We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Yes pictures please Ain!

Yeah it might be because my screen is right near the window but I can't make it out there.

I don't think so Five I can't see it on the pics either. And in real life I could barely see anything. I think I was making it up to try and make myself feel a bit better! At best was an evap, and at worst I was making it up altogether.

It's madness I tell ya! Madness!

Monkey if your progesterone is low then you can take it in tablet form, don't worry. (Easier said than done, I know!)

five fingers crossed she was mistaken, or it's just borderline, or something...it's impossible I know, but try not to worry until you have all the results and get to talk them all through with the dr

It's very windy today.

Cramps got much stronger and getting back pain too. AF should park up at the driveway tonight.

At the same time I can smell the clothes in the washing machine a few feet away with the door firmly shut. Also for some reason they smell like DS's poopy nappy (no poopy clothes in there!)

Ain I must admit I can't see anything... But then I don't on half these sticks If you don't mind another bfn you could poas in a couple days again to see if your evap materialises into something? totally not fueling the crazy

Haha. Carrot I really don't think it was anything. Other than me going a bit crazy.

I would like this being ill thing to lead in to either a BFP or AF though. I would willingly take either right now.

I am feeling much more human this afternoon and have said I'll be back in work tomorrow. I still have a faint headache (possibly a little dehydrated still) but other than that I'm much better. Geez this morning I was a mess though. A crying, vomiting, snotty mess. Such a lovely way to describe myself, I am so attractive!

Tell me about it honey...oh wait you mean the wind outside [wink{

ain glad you're feeling better. I can't see anything but that doesn't mean it won't turn into something!

five no advice to offer but the other viroids are right, try not to worry. hugs for you

carrot sounds promising!

Need a hooyah viroids. Just ate some chocolate buttons and they tasted really weird, kind of minty. Anyway I've convinced myself it's a symptom. Stop the crazy please!

I can't he'll you just I've reached a new level of crazy

I'll throw out a few cautionary hooyah's to you all :)

five first of all don't panic. a bad result doesn't mean you aren't ovulating. forget day21, was it 7dpo? if you had a 30day cycle and a short lp the on day21 you may have only just ovulated so reading would be low.
if its that you aren't ovulating I think clomid for 6cylces is usual format treatment. if you are ovulating but have low progesterone I imagine you will be given progesterone pessaries (pessaries preferred to tablets usually as it is more direct/like natural intake). I'd try and arrange a telephone consultation with the Dr to find out what it is and get then to start the referral process. check the website if your local clinic or the hfea website for referral tines. my gp said it was 2years in our area but clinic said they take referrals after a year so go in with all the info. regardless an indication of fertility issues should mean you get the referral. push for referral whilst having second test done if they insist on second test.

ain glad you're feeling better

Anyone else ever get a feeling like there's a bubble of air in throat? Any ideas what it is? Driving me mad!

Thanks ladies. Based on what Lil said I guess I'll hope for a Clomid prescription and/or push for a referral. Nurse definately said I wasn't ovulating, rest I saw on screen. But yes, calmed down now and will try to worrying less
As a woman that POAS during AF cos it was so light, a hypocritical hooyah from me Just!

Hooyahs taken in all forms

crafty viroids - I think we've had this discussion before... But... Sewing machines. Looking at actually getting one this time (DH is gonna buy it for my birthday).

Currently looking at this Brother one

I only want a basic machine that is easy to use... The last time I used an actual sewing machine was like 12 years ago. It will only be used for random little craft projects and occasionally shortening trousers and things (I'm a short arse) so doesn't need to be overly complicated.

Any thoughts?

or this one

I have this one

Is it good honey? I think I'm going to ask DH for the first one I posted. It's cheap compared to some, but not so cheap I'd be worried about it falling apart as soon as I took it out the box. And pretty much all the reviews say it's good for beginners and easy to use - good for me!

Yes Ain, nice and smooth and very quiet.

We saw Pitch Perfect 2 this weekend. It's pretty darn good!

Evening all, very tame chat for you lot! I reeeeeally want a sewing machine - I'm thinking of making nursery bedding for the next one if/when as I know I won't be able to find the theme I want

I spent way too much of my day reading about loo brushes...

I want to see Pitch Perfect 2 honey.

if we're talking sewing machines - I bought this basic one last year - finding it really easy to use (am a complete beginner) - was about £90 or £100 from John Lewis