We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Five, I understand your worry. My 'period' whilst pregnant was so heavy that I thought it was my actual period at one point and moved onto wine! (I did not know I was upduffed at this point!) I think you are right to see your GP though, even if just to put your mind at rest. And the really painful cramps are unfortunately part and parcel of early pregnancy. Ouchy though!!

Try not to worry five

Nothing going on in my vagina, also on pantwatch. Accidentally fell asleep for three hours though and have woken up all disorientated after weird dreams!

Sock happy birthday!

lil that's a positive beginning. . Doing things one step at a time.

Five try not to worry. As others have said spotting and bleeding in early pregnancy is pretty common. I totally understand you worrying though. Hopefully everything is okay and the doctor can put your mind at rest.

I have cramps again. I wonder if it could be a side effect of the metformin? I've been on the metformin for 8 months now though, would be a bit strange for all this cramping to suddenly be caused by that wouldn't it?

Ain I sometimes find a combination of fatty foods and metformin upsets my stomach. So I might get cramps after having fish and chips etc. my dad finds this as well and he's been on metformin for about 7 years.

anyone else fed up of seeing that fucking picture of princess Charlotte and prince George!

Yes! Poor lad, doesn't look all that casual and relaxed. Also... Stop shoving babies in my face!

Coldfeet that could possibly be it? I've never made a link before. Maybe I should pay more attention.. I had cramps this morning after a buffet at a birthday party last night so it was all snacky things I was eating...

Lil those pictures are incredibly cute, but I do get a pang of jealousy when I see it... same as when I see pictures of any baby/toddler recently... am I bad person?

Today my mood has been all over the place. Started off in an okay mood. My dog quickly annoyed me this morning despite that he was reacting to something the way I expected him to. Later on in the day I got really teary and upset because I went to visit my nan and grandad and I forgot the jam I had bought them from a homemade jam stall this morning...

Grrr. Stupid moods.

Omg. I ran ten miles this evening.
I am a broken woman.
Send biscuits.

Omg thursday you deserve a medal? 10 miles?!? I can't run 10 steps with my energy levels.

Thanks jelly.
I have a race in a fortnight so hopefully I'll get a t shirt if not a medal!

Makes symptom spotting all the harder when you feel like shit from that much exercise!

Well ladies, long story short, I got sent to hospital today. Short version is I'm fine and everything is well (for this moment), just need to take it easy. They did bloods which confirmed early pregnancy and have an appointment at EPU next week. So I'm going to go say hello on the grads fred. Before I do, I want to say thank you to you wonderful viroids. I keep saying it but I just think you're all so special ((hugs)).

Make a note of when you get cramps ain (gut, not af) and jot down what you have eaten in the previous 24hrs. I read somewhere that you're supposed to avoid high fat and high sugar foods when you first start taking metformin, but I find some foods will still upset me now. Especially if I have a few days in a row of bad food.

I empathise with your mood swings as well ain - mine were quite bad last time we were ttc. Either crying my eyes out over nothing, or wanting to scream my head off over nothing!! Haven't been too bad so far, but only off pill for 7.5 weeks. I am taking evening primrose oil - not sure if that is helping with the moods

Well done on your epic run Thursday - hope you'll have a nice soak in a hot bath now

Congratulations five - please make sure you take it easy and rest up.

Good news five!

Ten bloody miles *Thursday!? All of the biscuits for you! And there I was being proud of myself for having a showering today - never thought I would be jealous of my Grandma's shower stool ha ha!

oh five! well at least you know for sire there is a bean in there! take it easy lovely.

Thursday you are insane!

Go thurs !! and i thought I'd done well doing 6k thismorning!

Buzzing and tired after spending evening in a sweaty velodrome watching wiggo smash the record great end to a great superlong weekend

Rest up five no runs or cycles for u this week

Evening. I am knackered. I even drove to the top of the hill rather than walking up with the family, then drive down again, and I am still regretting doing "too much". Gah.

Thursday you are mental!

Five good news!

Ain weird cramps! I had dodgy cramps this morning too. Bowel related. Had eaten... Oatibix, milk, raisins, tea, hot chocolate. Will pay careful attention to what I've eaten next time I get them too. I used to get terrible " intestinal distress" but its not been too bad lately.

That is all. Goodnight.

My cramps are low down, like bit below my belly button, and mostly a dull achey pain.

five good news. Hope you're okay.

Thursday you are crazy! Haha. Well done. How long did it take you? I thought I did well with managing a couple of 90 second spurts on the treadmill! Haha.

5hell how was it? I watched the last 20 min on the TV.

I am tired, but can't fall asleep. too much going through my head.

Did just work out though that anyone that gets pregnant soonish (depending on cycle length, etc) could possibly have a due date of Feb 29th...

No shag, what a waste of ewcm. Well and truly pied. Thing is, he turned me down last cycle at a crucial point too so I spent it wondering if it's because we didn't dtd when we should have. If I don't get caught this cycle ill be thinking the same again won't I.

I'm still awake.

Though I have just read that there is a grad baby. massive congrats to before

Five glad you have confirmed and hope appointment goes ok.

Yay to Before

Had a lovely weekend with DH watching all three extended lord of the rings films, he has jet lag still otherwise we normally do them all in one day. Duvet day on the sofa. been told I can't js as I had hoped this month as for the hsg they need to be sure I haven't ovd, have to do opks form day 7 :-(

Morning!

Ill when is your hsg?

DH has gone and slept downstairs. I guess he was too hot or something. We have a sofa bed so he was probably OK. Weird sleeping in our bed without him!

Eurgh.

I've been awake since just after 5 with cramping and slight nausea and heartburn after not getting to sleep until half 1ish.

Put this mornings temp into ff and apparently around about now is when implantation would happen if the app got my ovulation date correct. this is not fuelling the crazy, not at all

How am I going to survive my day with only 3 and a half hours sleep?

honey I actually enjoy the odd night where DH is away or falls asleep on the sofa.. I take the opportunity to sleep right in the middle of the bed, and occasionally starfish.

Morning, thanks everyone - I don't make a habit of running that far. I'm technically in training such as it is.

Sorry you ended up in hospital five, but glad to hear you got some confirmation

honey I love when one of us ends up in the spare room, loads of room and no snoring - married less than two months and romance is dead already!

Today we are meeting friends on the beach and having a BBQ for lunch. But first...Asda...