We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Oh yes and AF due TODAY. No sign of her yet.

Asda for burgers and pissy sticks me thinks.

Thursday I'm the one who snores I can't breathe through my nose very well at all, ever. But as I don't fancy having my nasal passages drilled wider, there's not much I can do.

Heehee yes honey I'm not blameless either

Ooh Thursday, gx!!

Ain what CD are you on? (In no way planning to fuel the crazy...)

ain coffee...coffee is how you will cope with 3.5hrs sleep!
hour record was great - DH especially loved it, I maybe a little deaf and hoarse from all the screaming though.

not enjoying being back at work after 4 days off :(
plus appear to have done nothing but put on weight in last couple of months - trousers tight this morning :(
i suppose at least it is sunny :)

Morning viroids. I had to call in sick today, horrible stomach bug and feeling generally awful.

Af not here yet but another bfn this morning says she's on her way!

Morning Viroids. No real NFMV - day 30. Another if you squint very hard in a bright light there might be a line sort of morning. DH couldn't see it, though. (But then he didn't have his glasses on.) There was something there, but I wonder if it's just where a line would be. Probably AF today, 30 days is usually the very longest, and I am definitely not wondering about with a piece of kitchen roll in my dressing gown pocket for checking purposes, oh no. GX everyone else.

Hope you feel better soon, Just, that sounds rotten.

Penny post a picture of your pissy stick, we love a squinter!!

Yeah let's have a look at it penny

Yeah when I posted my squinter everyone was like "that's a bfp you nob" so it's definitely worth a second (third, fourth) opinion

Here goes! I've wrestled with the technology (it's a bit grotty as I'd slung in in the bin,) and I think it's slightly more visible now than it was after the alloted time so could very well be an evaporation line or some such thing, and I have used the clarity filter so you can see it better (for full disclosure..). It's a Boots one. Squint away

I see a line but blue dye tests are notoriously unreliable. Time to get a frer!

What's s frer please, and I will find one asap?

Ah, First Response Early Result. Will get one this afternoon!

First response early response. Go to boots as they are buy one get one free. I can see something but second the need for a frer!

Or early result rather!

Ooh make sure you get it right Just, Lil gets cross when people get it wrong! I can see a line! FRER, FRER! (I am at home and EXTREMELY bored btw)

And also my future response to squinter is going to be 'that's a bfp you nob' courtesy of Pretzel ha ha!

wine jump him tonight, hopefully it wont be too late

I agree, better test needed pen but it's a definite maybe (especially compared to all the "is this a line?" on Glow! most of them dont even look like an evap/crease/shadow...literally nothing! then you find out they're not even LATE!)

lil glad you are making progress, small steps.

I'm jealous of your run Thursday, my new trainers are still unworn in the box...

penny welcome! I can see a line (will we have another kitten? ), but agree you need a better test - Superdrug are good, I think it's £4.89 for a double pack (is it sad I actually remember the price?)

Thank you viroids, you are a lovely bunch. DP actually brought up the TTC subject and declared we need to shag more... So at least we are on the same page now (I did remind him turning down my advances too).

I feel crap today, I think I've caught DS's cold. I hope it doesn't turn into another chest infection

Honey its on Wednesday. So can't start shagging till Friday which is cd12. DH has been warned that he has to do ed as we are starting later. Apparently the antibiotics they gave me are also used to treat the plague - this does not help the lack of confidence about this.

Ain sorry you are not feeling well, coffee is definitely in order.

illiria I was advised not to ttc the whole of my hsg cycle

Well I can't quite believe it - AF still not reared her ugly head. My hopes are getting up in spite of myself. Even DH said 'it's exciting' when I told him.

I bought push sticks in Asda today (then fucking busted my tyre on the way home waaaaaaah).

Is there any truth in pissing in the morning is better?

Obviously I meant pissy sticks,

I shudder to think what push sticks might be

thursday urine will be more concentrated in the morning but you could hold it for a bit. Gx for you