We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

just I'm only CD13, normally seem to ice about CD15. I'm just going to keep jumping on OH I think!

five I personally would do a frer. Sounds ridiculously confusing though!

Would it is indeed ridiculously confusing...

ladies need you help, do you remember i said over a week ago that DH would get a bollocking at work as he sent the wrong product to the wrong place and it resulted in a disciplinary. Well he has had that meeting today at 9am - well hes been sacked, i am at work sat here very numb.

What help are we entitled to???? does anybody know benefits info at all????

Hi Radley sorry to hear about your hubby. He should be entitled to contribution based job seekers allowance for 6 Months. After that his job seekers will be based on your income, ie unless your on a low income you'd be expected to support him. You might be entitled to some help with rent/mortgage as soon as he starts receiving the job seekers allowance but they will take your wages into consideration for that. But they should assess him for all benefits when he applies. He needs to go to direct.gov website and jobcentre will call back with appointment.

What is his usual job? I ask as dh is a hgv driver and in our area there is always temp work available. I think it would be worth him finding out what agencies specialise in his area and registering with them.
good luck!!!

cold thanks, he works in warehouse, using fork trucks etc.

i only work 3 days per wk so that no ware covers all bills.

my hands are starting to shake at work. not told who i work with

Radley he needs to get his butt to the job centre today. They're actually really helpful and nice to people who genuinely want another job. They'll talk you through what you're entitled to. Then he needs to register with several agencies to get him back into work.

It's shit and very upsetting but now is the time to pull your kick ass face on and get on with fixing the problem. You two can do it!

Radley does he have any grounds for unfair dismissal? Or is that something he'd rather not pursue. As others have said, definitely get down to the job centre pronto, they'll be able to advise about JSA and finding agencies etc. If you're only PT, might be worth asking at CAB if there are any other benefits you might be entitled to? Good luck to you both!

radley sorry to hear that. We had a similar situation a couple of years ago, dp got fired two months after we bought our house. The other's advice is spot on. Job centre today, register with agencies today too. Get him to apply for temporary stuff that is nothing to do with his field, tescos/bar work/labouring etc.
My advice to you would be to get your game face on. He needs you to be pushing him to get it sorted, try not to get angry with him or allow him to sink into a depression. By all means shout at him when he's got things sorted but we got through our situation by me pushing my dp to get things done, I wanted to punch him sometimes! Keep a cool head, vent on here! I won't lie, we had a shit few months but everything is great now. Hugs for you.

five rooting for you

wine you go girl!

If you're only part time you should be eligible for more than just job seekers allowance for hubby.

He needs to find an agency that specialises in warehouse/iindustrial jobs. If he has a fork lift licence (tthat isn't in house only, just for use with previous employer) then that should give him more options than a general warehouseman.
If he needs to update his skills, ie up to date forklift or manual handling etc then the job centre should help with this.

Thanks all, it's not unfair dismissal as last year had a warning about sending wrong product that was due to expire in 8 days time company is just shit to work for only care about bottom line not the people their a lot of employees are polish and the like

Been to job centre and got to do it online now.

Radley I'm so sorry to hear that. Don't suppose he is in a union? Sound like he may not be. I think the other ladies are right, you need to get on this quickly. He should get JSA for first sixth months as others have said, more if you are part time but other benefits will depend on income. There are a few good sites where you can complete forms and they will tell you what you are entitled to, but I think talking to CAB in person might be more supportive. These might help though:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/benefits-introduction/what-benefits-can-i-get/
www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators
Good luck today, it is a great shock but people manage and get through it. I will be thinking of you this morning.
And thank you Just.

Totally outing myself here - I'm a benefits advisor. Feel free to PM me :)

Thanks wine may take you up on the offer. Still filling in form online!!!! Once that done we wait for a phone call then he has an appointment with them.

Keep looking at my fence it needs painting!!!

Five thank you for thinking about us. We will get by mortgage, cards, loan, bills will magically get sorted I'm sure.

Awww Radley, I'm sorry if that came across as flippant. I know how stressful it is as my DH had a long period of time without work. Cards we wacked onto minimum payments, loans we negotatiated a little break but we rented and didn't have a mortgage to worry about - rent though was and still is scandalous. My cousin had the same thing and managed to negotiate a payment plan with a company that meant he kept his house. However that is jumping far ahead. It is an awful shock although I remember my DH getting down rather than putting all his energy into finding other work so it was harder than it needed to be. The other ladies are right, get your game face on, stay on top of him and push it through. There is help available e.g. housing benefit and tax credits are all options that might be available for you both. And take Would up on that offer lovely...

Ahhh five I did not think you were being flipant at all if anything that was me. When I said thanks for the support I truly meant it stupid for typing and not realising how it would come across

Sooo no sign of af yet

Five poafrer but as you are 17dpo, obviously you are preggo.

Bradley sorry to hear that lovely. Sounds like the viroids are on it though! Love this thread.

Country what CD are you on?

Af is due today I'm 12 dpo. There's time yet but I actually kind of feel fantastic? Weird. She'll probably roll on later... Bitch

Radley with the day you are having today, last thing you need to worry about how anything is coming across

Honey I'm 17dpo IF that wasn't a proper AF or CD9 if it was. The confusing is I was told by a nurse I didn't ovulate last cycle. I actually don't know what the fuck is going on and feel a bit of a numpty about it in case I'm getting my hopes up just to be crushed in a couple of days. Nevertheless I am going to get a FRER after work and see what that says.

Ooh ooh country any plans for poas?

May buy a frer on the way home and piss tomorrow morn if she doesnt get me. Temp was down this morn though. Threw my IC s in the bin days ago to keep the crazies away.

Oh Radley what a worry. Lots of great advice here, and we're all here to listen to your vents when you need them.

I felt so queasy driving into town this morning. Obviously not symptom spotting, oh no not me. Luckily I went to Aldi which doesn't have any pissy sticks so able to resist temptation

AF due Monday.

What a day radley and for u and dh. Sounds like there's lots of good advice and help here for u. Gx he finds something good soon.

I smell another bfp on the horizon!! :)

Ov microscope was full of ferning this morning so will jump dh later...only prob is this is first time I've used it in ages so have no comparison or seen pattern of change oh well fingers crossed!

5hell that is total dedication to the cause of ov.

Enjoy the donning of the cape!