We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Saw this and thought of you lovely lot!!!!

Lil, I would suggest getting a cleaner even just as a one off – that sorts your house out. With regards to decorating and such forth – make lists of what you want to do room by room. You can then tackle one list at a time. Set DH some jobs to do – you can’t do everything.

With work, maybe don’t take on any new clients for 2 or 3 months –by the way what do you do?? If you don’t mind me asking--

With IVF, only you can decide to postpone or not, but I do think you have to be emotionally strong enough to cope with it you are I’m sure of it, this is just a blip

Hope you’re feeling better soon, x

Wine

wine

wine I just spat out my tea

lil you are doing too much darling. There is no way anyone could remain calm and relaxed with all the things you have on your plate right now. Something's got to give and you have to prioritise the things you want to do first. I agree with radley give DH a list and ask him to help you out as you can't do everything. My DH is totally rubbish around the house as he just doesn't see the mess. I have to ask him to do things and then he will do them (in his own time but we get there). for you, you are working so hard you need to think about you. Xxx

Hi tink, hi chat nice to see you both

Just wondering, those who definitely don't use the clear blue dual opks, how many cycles does a box last you? I still want to use them take sure I actually do ice, but wondered if I can make them stretch to 3

Welcome back Chat and Tink!

lil I agree with others, you are doing too much so are feeling overwhelmed. It will not always be like this

I don't know what you do, but have you always had so much work? I might be wrong, but it looks like a recent thing? What has changed? Is is a backlog from house move? If it is, you'll get through this. As others said, give your DH a list. House redecoration can probably wait till you have a bit more head space. [hugs]

NFMV: AF has arrived. Very angry at myself for pissing early (tbf I'm normally so good, I'm allowed a moment of madness...) but actually relieved. I'm starting to realise how stressful it would be if I get pg without a job still... So will try to focus on this now.

lil I agree with the others, make some lists and give one to dh. Def a cleaner, mine has changed my life. You need to give yourself a break. Hugs for you.

wine
carrot for you!

I've got the worst cramps. I usually get a bit of mild cramping before af but this is nothing like it. They are quite painful and frequent. So much so I'm considering going home early from work.

Lil hugs. I haven't got anything any more constructive than what the other viroids have already said. You are such a help to us all on here, I'm sure that I can speak for everyone when I say any one of us would do what we could to help you in a heartbeat. Try to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective if you can.

Work - are you earning enough to get by at the moment? If you are, don't take on new clients just yet. (What is it you do aw the way? I feel I should know.. I know you are SE...). The 3k you pay your mum, is that something you owe her or is it for any work she is doing to help you out? (I'm not expecting you to answer finance questions, just things to think about).

House - is there anything that 'desperately' needs to be done? Are the rooms liveable? We've barely done any of our house and we've lived here just over a year. We are doing bits here and there, and have plans on when to do some major things (like completely doing the bathroom next year) but the house is livable as it is so not stressing too much... can you do something similar? Is that feasible? As for general tidying up get DH to share the workload. My DH is pretty rubbish at seeing mess, but if I ask him he'll pick up some of the jobs around the house (like picklethistle said..)

IVF - you need to do it when you're ready. It's quite a toll mentally and physically. You need to be in tip top condition for it to have the best chances of being successful.

Many for you.

wine

Aw Carrot . She's a bitch that one.

Lil I really feel for you. You have such a lot going on. If you can afford to, then stop taking new work for a bit - or pay a cleaner. We had one in the UK, only once a fortnight but it meant I knew I could have a week of nights and not worry that the toilet would hum by the end of it... Does your DH help with the housework? Maybe a chores or shag dice is what he needs??

Met my consultant again this morning, still no answers but some theories and a few things ruled out. It's a waiting game but he's said he's happy to meet me whenever I want to talk, rather than waiting until eight weeks have passed as is usual. Got some beautiful pictures that the hospital photographer took too. Only downside is that I need some more bloods at six weeks, and can't shouldn't get back on the wagon until those results are in. Back on the frolic though, so I'm ready...

Wine

chat your consultant sounds great. Glad you are being looked after.

I've come home and gone to bed. I don't know how anyone copes with painful periods every month. I'm only just realising how lucky I am normally, bloody hope this isn't going to become a regular occurrence

By the way honey only just seen your garden pic! Very organised! Puts mine to shame!

had a wonder around the shops in my lunch break and went into £1 shop saw ov sticks, pack of 5 for £5 and 2 pack of strip pg test for £1 so how are you lovely lot on this sunny day i totally did not tell you anything at all

Lil - sorry you are feeling down. I am obsessed with lists so if that will help definitely do that. My dh usually doesn't realise how much I have going on until I show him a master list and then it usually kicks him up the butt to help.

Would - my current pack of 20 has lasted 4 cycles. I start on cd9 and usually ov by 14 or 15. I doubted they were going to be for me but have really liked taking the guess work out, use cheepies to releve the urge to poas now.

Chat - glad they have been treating you well.

DH is back today, pick up my prep mess for hsg on Friday, which includes antibiotics that apparently are strong enough to cure the plague!?! Also witch may have left after only 3 days.

Mess = meds

chat glad your consultant is looking after you.

in my last post it looks like i said 5 for £5 - it was at the bloody £1 shop so should have said £1!!!!! but i didn't say anything honest!!

just want to say that I have been reading and you ladies are amazing - feel like a bit of a fraud as I'm not on here with specific support like some of you do daily for each other.
I do read though and reading the posts is such a positive part of my day - especially the ranty/disappointed ones that are followed by messages of emotional and practical support.
So for all viroids...

oh and in NFMV I thought I'd missed my ov time this month then yesterday I had ewcm so I jumped on DP to get some jazz just in case i was ovulating yesterday...!!

chat nice to hear you've got a good consultant there :)

viroids you all need lots of wine me thinks :)

Chat your consultant sounds brilliant, you should keep him for sure!

Thanks Just! Just moved the courgette so they get a bit more light, and ordered some more pots, as I need to plant more out but don't have any pots big enough. So got more of the 10L ones, one plant to go in each so should be big enough.

So, NFMV is that EWCM has definitely fucked off, so I must have iced on CD 12, 2 days early. Will shag again today, 0+2, but we did O-2, O-1 and O so hopefully should cover it! So AF due in 10 days time, June 14th. Just in time to ruin my trip to Cheltenham Food Festival. Booooo!

Of course, I could get a BFP , but think I'll just pack painkillers and drugs.

jel did u brave a shag? Or us dp still bursting? ;)

So enjoying a day off...vets, moochy shop, pub lunch, sunshine and now going to start a new craft project

Hope u feel better asap just

just think fanjo is retaliating to you being in a strop with her ! Hope it eases up

5hell what are you planning?

Nope not braved a shag yet, gonna wait till the early scan before shagging I think