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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

999 replies

Purplecircle · 21/12/2014 09:43

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 09:06

oh don't jelly i have the last episode of season 1 waiting for me and it's so tempting to go and curl up on my sisters sofa!!

Been here since 7am as DH is working on their house they're doing up this week and he's dropped me off on the way! I did make some grumbling noises about office workers shouldn't have to start that early but got ignored and bundled into the car lol!! I personally think he's making me suffer as i have been given a free ticket to the football later and he is being left home alone lol! x

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 09:07

well said dulcet If you've got to have arse rain anywhere the posh toilets have to win right?!

Sorry you're suffering ga

honeysucklejasmine · 22/12/2014 09:13

Oh no! Clench Ga, clench!

Jelly you have to message me when you have seen them! Enjoy!

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 12:02

i'm in a mood! not only does my body now ache (mainly boobs) from the day of ice til AF, it has now decided to continue to ache, so what should be my 1 week in a cycle of feeling remotely normal isn't happening! this is me sulking! lol bloody bodies!!! gggrrrrrrrrrr

honeybeebumble · 22/12/2014 12:04

Name: Bumble
Age: 29
TTC: Since April 2014

Hello new thread! Here's to lots of BFPs.

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 12:19

ok lovelies, cheer me up - who's next to poas?

gaggiagirl · 22/12/2014 12:55

pooch I could rain on a stick!

Yeah who's gonna poas? Anyone?

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 12:59

hahaha! love it ga well ok, don't love it but you know what i mean!

gaggiagirl · 22/12/2014 12:59

Oh and don't give me sympathy, I have a hangover hence the arse rain, its self inflicted. Plus I was eating garlic bread at stupid o clock last night. Cue garlicky drunk shag.

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 13:19

oh dear - ok consider all sympathy retracted! lol!

honeybeebumble · 22/12/2014 13:21

I don't think I'll be POAS this time round as Dr said it looks like I had an anovulatory cycle. (That having been said, my BBT has now risen... after I had the blood test...) AF (or whatever it is) due sometime within the next week or so.

purple I think boob ache is a good sign (as annoying as it is) - at least it means things are happening!

jellypi3 · 22/12/2014 13:24

oOo Honey just finished.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, was so so good! Can't wait for Season 3 :D

I saw a fred the other day on MN where people were saying they were happy they weren't upduffed at the moment because they didn't want an August baby, and it got me thinking, I literally have no care in the slightest what time of year by baby would be born! My DP was born in August, and he's the smartest person I have ever met!

Ainat266 · 22/12/2014 13:44

Honey we went to Germany to go to the Christmas markets. We managed to visit all 7 markets in Cologne in 2 days. Grin Was great fun. but I am exhausted!!! So of course I got up at 6am this morning and have been shopping twice today...

I am now curled up on my sofa in my PJs and dressing gown with pretty much no intention of moving again for the rest of the day! It feels great to be home on a Monday.

Jelly I have no real care about what time of the year my baby would be born either! Birth month certainly isn't the only factor in how a child settles in and achieves at school.

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 13:49

i haven't either, when we 1st discussed ttc DH said he wanted a summer baby, i told him we'd missed the boat for that (his maths is shocking lol) and he just shrugged and said it didn't matter then. the only reason he wanted a summer baby is because between sept and feb we have a lot of birthdays etc not for any school reasons etc. My bestfriend is a month older than me and in August and therefore was the year above me and is soooooo much smarter than i am!!

I made a comment last week about august babies but that was more me just wanting to find reasons and failing miserably to cheer up about AF arriving.

Noniks3 · 22/12/2014 14:59

New Fred...

willywallace · 22/12/2014 15:01

I don't think you need to send them to school at the start of reception if they're that young do you Jelly? We have a better system regarding schooling north of the border, much more flexible. I think it'd be great to have an August birthday in the sun.

Noniks3 · 22/12/2014 15:06

Oooch, Gaggia - I don't believe it's fair for you to have arse rain because of a hangover --although it depends on what you were drinking??

Tink - that is shit the bed, hold the bus, shut the front door fantastic!! Xmas Grin I am truly delighted for you.

I used to think I didn't want to be due July - Sept. Partly due to schooling, being heavily upduffed in summer...now I realise I am a douche & it matters not just gimme a frickin' MFBFP

CD 24 here - hoping witch stays away this week as would like to get back to normal length cycle. DH & I have agreed IF she does there will be POAS on Thursday...however I haven't tracked anything this month, so don't get too excited Viroids.

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 15:10

a christmas day poas!? without getting too excited, that's very exciting! lol

Noniks3 · 22/12/2014 15:15

Don't Pooch - already trying to brace myself for disappointment! - with the last cycle in mind I could come on any time between now & Saturday... Confused But yes...a proper festive POAS if its positive I'll call it Jesus

Rnegray · 22/12/2014 15:19

Name: rneg
Age: 32
TTC: August '14 MC Dec '14

Noniks3 · 22/12/2014 15:19

aaahhh, now on high pant watch alert!!

Poochieblue · 22/12/2014 15:20

Sorry non i will send you every positive vibe i can find and all my G's X'd for you!!

Noniks3 · 22/12/2014 15:45

Welcome Rne, so sorry about your loss. Don't worry about talking about it here - plenty of us can sympathise with you x

belated welcome Moomin too must confess to humming the theme tune...

honeysucklejasmine · 22/12/2014 16:33

Jelly isn't it just fantastic! I lolled so hard at the ending. Well deserved! Did miss Alex though.

Welcome rneg!

I'm going to make cranberry sauce tonight. Then shag loads.

deeplybaffled · 22/12/2014 17:05

I'm on for a festive POAS unless anything changes and am desperately trying not to set myself up for a fall by getting over excited...have to say I'm not feeling over confident!