We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I had hoped there would be reviews on the boots website about it. Surely I'm missing something.
BlackCat what do you think of it?

It worked for me in that my cycles were fucked up after miscarriage and I was able to work out when I was ovulating. Used it for 4/5 months, last couple haven't as cycles are more consistent now. Bloody expensive but I like a gadget and the fact I didn't have to stare at lines, it took away the guess work.

Look for it on amazon - there will be plenty of reviews, I of course read all the ones saying people got upduffed on first cycle - sadly hasn't worked that way for me

country mega arse rain. Feel like my ovaries are exploding too. Sadly arse rain often comes before af. Nothing too personal on here surely?!

I agree that it's not worth the money.

Right, windows are sash and I have a total on 18cm of plastic around the pane. So as long as I centre the blind, it will cover the actual window. And I will just never draw the curtains the whole way back.

Speaking of curtains, just ironed and chopped one. Will hem it and do the other tomorrow. Using the off-cuts to make pillow covers to replace current ones.

Then need to mount tv on wall, buy IKEA kallax unit, then put 2x4 rods on wall same distance apart as cabinet is wide, and bring plasterboard or MDF round TV like a big false wall panel thing. Which we will then paint, to match new curtains.

And then... We are officially done decorating. Oh, apart from needing to finish painting the kitchen, and putting sealant round window will and hob etc.

sigh ... One day!

Country - I told the GP I had irregular periods for >6 months, so technically it's an investigation for that rather than fertility IYSWIM. He knows I'm TTC and I know I can't have formal fertility investigations until at least 12 months (possibly longer) but was happy to investigate for this on its own. Not quite sure what will happen next if I have to go to see a gynae or anything though, whether I'll have to wait for that or what.

Honey you're right, that is a silver lining, and at least I can research and know what treatment options there are. Thanks to all of you for the support.

Cat, some of those amazon reviews are pretty tempting aren't they? Had you also tried the cheapy ovulation tests?

Thanks sock. How varied have your cycles been?

just mega arse rain pains? Had these myself a couple of months ago

sock I have pcos. I can't claim to know everything about it by a long shot, but I'm here if you want to talk. I'm currently trying to lose weight to help with the pcos symptoms and to increase my fertility as much as possible too.

I have an appointment coming up at the end of June with a gynecological specialist. Need to plan what I want to ask for before I go. Have a little time to think about it yet though.

I have had lots of energy today. Used it positively and went to the gym. And booked myself in for aqua zumba tomorrow evening. I used to go every week but stopped around Christmas and never got back in to it. Reality check of needing to lose weight to help with fertility has really hit me this month.

I have pcos sock - diagnosed about 8 years ago now so have done a lot of research to date - any questions feel free to ask me on here or pm me.
btw I have 1 dd already. I fell pregnant with her after 6 months of trying. I had been taking metformin for the 2.5 months before I conceived. Gp prescribed it for me. No waiting for consultant appointments.
oh and a low gi / low sugar diet is best for pcos (a lot of women with pcos have insulin resistance. Some Dr's say it's the insulin resistance that causes the pcos.......)
Feel better soon. Try and binge on nuts instead of chocolate and other sweet stuff

Coldfeet I am struggling with a low sugar diet at the min. Mainly issues with snacking. I need better snacking ideas. I often get cravings for sweet sugary things and though I do try to resist it doesn't always work.. (nuts are a no for me unfortunately). It's fruit and fruit flavoured things that are the worst for me...!

NFMV is that DH has turned me down for a shag a few nights in a row now... I know he's tired (short staffed at work, he's doing 3 people's jobs) so trying to be understanding, but I could do with a shag...

NFMV: jizz received. This months shagathon complete, can go by DHs timings for rest of month.

Country since coming off the pill, it's been 63-45-24-50-103-30. So pretty random!

Lovely to hear from other viroids with the same thing thank you. And Ain I know what you mean about the reality check - it's really hit me the last couple of weeks too. That and I'm going on holiday to Rio in September so have to be able to wear something not too hideous on the beach!

I find it hard too ain - I'm starting a new diet on Monday that is low sugar (apart from natural sugars in fruit and veg). Will be writing a meal plan over the weekend. I fully expect the first few days to be hell and that I'll be craving sugar, but hope I'll soon get used to it. If I find anything that helps / works for me ill share on here.
I know how you feel about DH turning you down - normally DH and I barely see each other Monday - Friday. He works days, I work evenings. He's often asleep before I can try and start anything lol.

Ooh more food talk!

Ain, low sugar snacks: toasted wholemeal pitta and houmous. Water biscuits, a scraping of cream cheese (garlic and herb) plus smoked salmon. Celery/carrot sticks and houmous/other healthy ish dip. Nuts and seed (possibly with some dried fruit/dark choc chips. Full fat yogurt and fruit. Mmmmm.

belly not tried the cheapo ones, I drink a lot (not wine - honest) so liked the clear blue ones cos they were with fmu, would struggle to hold piss for cheapo ones and didn't want to poas at work

I don't rate the cbfm. I found it always missed my peaks which stresses me out because I thought I wasn't icing. I find temping much more accurate for telling you if you have iced. Fact is people on the reviews say the cbfm enabled them to get pg straight away but those people were probs shagging once or twice a cycle on their days they thought the were icing. I was shagging every fucking day and still wasn't pg so it was no use at all.

I would always advocate a thermometer for mouth or foof temping tbh.

How is everyone? :) I miss shagging!

Ain you would be far better off stopping snacking altogether, healthy or not. It's an unnecessary part of your diet, and hinders weight loss. Every time you eat your insulin levels rise, putting your body in fat storage mode. To give your body a chance to lose weight you need big gaps between meals. So 2-3 big meals are better for weight loss than 5-6 smaller ones.

I know it's easier said than done as I'm a snacker myself. But it's worth the effort. If you really fancy some fruit, have it at the end of your meal as a pudding, not in between.

Sorry that's not supposed to sound like a lecture

NFMV: it's confused...

CB opks went from negative yesterday with a peak today, no high in between. But my temp hasn't spiked, in fact it's lower (although I did have the windows open all night) so I have no idea what's going on down there. Last dtd on wed and will shag again tonight.

Definitely shag wine, the month my friend got pg she had the same thing so it doesn't matter. It must have missed your estrogen surge.

Ladies I need your advice. I's CD9 and had a really light and short period (one heavy day) at the end of the last cycle and a 21 day test that said I didn't ovulate (not official results). AF was so wierd I POAS in the middle (BFN). I've had slight brown spotting bit before period and everyday since. End of AF I started CB again - CD7 negative, CD8 high and today peak - I've never had a peak on CD9, more like CD13-15. So confused I POAS this morning after opk result and got this. Both me and DH saw two lines, DH before he know what the test was for - what do you see? And if you see it, how can that be? I'm so confused and sure there must be a problem. I'm now googling what health issues false positives show...

Don't know about anyone else but I reckon you're up the ruddy duff!

sounds confusing five but i can see something on that stick

if you think there's a chance the confusing opks etc could actually be because your pg (i.e. you've shagged) then go get yourself a frer or other sensitive test, and test again

i guess we all occasionally have odd cycles, I can't recall if your cycles are normally reliable. i guess it's either one odd cycle, or you're possibly upduffed?! gx

Well I can see something! If that came up within the time frame I would say you are upduffed! Go get a frer or a superdrug test and test again.

Country I can't bare to think that's right in case it's wrong.
5hell my cycles are very regular but normally between 20-23 days - LP is 8/9 days. Had positive opk every month for last six/seven months and always between cd13-15. And last cycle we had the best timed shags yet. The 21 day bloods last cycle were 7dpo but like two days before the dodgy AF as I have short cycles - unofficially nurse told me I hadn't ovulated at next 2-4 day test. And I totally POAS this morning as I've read that weirdly timed positive opk pick up on similar things to pregnancy tests and I've NEVER had a peak this early. There was definately a line and it showed within the time. So if I go by the one before the last AF I'm 17po or CD9 if last one was a real AF. I can't deal with these emotions right now and I'm at work trying not to act mental! DH is very angry with me for pissing as he doesn't want me getting my hopes up. Saying that I'll buy a FRER after work.
And sorry, but I've not read back to catch up with the news so hope everyone is okay.