O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

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Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!

I know it's waaaaay too early to poas but I really want to just for fun feeling left out of the poas clubHave to wait till New Year's Day and it seems aaaages away!

I could poas on Christmas day but i will be on CD8. Too soon?

I ordered some better opk sticks but they won't get here until after i ice! Disaster! Am going to beg some off a friend.

Hey gals, I haven't read through yet - sitting in front of computer for long time makes me feel a bit sick...uggg...

rneg welcome! So sorry for your loss. I got upduffed on my wtf cycle after mc in Sept. Gx for you doll x

muddy wtf? Your dh made that!!!? That's awesome!

How is the shagging going? Anyone twotting just now? There hasn't been a bfp for a while, perhaps we need to inject some luck into this Fred?

Here, for your viewing pleasure - and to bring you all a bit of shagging luck - is a little video we call

Big hugs to all my JSing viroids - cheering you on with my massive boobs pom poms!

honey definitely too soon - save your sticks!

Haha honey have you even iced this cycle yet???

How ethical is it to shag when you are spotting would you say? AF has finished but still spotting a tiny bit. Should I jump DP?

Do it jelly!

Name: Beaver
Age: 29
TTC: since June 14
DC: none, just a black cat and mad ginger dog

Have only had one AF since coming off pill in June and have had blood tests and am booked in for a scan in Jan.

Aww thanks Leela yeh he spent over 6hours on it and was pretty chuffed.

I've just got back from seeing a friends newborn. Feeling all fuzzy inside with hearts in my eyes.

Aww muddy it's lovely eh. I spent all today with my 9 month old godson. He's so mobile it's hilarious. Had me in fits!

Hi beaver :) are you new?

Guys guys, it was a joke!

Welcome beaver!

I went to uni with a girl we called Beaver. I forget why. Lovely lass. She has a cute as a button 7 month old.

First shag of the cycle done. Living room floor.

Going to see the Hobbit tomorrow. Looking forward to it!

I'm sorry, what is this shagging of which you speak? it's been about 7 weeks!

Lil I'll see your 7 and raise you 9 - not since bfp! Too tired/sore/worried

We have a new grads baby

la but you're pg, its expected!

Yeah, about 11 weeks here. Poor guy! He's only just started talking about it though. told him I would look at it if he likes, or rub it with a tea towel (which is from a telly programme!) but he decided against it!

I just missed last bin day before new year. Bugger!

Oo who? I'm going to go lurk and congratulate!

DP has really pissed me off this morning. So as you all know, we are getting married next year. I've always assumed that if we got pg we would still go ahead with the wedding next year etc.

However, DP said today that if we got pg we would have to have a quick ceremony so we were married when the baby was born, and just celebrate next year without the marriage ceremony.

It's really annoyed me, and he's not given me a reason for wanting to other than his "principles". But he's not overly religious (he's never been to church in the 6 years we have been together)!

Am I being out of order here not wanting to have a quick ceremony if we get upduffed before 2016?

Wow Dulcet thank you so much for the reminder. Saw your message and leaped down the stairs and practically threw myself at the bin men who were just about to drive out of our road! Sorry you missed yours, that's a pain.

That's not fair Jelly. Frankly, if he has no problem shagging you before marriage then it is massively hypocritical of him, seeing as how pregnancy is a risk of shagging.

A friend of mine did not sleep with her husband for at least 8 months after baby was born. Not sure about during preg but i can't imagine there was much.

Damn think I just missed bin day

wow Lil 7 weeks?? That's a lot! Is that because of the IVF?

I didn't jump DP in the end last night, and now I'm too annoyed to contemplate shagging! Also got an expected Low on my first day of the CBAFM.

That's absolutely not fair jelly, as if you getting pregnant suddenly means you don't deserve the wedding you want. Put your foot down on that plan straight away!

Glad I could help muddy. I peered out the bathroom windows to see them rolling down the street so wasn't much chasing I could do!

New Fred (late to the party, Christmas travelling fail) - welcome newbies!

Name: Chat
Age: 33
TTC: Jan 14
MC March 14 and Aug 14
DC: DD 3.4 (am I three and a half now mummy? Maybe tomorrow, or in a couple of weeks?) and 14w today! with DC2 - currently the size of a lemon. Inanimate object suggestions welcome, I reckon it's quite a sizable lemon at 5 inches from top to tail. Still sick, but looking a little bumpy now.

Ain I loved the Cologne markets this year, especially the proper mugs for the mulled wine (may still have a few of those in my cupboard). Lovely place :)

Ooh Jelly that is a bit hypocritical. If that's his stance then he should really be abstaining until the wedding day or moving it forwards to sometime very soon... I insisted we were married before TTC (and some! - it was five years before DD arrived) but we were both in agreement about it. Both quite traditional in that sense - and I was on depo with no AF for five years to there was little hope of conceiving anyways. Had we have had an unexpected pregnancy we just would have had a beautiful flower girl. Would have been a financial disaster, but we would have coped! Good luck ironing that one out.

Well he just messaged me to say that he is willing to put aside his "principles" because he wants a family more than a marriage!

Urgh sometimes I don't understand men! I don't want to be the one who always gets my own way, but we both agreed from the start that we wanted a family (marriage has never been important for me).

Also I meant to say we are getting married year after next (so 2016 not 2015). But yeah, he's agreed with me now (at the end of the day I don't care if people frown upon us having a baby out of wedlock, a baby is a baby).

Chat I can't believe you are so far along, it's gone so fast! You too la. Time is literally flying by. Before you know it your gorgeous babies will be here (and everyone on this Fred will be upduffed and looking forward to their own babies arriving!).

How generous of him.

Feeling sucky today. I would have been having my 20 week scan this week so feeling quite sad. Just as well it's Christmas and I can get drunk as fuck should I chose to!

Just made my list of what I need to take. Packed the presents in to a bag, going to have lunch and then pack the wine! Its all wedding left over, but I did buy it, so still feel like its a contribution. Then pack clothes etc and stockings. Can't open my stocking in public. DH has purchased me a buzzy friend so that will be staying out of sight.

Lastly I need to prep the Brussels and carrots. Just made my cranberry sauce so that is cooling on the stove. Then package and in to the fridge ready for a cool bag tomorrow morning and road trip to Casa del Bro. So excited about seeing my little neices and everyone.

Also, my opks arrived! About 7 days sooner than amazon said they would so all pleased. Just need to remember to pack them and my ROC!