We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

ain symptom spotting for icing is ok but any other 4dpo spotting duly hooyahed!

Quick question; how often do your partners initiate a stag?

I have just tried to initiate one and do fell asleep......wway to make a girl feel good about herself.......

Not stag......shag! !!

Ha ha stag! My dp initiates a shag loads, but he is a randy bugger! If he's at all tired/unwell etc then he goes right off it and will turn me down.
Please tell me you weren't in full seduction mode when he fell asleep! Poor you. He's prob just tired. Sure it's not a reflection on you. Does he initiate usually?

No not full seduction mode. Lol. it was gone 12:30 (though we've had a quiet day in garden and done bog all) so I would say he's tired. He needs more sleep than I do.
He prefers morning sex but we have a 2 yr old so that doesn't happen often. Monday-fridays are a no no as he leaves for work about 5!
He does initiate, but not as much as I'd like......told him recently that he doesn't pounce on me anymore.....nnot sure he knew what I meant!!

Ain Good luck! A lot has changed in terms of unit admin so make sure you make the most of training opportunities.

Wine don't worry too much. I got preg on normal lube. We used conceive plus for a while since but don't use anything now.

I don't know what DH would do if I farted on his leg! Divorce me, I reckon.

It's seems to be always me initiating the shags! I'd say 1/5 times it's him, but more often than not it's me. He prefers morning sex, and I prefer night-time.

Five congrats on the BFP !

I got a call back from Clearblue about that trial yesterday and yes you have to store 2 weeks worth of pee at a time in your fridge before taking it to the post office to be sent away! You get £50 worth of vouchers, only if you fall pregnant (doesn't that seem a little unfair for those who still have to go through the pee storing and are unlucky?!). So I politely declined. I'll try out my cheapy ovulation tests from ebay.

Dreamt last night I POAS and it was positive (funnily the first thing I went to do was post it on here to show you lovelies!). Woke up with such a disappointment...

Oh bless you fluffy

I'd say our ratio is about the same 1/5 of the time it's dh. Problem is he often initiates it when I'm not really in the mood (too tired, not fully awake etc)

DH has initiated a shag once during the whole time we have been ttc freakin ages makes me feel really great about myself

Oh black cat

Well he initiated a shag this morning once he woke up......morning sex reigns again lol.
we're back at work on Monday though. Back to seeing each other for about 5mins in afternoon, and anything from 0-90 mins when I get in from work. Hence we have just declared Tuesday and Thursday nights as shag nights. ........how romantic!!

just no, babywine was with nothing. I had a lot of damage having him so I've needed it since. Looks like I shall order some preseed!

black bless you

fluffy it's so harsh isn't it. I declined too

Surely that clearblue trial is unethical how horrible.

WTF belly they only pay you if you get upduffed? That can't be ethical research?! I had a missed call from them yesterday but got no answer when I rang back. Not sure I'll bother now.

What is it a trial for? Poas?
I feel like they need to work on their incentives...

NFMV - there is no news. No pmt symptoms, but no weird queasiness like yesterday. Parkrun wasn't especially difficult. Hmmmmmmmmmm

Clearblue should give the non upduffed a voucher, the others have got a baby!

NFMV- nothing going on. Still got horrible cramps but not got any sign of period yet.

thursday and just are we cycle buddies and due to POAS and get a BFP this weekend?

Totally put off clear blue by that piece on info. Oh yeah thanks for storing wee in the fridge for two weeks but your not upduffed so no prize for you! Rude!

I'm due tomorrow. Are you going to poas tomorrow?

They had said if you are not successful, then you get a ovulation product from them. Yaay , unless it's that £90 quid monitor thing I linked to the other day with enough of the refills to last for a while! Then it may be a good consolation prize ;) but I'd much rather have the £50 vouchers and stick to cheapies.

Did a bit of research and they give you ovulation sticks but not even the dual ones which are what you use for the trial! Sounds like they have a job lot of the old ones going off!

Monday for me just and pickle gx for you both!

I'd much rather have £50 vouchers. And even then I'd complain it's not enough for facing urine everytime I wanted a dairylea dunker!

hi alp. sorry I've been mia since my post the other night. for those who were asking I'm a chartered accountant running my own practice. hopefully about to become a chartered tax advisor next month when I get my exam result.
feeling a bit better about the work stuff. I do use lists a lot! have crossed off a fair few this week so although its still long its progress.

sock sorry to hear your news about pcos. hopefully now you can turn the knowledge into power though.

ain I've been having mini meringues with Greek yoghurt and fruit after dinner. the meringue may be bad but only 52cals, and Greek yoghurt is very high protein.

five that is confusing but a line is a line! I had a totally solid line on a cheap opk before I got a decent line on an ic with my bfp. sounds like the person who told you that you hadn't ovulated didn't know squat! congrats!

oh and cbfm is worth the money if you find cheap opks difficult to interpret or would prefer fmu testing (I've never held my urine to do opks and always get a positive when I get my LH surge). the other benefit of the monitor is that it tells you your high days before your surge. I wouldn't recommend for long cycles though as I got highs for about 10days and got fed up of poas as soon as I got up for 3weeks of my cycle! (long cycles). but if anyone wants one I'm willing to sell mine. only used it for about 4 cycles and no bodily fluids actually touch the monitor.

How are you feeling today five?
Gx for tomorrow pickle and just!

Hello everyone, been trying for a good 18 months, this was the first month I used the CBFM. No peak, but highs. Felt as though I ovulated though, and AF is due today. Desperate to POAS - not sure how I'll manage to wait till tomorrow!

Don't feel PMTish, and no warning cramps yet, telling myself none of usual bloating...