We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

not yet given in to opk temptation stoat so no expert, but if i were you i'd use them as a guide i.e to know rough day range of icing, but not get too hooked on to one day. so if you've had a few jizz bombs (how romantic) around the ov period, then you've prob done well, and only need to go again if you want to/fancy it ...just my theory anyhoo
gx

With Clear Blue we shag every other day on flashy smiles but don't get stressed if we can't be bothered. Some cycles though I've had 5/6 of high days others only one day. Last cycle was a normal one but didn't ovulation, no idea about those many many cycles prior but I'm suspecting not. Fixed smiles and we're at it like rabbits. I've got a load I bought on special offer and when they're gone I'm getting IC. Not sure the flashy smiles are worth money.

Same as above, EOD on flashers and like rabbits for fixed and I went for three days after first one as I convinced myself I wasn't ovulating til later.

I don't know about the depression being hormonal, I think it's more what stoat said for me.

Feel like crap so I've gone to bed in a grump.

NFMV still wet as an otters pocket!

Just popping in to say that Country you are actual favourite and that you make me snort my orange juice out of my nose on a regular basis laughing at your posts!

Keep shagging Viroids and congrats Mae!

Thanks all. As I said, we did manage a lot with the flashy smiles but only once the day of the fixed one but I can't help the fact that the first day of the fixed one I was at a hen do, and I got on the first train back so could have sex soon as possible! It's yesterday I really dropped the ball not doing it but I was feeling so fed up. To be fair though, when I did conceive before, that was only an EOD effort. I'll try and be better next month but I've still got a night away with work around when I anticipate ovulation depending on my cycle, I might have to smuggle DH with me.

I like the simplicity of smiles and for me they are worth the money. It's a shame you can't keep testing with them after the fixed smile though. Bought mine on offer too. We managed 4 times in 6 days. Like I say though I'm trying not to get too wound up this month. I had sex when I really didn't want to this month on one occasion and I found it really upsetting that my sex life has been so spoiled by the miscarriage.

takes a bow I'm here all week,month or year. Who bloody knows! glares at vagina

Thanks pud is it the rants or the filth? Hope crimbo pud is baking well!

Congrats mae totally not jealous of you getting a bfp on 1st cycle with just 2 shags great news

CD19 here and No NFMV, in the waiting phase of just waiting, it goes so slow, so so s-l-o-w

stoat I found using the cbfm a bit stressful with high and peak days, not fully trusting it, worried about shag timing. It did help get an idea of ovulation date, so I've stopped using it now and just shag every other day for a week or so. This month we managed CD10, 13, 14, 16 - roughly iced on 14 I think. I too got upduffed through EOD shagging so just trying to relax and go with that.

In other news I just popped out for a run and ended up doing over 6 miles, knackered now but feeling smug

Congrats Mae!

This week is crazy busy for me, trying to get loads of paperwork sorted for my appraisal, doing a long day extra shift tomorrow, choir practice tonight, trying to fit some revision in... And one of DH's old friends invited herself round last night so we had to entertain her rather than getting on with all this stuff! Got a bit drunk and had a nice meal, so not all bad, but could have done with the free time.

It's my ultrasound on Thursday, which has actually come round a lot quicker than I was expecting.

I'm weeping at Harry potter - what the actual fuck

Congratulations mae!!!!!!

5hell it was this thread that started off the whole reading about (and then talking on here about) loo brushes.

Congrats Mae Good to see you back, but pop in to the grads when you're ready!

Just about to go pick DH up from the train station - aren't I a good wifey? totally put my comfy PJ's on when got in from work though, just going to go out in them. I am so sexy!

Eurgh. I am having trouble with my back door! Not a euphemism for anything. Feel like I have to state this with you viroids, dirty lot. :-P

Basically, I normally use the back door of my house as car is parked at the back of the property. The back door has had its issues, but now is worse than ever. It's one of those sliding patio doors, only it doesn't slide properly. The door that slides keeps coming off of the rails. Today it's come off twice, and it's getting harder and harder to put it back on. I think we need a new door asap. But how does one go about getting a new back door? It's never been something I've needed to consider before...

Ain google! Any glazing company really, see if there's a good one local to you.

So, you know that feeling where you don't bother temping or opk -ing because your cycle is so predictable? OF course you do, you're all JSers right?! Anyway, EWCM has gone, nowhere to be seen today. And been crampy as fuck yesterday. Maybe it's hiding deep in my vag.

Woke up last night to jizz dribbling everywhere, very uncomfortable. But fear not, sex towel was in place, so wiped up and rolled over back to sleep!

As daft as this may sound... I looked at Wickes and Homebase... Didn't think to look for a local glazing company, so thanks honey. I'll get Googling!

honey you do make me laugh! I woke up to dribbling jizz too. No sex towel though, damn. I really need to get me one of those!

Ha ha, ain as soon as I read back door I thought "here we go, filthy cow"! So good job clarifying! If you're in south east I know a good glazing firm. Can pm you if you are.

honey thank god for the sex towel! I'll put out a missing ad for your ewcm try doing a poo, that will weed it out

See, now you all regret laughing at NY sex towel, don't you? Only mugs get wet patches on their sheets!

So, managed to find a smidge of ewcm after an exploratory adventure in to my vagina. How exciting.

In the interests of full disclosure I never get dribbling jizz apart from just after. It def lingers around smelling all jizzy.

I'm really crampy but still positively dripping in watery cm, normally dry as an old sandwich by this point. Stupid vagina being all weird and getting my hopes up for probably no reason

Sounds like a low budget tv show "adventures into honey's vagina"

Hurrah for ewcm! ^pops party poppers and pumps fist for honey

just I am in the south east actually... My nearest big landmark though is Heathrow Airport. Is that anywhere near your part of the south east?

Ooh interesting stuff Just raises hopes even further

ain guy I know is in Sussex so probably too far. Sorry!

pud I don't even think it's a sign is it? Just fanjo weirdness. How is Xmas pud? Hope you're not drenching it in brandy as I do with mine!

Yea... Probably a bit far just. Have found a company on Check-A-Trade that have a rating of 9.7 out of 10 with 567 reviews... Just dropped them a message to see about getting a quote. More things to pay out for... Owning a house is expensive! Damn being a grown up.

Just when is AF due?

Ah! I did spy thst thread earlier ain and wondered if it had been the initiator of toilet-gate :)

also got just's cycles on my mind!

To shag or not to shag, that is the qn!

5hell the answer is nearly always shag.