We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

My insides feel like they're gonna fall out.
I'd forgotten what a proper period feels like. Idiot

Extra delivery for the Viroids rocking backwards and forwards in the corner. Also providing pate, raw steaks and rum custard.

Just, think of me as your crazy auntie !!!!!!!

Hi Little, sorry to hear you've been through a MC. No shortage of madness here :)

Honey - waste of good jizz, that.

So, viroids, wtf am I meant to say to DD to help her understand that it's OK to talk about TinyChat, but she probably shouldn't blurt it out to strangers on the bus...? Thankfully the language barrier meant the woman today thought I was pregnant...much easier for her to deal with, though my frozen-in-horror expression wasn't perhaps the response she expected. Spent a significant amount of time this evening in tears

Evening viroids - I've been mia for a few days but really nothing to report. The witch is due Fri/Sat I think but have a scan on Friday to check all is ok with my ovaries etc. It may be an internal one which would be a bit rank if the witch has arrived

Sorry to those who have had a bfn

Welcome little biscuit

Oh chat that must have been so tough. It is good for her to talk about it though, although appreciate that situation is not ideal. I have no advice so I'll just chuck some wine your way

Thanks pud but i'm petulantly ignoring your delivery. I don't want pate I want a fucking baby. It's not cunting fair. stamps feet and sticks out bottom lip

Sorry pud

Stamp feet away just. I've been a moody cryey bitch myself!

Oh Chat Must be so difficult for you. I don't really know what to say. It's good that DD can talk about TinyChat. Do I remember rightly that she is 3? How much does she understand about what happened? Would something like 'it's good to talk about TinyChat, but sometimes other people that we don't know don't understand how special he is'. Something that helps her to realise that strangers aren't the best people for her to talk to about him, but that doesn't sound like talking about him is in any way negative... Sorry I can't really be of more help.

Can't be easy chat. I think ains idea is a good one. Bless her though x

Just. Tantrums widely acceptable at this point.

Chat, I was going to suggest similar to Ain. Maybe try telling DD that TinyChat was very special and therefore only friends and family get to talk about him? I can't think of how to phrase well but hopefully you know what I mean. Unmumsnetty hug for you, you are being so brave and strong, tears are okay too.

Sorry thursday, hope you're feeling ok
Welcome little - sorry about your mc . I also had a mc in February

I'm really struggling tonight. We've had another pregnancy announcement. There have been a few since my mc. I am so angry about the fact that I've had a miscarriage. I feel so ROBBED and haven't stopped crying all evening. I shall start a thread in the miscarriage section or somewhere like that maybe.

Massive cross post chat - my dad phoned while I was posting. Lots of love to you xx

just I've said NOT FAIR so many times tonight.

stoat hugs for you

Hugs coming your way Stoat and Chat

Heart really goes out to you Chat. Great that you're little girl is talking about tiny chat - when the pain lessens in time to come, it will be something that she will be aware of and tiny chat won't ever be forgotten. I think Ains idea is lovely.

Welcome Little! Glad I didn't scare you off.

Chat lovely, how horrible for you. Well done for keeping composure on the bus! I really like Ain's suggestion, for the reasons she said.

Can't really explain but had a really good time this afternoon. Really feel like one of my students has made some excellent progress and I'm really proud of her.

Also in the misery corner though regarding TTC! Seeing consultant a week today though so that will be good.

chat my attitude is always who cares if it makes strangers uncomfortable. however if its making you uncomfortable that's different. how about talking about tinychat as an angel/in heaven, maybe the strangers won't necessarily understand she is talking about a sibling and assume children's story or something and that may be easier for you? you are definitely entitled to tears. I can't imagine how you are coping xx

Good thinking batman Ain. I need you lot, my brain is cotton wool at the moment. Yes, she's three. I may have underestimated her understanding - wouldn't be the first time - she doesn't miss a trick. Her exact words were, 'Mummy had a baby in her tummy, but now he's died so he didn't come home'. In slow-motion. Twice, because the poor woman didn't hear/understand the first time.

I'll join the petulant foot-stampers in the corner. May even try some of that wine, I've got to get the taste for it again soon!

Glad it's been a good day, Honey

Oh bless her chat it does sound like she understands. Such a clever little girl.

Thanks for all the welcomes. Sorry to hear you've had a mc too stoat

Christ Chat, that must have been awful. Your DD sounds like a very bright little thing, though sometimes it would help if they were a bit duller around the edges I think.
I have some good Cornish cider now DH is back - any good to you?

Good evening Viroids. Flowers for everyone who needs them, and I'm quite willing to share this wine you inspired me to go out for (Rioja). I'm afraid the caramel magnum is all gone, but there are some kettle chips (salt and black pepper) remaining. Much perkier now for the wine thanks - even got some laundry on (houseful of guests on Thursday so need to get organised). DH working late so I've got Midsummer Murders on. Not really watching, but I never really find that the point? Welcome little, I am very new too.

I am now watching "Bringing Up Baby" on C5 which is so fascinating.

Chat Minichat is so clever! Not helpful to you now though! Bless her. When are you back in the UK?

I'm of the same mind Thursday!

I don't want to hide the truth from her, or sugar-coat it. She just needs to develop a quick filter on her mouth...we currently get a running commentary on her thoughts, which are fascinating, and often amusing but not necessarily for the whole world to hear. All in time I suppose.

We're back for the funeral next week, Honey, then we have two weddings in two weeks in June/July so we're staying for a week then, and probably another week later in the summer - need to get my 6-week bloods done and then make sure I have an obs appt after the results are back but before he buggers off on holiday.