We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Sorry the witch got you aut

honey after sleeping in a damp patch we have now adopted a sex towel. She has been lovingly selected for her size and snuglyness and has moved to a new home under the bed for easy access

The stabby ovary is still here, will shag again tonight just to be sure. I have no idea when or if I have ovulated throwing it all to chance. How's Xmas pud pud?

country that happens all the time in our house. We have a conversation and then it never changes. Apparently DH uses up all his remembering skills at work.

hugs wine

New fred! Hi everyone.

News from me...almost at the end of AF, long cycles mean i wont ovulate until mid-late June. however DP has decided to quit his job, so instead of constantly being at different ends of the country he will be home with me (unsure if this is a good or bad thing, he doesnt have a new job to go to yet)

Sounds scary sarah, I hope he find something else quickly!

Thanks all! You are luffly.

NFMV - I think I now have 3-4 day periods. This time it was 3 days with some light spotting yesterday. So donned the Cape last night, part of me was thinking there was no point as I don't ice til around the 6th! Poor OH!

wine pm one of us if you need to talk about it. Hugs for you

NFMV bit twingey today. NFMB (breasts!) veiny?! It's too early for symptoms so I think I'm just hot and bothered at the moment!

Lovely title! Hi viroids :)

Love the title.

I missed the filling me the last Fred with loveliness. Just want to add that gI class you viroids as friends and that I love that you are all so supportive. You know when to give a well deserved hooyah but also when a hug is needed.

NFMV: there is no news.

loving the love viroids. glad you like the title. I think we've given the biggest 2 fingers up to those gate threads we could possibly give. we have our viroids, they don't!

nfmv: jizz bomb received, 2nd of cycle, cd12

Namechange. Thanks for commiserations viroids/virgins. I've had masses of coffee to console myself.

Commiserations on the witch. Fucker.

I need to catch up properly but I have a quick question on OPKs and time.

Does it need to be EXACTLY the same time? Tuesday I did it at 2, yesterday at 2.30. I can't hold my wee for an hour and a half. I'll try a bit longer and am out and about so it won't be immediate. I'm not relying on opk just as a loose guide. We DTD last night, need to do at some point today and/or tomorrow.

As far as I can tell Xmas Pud seems to be doing okay thanks pickle, still making me feel pants so that must be a good sign! Scan on Monday so will update then.

Well done to all those getting jizz-bombed!

can't believe your scan in monday pud! that's flown by!!

Your scans come in super quick pud is that 12 weeks already? I bet it's felt like an age I'm so impatient glad Xmas pud is cooking along nicely! Looking forward to news of your scan!

I know, in some ways it has gone so fast and in some very slowly! LMP puts me at 12 and a half weeks on Mon but I think I will be between 10 and 11 weeks. I worked out my conception date as 1 week before IB started so it's not v accurate. I guess I will find out on Monday!

Glad I have one sex towel convert! I will get you all eventually. After all, who wants jizz soaking in to their mattress?! Eeeewwwww!

Love new name Aus. Sorry, Aug now.

DF is round today putting up shelves etc. Bless his heart.

i can back you up on the time going slow pud....i can't believe it's only a week since i got my BFP....a week!!!

Love the title, thanks lil

wine sending more hugs. Sorry things are hard at the moment

just Lol at NFMB!

I've had a shit day today. Travelled all the way into London for a hospital appointment (unrelated to ttc) only to be told there was no record of it. Luckily I had proof in the form of my appointment letter but had to come all the way back home again. So that was a waste of a day and was very stressful. Now I've got to wait for a cancellation.

Here my (I think bfn) from this morning. Will you squint at it for me.

pretzel I can see a line on that but hard to tell if it's got colour. Can you get a frer for tomorrow? How many dpo?

In fact I think it might look pink, this is exciting!

Just read back the Fred filling. Brought a tear to my eye. I luffs you lot

Umm pretz I know this is naughty of me, but isn't there something near the 'a' of 'and' on the leaflet (I 've never used this type, so dont know where the line should be) - feel free to hooyah me for innappropriate encouragement ;)

aug for you

just Thanks for squinting with me. Yes, the one good thing about my London trip is I went past a Superdrug and popped in for some FRERs! I'm 15dpo today, AF was due Sunday as I usually have a short LP.

5hell Thanks for squinting. That's what I thought hmm I can see something but may well be a mark where the dye is supposed to go.

going to check out a new gym tonight...my current one has just got progressively worse since I joined (staff leaving, classes cancelled, facilities scruffy) so going to try going back to a big chain one. Have put a few pounds on this year, so need something to give me motivation to get back on it! Main concern is traffic tho - its halfway between work and home, which could be good, or a traffic disaster as its in a big town!

time is weird this whole year i think jel - sometimes fast (how is it nearly june!?), sometimes super slow (like when waiting for epu appointments!)

pretzel I think I can see something. Do the FRER in the morning and let us know! We could do with a BFP.