - it was a couple of weeks ago and I think I only posted on the grads.

I think you're pretty heroic too chat. Passes magnum and G&T

Misread that as magnum of g&t and got excited

Just had a weird dizzy spell going to put the chickens away and ended up grabbing back door and hitting ground. Twisted my ankle and grazed hands, elbow, feet and knees. Feeling really sorry for myself now.

Oh just. I think it's time to put yourself to bed and start again tomorrow

No don't go to bed yet I just finished work and sprinting towards the corner with the magnum of gin in my sights!

chat you are amazing and minichat sounds incredible. love ains idea, super lovely way to explain it to her.

Oh no Just! That's rubbish! Agree, bed time for you, maybe heat back on your bumps!

Gosh you lot've been chatty since I left work!!

stoat u are entitled to be as sad angry bitter and teary as u like...better not to hold it in i think. Chin up n keep JSing when u feel like it, it will happen fir u too. Do u have friends IRL with exp of mc u can talk to?

chat I'm glad you think that my idea may be helpful. I think it's good that you are trying to be completely honest with DD. It's a hard option to go for, but in my opinion ultimately would be less confusing for her than a sugar coated version. At 3 she is going to be aware of what is going on, but as you say will need to learn to develop a filter on what she says.

I spend a lot of time with (and talking to) 3 and 4 year olds, but have none of my own. Feel free to take on board or totally ignore anything I say. You know your daughter and what you think/want to say to her as her mum is ultimately what is important.

Does anyone else have crazy AFs? My cycle length is about right, but previous AF was 3 weeks and this one has only been 1 day properly

I'm still figuring mine out little, so no useful info from me sorry.

Mine are either four days, or spotting and three. Without fail. But I have never taken birth control or the like!

My fanjo does what ever the crap she feels like. It's bonkers. Despite many a pep talk me yelling at the damn thing

Hallo viroids! I'm sorry for my absence lately. Various issues making finding time and energy to Internet not easy at present. Will be back in the near future once everything here has blown over. Hope you're all well and that there's been a stack of bfps.

Vaginal pep talks?! LOLOLOLOLOLLL!

just I dreamt you pofrer this morning and got a bfp...please say it was a premonition?!

any more pissers?????

Quiet on here this morning.

Let's hope it's a premonition for tomorrow lil!

I'm back at work having been off sick all week so far. I'd rather be at home today to be honest, but I'd miss a meeting I need to go to. I've got cramps and feeling weepy so obviously the witch is on her way.

I have one friend in RL with experience of miscarriage 5hell that I have spoken to a bit via text and she really is the only person that understands so I am feeling pretty isolated. I thought my sister would be good - it took her over two years to get pregnant and I remember every announcement hitting her hard - but I think her having my nephew has healed her wounds which is wonderful...but it has healed them to the extent that she can't grasp where my head is at. Not that we've been trying long at all...it's just I feel so CHEATED and every month, it gets worse. I'm trying out the miscarriage boards a bit more and seeing my counsellor tomorrow, though think I need something a bit more specialist.

How have you been getting on 5hell?

stoat you poor thing. Iv never had a MC so don't know what you are going through. A few of my friends have had them and then gone onto have babies. I'm sure this will be the case for you and I hope it doesn't take too long. It's ok to feel angry and cheated I think I would feel the same if it happened to me. I hope it's helping to vent on here, it's better than bottling it all up.

The witch arrived this morning after playing hide and seek yesterday so I'm out. Felt a bit disappointed to begin with but it is what's it is so onto the next. and pâté for me

Delurking to send and to chat, stoat and others who need it. I haven't expedience any of these things you're going through, and i don't post much, but i do read and you are all in my thoughts.

Also af is due today and isn't here yet, i caved and got a bfn yesterday so I'm resolutely holding out until at least tomorrow to test. I am starting to get a bit crazy with it though.

Scratch that, I've just had some spotting so looks like I'm out this month.