We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Ugh viroids I feel so rough. Today has not been a good day.

Will catch up properly tomorrow.

Would know how you feel, DH went to the UK this week and one of his mates asked if we were trying and said it will probably happen really quickly as we must have conceived 3 days after she had the implant out. Husband nearly thumped him apparently. First time DH has said the comments are getting to him.

Seems like we are all busy this weekend, good I suppose to keep our minds of TTC.

Also had to give parents biology lesson today as they didn't realise you could get pregnant with twins if you released two eggs, asked them how they supposed having a boy and a girl twin happened.

Thanks ladies I totally won't be buying preseed now. Asked DH and he said he 'was willing to try anything'. He may be a div but I love him.
Comments are getting to us too. For us it's when will we try again and that they hope we won't let DC be dum dum dum... an only child. One woman at work spent five minutes hovering saying how she'd spent her life regretting just having one. This was said in front on my friend who's struggled for years to conceive her first. Don't know who wanted to punch the offender more.

Okay. Feeling worse, if that's possible, today. Been sick several times in the night, and this morning I can't even keep water down...

ain hope you're feeling better today?

thighs and biceps in agony but i kinda like it!

No lube here so cant help ponders getting some

Eugh five!! I know we've prob all inadvertently said something innapropriate, but seriously to say that to 2 women of childbearing age!?!? Engage brain before speaking!

Oh ain u poor thing...try tiny sips of whatever u fancy/can bear to keep hydrated. Hope u can rest xx

ain hope you get better soon

five we use Concieveplus (bit cheaper than preseed) but I suffer from a dry fanjo so it helped :) however we used it for about 8 cycles

Preseed! Got upduffed first month using it

Morning viroids!
Ain you poor thing, I hope you're starting to feel better now.

We sometimes use the lube, sometimes not. I don't actually need it as much now I'm not on the pill - those hormones shrivelled me right up

How old is your DC five? People occasionally enquire as to whether we're having more, but usually I tell them my (long winded and filled with bad luck) birth story and that shuts them up .
I think in general people just don't think - Talking about TTC and all its issues and fun bits is still rather a taboo isn't it?

Anyways, I'm down to a one week wait. I deffo don't feel pregnant.

Oh no Ain

Honey I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but I know it's the bfp you need. And a baby at the end of it, obviously. So virtual [hugs] for you

Oh no Ain, pregnancy sickness tummy bug?

five your friend wanted to punch her more than you did, trust me!

ain that's shit. hope its only a 24hour thing

5hell I'm not going to ask about the aches but yay as you seem pleased with them!

attempt 3 at starting the diet this week!

Dh and I have managed some "quality time" on Saturday and Sunday. If I have a regular 28 day cycle then I'm due to ovulate on Wednesday and Thursday. will try to keep up every day/ every other day snagging until signs of AF(my cycle last month, first after coming off pill, was about 35 days........was about 60 when ttc last time!!)

Ain I hope you feel better soon. Sips of lemonade normally help me when I have a tummy bug.

ain get well soon

ain get well soon

Oooops

Ain I hope you feel better soon
Lil you are of course no doubt right. Although I will admit much of the heat I felt in the moment was because I knew my friend was stood next to me and I knew how she would feel (well I don't, but she's my friend so you know what I mean).
And absolutely 5hell and Thursday, it amazes me how people you barely know feel it's acceptable to talk about really personal stuff! At the same time I haven't told people we are trying never mind how long for, I guess it's not really their fault. I certainly never really thought about this stuff until I knew people that were struggling and now we are struggling outselves.
Right, I am supposed to be working but have just ordered preseed (ordered before I read Jelly's cheaper alternative) and a babymad thermometer. My fanjo isn't dry but I've read too many reviews from ladies that tried it and conceived to not give it ago - yes I know, that isn't a very scientific way of making decisions but...!

Oh ain that sounds awful.
In NFMUterus, we finally decided to bleed properly. Lots of black bits which is a bit freaky IMO and the rest normal bright red stuff so either the colour/texture of my fanny smoothie is a result of the progesterone or else it was a chemical. I don't really care. I'm feeling remarkably cheerful considering I'm back on cd1 mainly because it is a bleed rather than this spotting business from the last few day or else I'm in denial
Love long and prosper viroids!

Thank you for all the kind words and concerns this morning viroids.

I have just woken up! I called in sick this morning, something I very rarely do. Felt guilty enough as it is but got a 'suppose I'll have to find cover for you' on the phone which made me feel even more guilty. From someone who is normally nice, but I guess first day back after the holidays is not a good time to have to find cover...

Anyway, been asleep all morning after that. Feeling a little better, though still feeling a bit sick and headachey. Sipping my water. cold feet I find sipping lemonade helps too.. I have some downstairs. Thank you for reminding me.

NFMV - despite being all meh I managed to get a jizzbomb last night that DH initiated. Wasn't going to turn that down. I did actually do a test this morning (cd32) carrot tut tut for fuelling the crazy, haha, but I had already thought (hoped) it could be some sort of pregnancy sickness and it was bfn. Just looked at it now and can see something on it but I think it's just an evap. After all I took it at like 6 this morning...

Ladies, sorry me again. I'm hoping one of you might be able to help. Just been for day 2-4 bloods over lunch. Had 21 day test a while ago but could never get appointment at right time for 2-4 day. Anyway nurse let the 21 day results slip and the screen said progestrone not compatable or something with ovulation. I wasn't supposed to know as GP wouldn't talk to us until I had both tests plus DH jizz results. I know it's good to know what the problem is but she wouldn't then tell me my options as she realised she shouldn't have said anything. And can't see GP for ages. Haven't spoken to anyone as I'm just sat back at my desk. It's was just a bit out of the blue and I wasn't prepared for that. Can any if you wise viroids tell me what to expect before I turn to Dr Google? Is my best hope Clomid? Or just keep shagging in the hope I actually ice at some point (had short LP since period after breastfeeding). Least that explains the short LP but it seems buying the preseed was a bit pointless .

Me? Fueling the crazy? Never

I'm glad you feel a bit better Ain, don't feel guilty and go back to bed.

Fivemonkeys how long has your period been back after bf? I had a short LP for a few months but then it corrected itself on its own.

Still mild cramps here, can't believe I got to this point not caring at all and now examining every twinge! Argh!

Carrot AF came back iust over a year ago when I went back to work and stopped breast feeding as reguarly. After first dodgy period they have been 20-23 days every cycle and a couple that were 15 days. First few cycles we just shagged when I had EWCM and since then starting pissing on sticks. I've had positive OPKs every cycle so figured that wasn't the issue. Least now I can attest to the truth that a surge doesn't equal ovulation. Why oh why did I only decide to start temping this cycle! Just thinking that I'm sure I read somewhere you have to have two bloods with no ovulation before they think about referrals or prescriptions. Urgh, now I appreciated why the GP wanted to wait to discuss it properly.

Ain what colour is your evap?

Oh ok. Mine were 20-23 days initially too. But then went to about 26 days, give or take as before. It looks like yours have just stuck there. I would hope they wouldn't request another test considering you've been trying for a year without any success, but I'm no expert. I hope you can get some answers soon

Ain we want a picture of your pissy stick please!

Managed to eat some lunch! Yay! just some toast and then a couple of biscuits (naughty I know) with a cup of tea. Totally not 'low carb' but it seems to have lined my stomach and I feel loads better.

Let me get a picture of the pissy stick...

Definitely a bfn. Can't even get the evap to show on the picture! Ha!