We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I'm afraid Christmas pud should always be served with ice cream!

Good to see you tink!

Hi tink delighted to be someone's inspiration :)
Q1 - No seal-up or dry up noticed, though tbh (TMI) DH decided he wanted to make me come before we started shagging
Q2 - no tears thankfully

ICE CREAM?! Noooooooo, that's just weird. Although my grandad does make Christmas pudding icecream which is pretty good. How he manages to get something with that much alcohol in to freeze amazes me every year.

Dare I ask the context of that convo pretzel?

Noooo it's yummy! It's the hot and cold thing mmmm. Pudding ice cream also sounds amazing though- I would love that right now!

You lot are killing me! My favourite Christmas pud has cider in it! Where can I buy Christmas pud tomorrow. I must eat some!!

Why have I never had rum custard?! Sounds delicious. Totally going to try Xmas pud ice cream too!

Oooh just room for me? I LOVE xmas pud (with icecream!)
congrats on new jobs!

No more work for me this week...get in!! fist pump

More the merrier 5hell! Enjoy your time off

Ooh Country I need the recipe for the cider Xmas Pud, sounds amazeballs.

just we were discussing when I last changed my bedsheets and I said I'm surprised those ones haven't wandered off cause it's been a while and we were also ttc! I've changed them now. I promise I'm not a minger really

Custard all the way!

There's a chap that does the rounds at the Christmas markets. Georgie porgies puddings. He's also does a orange liqueur one

pretzel

viroids I'm having a bit of a moment. I feel like a total failure at everything. I can't cope with the amount of work I have even though I'm working all hours and only taking home about 2/3rds of what my previous salary was, I'm fed up of being childless but at the same time have no idea how I'd cope with a child. my house hasn't been cleaned since I moved in 3weeks ago (have just cleaned the bathroom and done the washing up that dh hadn't bothered to do and picked the dry washing off the clothes horses from Saturday). I need to deal with getting the decorating/renovation organised which I want to be excited about but it all falls on me to make the decisions. I just don't feel like I have any enjoyment out of life atm. I'm either working, nagging or working. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained as much as I try to ignore it and push through, which I do quite well, but I'm getting to the point I don't know what to do. should I fold my successful business and get a job again? I'm worried I'm still going to be this stressed out when our ivf starts too, so wondeeing if I should put the ivf off until I get a grip on the work. but at the sane time I can't bear the thought of waiting longer for what I feel should already be mine. I can't face talking to my pg friend because I dread her bringing up her pg. I feel like she's stolen something that's mine. which I know is stupid but I would only have been a few weeks behind her and now she's postong bump pictures on fb and buying little dresses and things. dh has no idea how to help. he tries but he is but a man! I feel so alone. I have one friend who had a mc and then got divorced and is now marrying someone who doesn't want kids. she's the only RL friend who would understand but she wouldn't be able to help so I don't want to put my problems on her when she's going through her own shit. I just feel numb. I'm not even crying I'm just numb.

Lil you're doing great. You've been faced with some extremely stressful situations - ttc, MC, buying new house, moving, running own business.

I think you're amazing xx

Just the red are peas, the big black are runner beans, and small black are broad beans. Faaaar left is courgettes, big green is potatoes and black next to green is Brussels. Carrots, parsnips, butternut squash, beetroot etc all to go out soon.

Chat hi! Good to see you!

Lil I don't know what to say, except don't you dare postpone IVF, you'll never forgive yourself. Are you still taking on new clients? I don't think you should quit SE, but maybe scale it back asap so you still get quality of life. I guess it depends on your clients though... Would you have to ask them to leave? Lastly, go visit your Dad so we can go for coffee and you can have a big hug.

thanks la. add exam to the list too! lol

honey I would if I had time!! I just don't know what to do. I think I'm going to have to stop taking on new work but I worry about my earnings, and the only way to increase then is to take on new work! I've just started paying my mum £3k a year too so now have to knock that off my own income.

dh is fast asleep beside me. I want to kick him, fucking bastard. its all his fault for not pleasing me well enough in bed! if we'd DTD tonight like we were supposed to and I'd had more than a half assed orgasm I'd be fine!

just checked ff, cd18 and we've DTD 3 times. its going to take us years to christen all the rooms in this new house!

lil big hugs it's all a twatting nightmare at times isn't it Controversially, I'd suggest thinking about postponing ivf. When is your next round? Only because I'm a firm believer in feeling tip top if you're going to go through something so invasive and potentially heartbreaking. To do it you need to be at your best, also the cost is so huge you want to make sure you're 100% ready for it so you don't have to save up and wait to try again. You're still very young and healthy, you have it all in front of you. Putting pressure on yourself won't help. Leave the bloody dishes for a few days and go roller skating you're never alone x

lil I think you're amazing, you're coping with so much at the moment. Are you getting any counselling with the ivf process? If you're feeling numb it might be worth talking to someone.

Have a lil. It will all be ok.
work is just work, just a job at the end of the day, and many people can cope with less money, dont let it ruin u.
I think many of us have been through a period like this when it feels like everything is a bit agsinst u, and u have more on ur plate than most!

You, dh and ur offspring-to-be are #1 everything else can wait xx

Thanks for all the welcome backs ladies

Lil you need to choose between money and stress. I chose to go SE, I am going to be working 3hrs a week soon but it is worth it for the huge increase in my physical and mental health. The most hours I have worked since April last year is 16hrs p/w. OK, no holidays, money was a bit tight, but we're OK, and I am so much more relaxed. Of course you have to do what's best for you, but it doesn't sound like the current level of work is good for you.

Hello tink waves

lil you are like freaking superwoman, I would be more concerned if you didn't feel anything with the upcoming IVF too. I can't advise on anything as I can see both sides to the argument, but I just wanted to say I totally understand with the friend. I'm having the same with my best friend who was about 2 weeks ahead.
I hope you are okay

I actually came on for advice. Had my first ghost jizz where the feck did it go?! and was too scared to move. Was going to ask what to do but then I sneezed. Never mind

Aww lil you sounds like you need a break. Can you book a holiday or anything? Just a short break away somewhere? Big hugs to you, you're an incredibley tolerant and strong person.