O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

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Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!

:( big hugs honey and sun sorry to hear about the witch! Have lots of vino and cheese!!

Still no sign of the witch yet in chez Jelly, stabby boobs are weirdly getting less stabby, i'm less bloated, and less crampy. Maybe it's the calm before the storm? I have this feeling like she's coming (and have a dull ache in my abdomen)

No wine for me, proving to DH that I don't have a drinking problem (even though I only normally have a couple of glasses of wine every week or 2). On the plus side means more tummy room for cheese.

Jelly I really hope these are signs of an impending BFP and not the witch.

No cheese for me - diet!

mmmm cheese.
thanks for link honey, will have a look in a bit.

feeling . today. saw my bff this morning. she's pg. I knew they were ttc and I'm obviously really happy for her but its so unfair. they were ttc for 5m of which 3m her dh was away at crucial time. oh and he smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish. life is so fucking unfair. I feel like we're being punished for something. I think I'd have been OK if she hasn't spent 90mins talking about it and not asking a single question about me. she knows about the ivf. so diet out the window, had quiche for lunch and thinking about going out for dinner.

a nice medium/rare lean steak honey? oooohhhh with a runny egg on top! that will be me next week when she comes :-) lol

oh lil that's wanking cock badgers!!! so hard when you know you should be feeling pleased for her but totally understandable and justifiable! definitely go out for dinner. That's a bit crap of her when she knows all about the ivf - the going on about it i mean!

Oh Lil, what a meanie! I'm so sorry.

No, we are having sausage and bean casserole tonight.

Oh Lil, hugs. How insensitive!

Oh Lil that's horrid and yes insensitive to go on about it so much. Good job your bfp is just around the corner and then you can get all excited together! In the meantime dinner sounds like a great option

Sorry to hear you are blue littledottie that's rubbish. You're not being punished... I don't think I will ever fully understand how TTC works, so much 'luck' involved. There isn't always rhyme or reason.

The witch is due to me soon, ovia says 6 days until testing - will see what happens first (Ovia is filthy BTW, it has a message about masturbating on my home page today - rude!). My boobs are still quite painful. Managed a 5k inspite of this but at one point I was running with my arms folded. Comedy.

We are going for curry and drinks tonight, on a Monday! Was supposed to be at the weekend but DH was ill (I have had to make my own tea in a morning - I would LTB but I kinda need him ;) ). Now he wants a curry to clear his cold. Win win for me! He needs his strength at the moment.

Enjoy your cheese sunshine. I went a bit mad on pate this Christmas. Yum.

What a shit day in viroid land. honey pickle boo to that bitch. honey hope you're ok, glad you sound a bit brighter. If you need to vent let it out lass.
Ladies with the upset tums x hope you feel better soon

I had a reasonable day until the lady in front of me on the dual carriage way ran over a cat I stopped and picked it up and the lady behind me knew the area so volunteered to take it to the local vets. It was very poorly though, not holding out any hope really

lil go and enjoy yourself lovely. That must be so hard. There are certain people in my life I dread getting pg. One of which starts ttc this month. No doubt she will be an instadiffer. You are not being punished for anything.

Lil she sounds really thoughtless. You should definitely go out for dinner as a treat, you need cheering up!

tinker I know what you mean, this is the advantage of me being the last to attempt, they've mostly all got kids...one is undergoing IVF again so I REALLY hope she gets a BFP soon. I always thought I'd be jealous of my little sister having one before me but it took her a while and my DN was worth the wait.

Thanks everyone. Beeded to let it out! Fat and full now! Had super food pasta in wherherspoons, aren't I good! Or I was until I finished with carrot cake!

Sat down ready for a night of TV now, dh has just balanced all the remotes (3) on my feet while I'm writing this. I really love him. Wouldn't change any of the shit if it meant I couldn't have him.

:( oh dear lil that doesn't sound nice at all :( big big hugs to you. Some people can just get so caught up in their own worlds they don't think of others :(

tink that sounds horrific. Gx the kitty pulls through. Did the lady in front try to stop? It's the main reasons I won't let my cats out. I couldn't bear then getting hurt.

TMI alert: I'm getting thick creamy CM today which I think I had last month just before AF so I reckon she will come tomorrow. Kind of looking forward to a few days break from shagging haha! Deffo getting that AF-like feeling in my uterus area now though!

Also started reason taking charge of your fertility. Anyone else read it? It's a bit preachy!

I only read the free charting your fertility book by fertility friend jelly told me all I needed to know! oh I did read the impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant but I was way past using opks and bbts at that point so it was useless for me.

It's a good read don't get me wrong (you could have written it lil) but it is very pushy toward fertility awareness method instead of contraceptives as a way of avoiding pregnancy!

Oh well! Bloating has returned. Joy!

in that case jelly maybe I did write it! if I'd known 13 years ago what I know now id never have used hormonal contraceptives.

Noooooooooooooooo I thought there was another disc of Walking dead series2 but it's just the deleted scenes!! I will have to wait till tomorrow when my friend can get me started with the next lot. What am I going to do?! I think I have a problem sorry to all who are having actual issues, bad Muddy

Wow you have finished season two already muddy??? Thas quick! Season 3 is good!

Bloating update, it's now gone again. No idea what my body is playing at!

Ooooooowww!

I think my uterus is going to fall out. My legs are burning, i feel sick.... The witch must have bought her coven with her.

Yeah jelly she stopped and tried to pick him up but screamed and dropped him when she saw blood twat. It didn't look good tbh

Anyone have any tips for making chai tea lattes at home? Do I need to buy a milk frother? Mine just aren't doing it.....

X post, poor you honey hope she fucks off and leaves you alone disappears soon.

Oh god honey I feel for you :( I've never had period pain before last month, and even then I don't think it was bad compared so some people I know. Gx it passes soon.

tink that's horrid :( I bet she's shaken up but still, poor kitty :(

Jelly I watch 4 episodes just last night then had awful dreams. So so good!

Feel better soon Honey