O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

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Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!

Booo think I've eaten something dodge. My belly is aching soooooo bad right from between my ribs through my whole belly coming in horrible cramping waves.

Deep breath honey, it may not happen, gx

Jelly, why won't AF arrive Tuesday (although gx she won't arrive at all)? Or is it actually Monday today and I forgot to go to work?

Thanks girls. I've got my gx too!

Muddy what did you eat?

I dunno honey, just a simple chicken and veg pasta bake?! Haven't felt like this in years since I ate some dodgy mussels. Dh is fine.

Gx for you.

I'd be setting up an emergency supply in the toilet if I were you. Bottle of water, couple of books, iPod. Poor thing.

Man that Zara skirt is exactly what I was after so of course it is gone. BOO.
I haven't browsed anywhere else but will do tomorrow.

Have bought a bumper pack of sanitary towels today just incase needed as was all out of stock. DH says we're not buying tests until I'm late, he's a sensible chap. Wanted to get some special conception friendly lube as I sometimes need assistance but couldn't find it but will get some from Amazon. It's pricey! You can end up with all sorts of stuff in your cupboards!

I'm still being good about symptom spotting as in none to spot so not inventing any. I am resorting to wearing my sports bra though as my norks are tender and heavy still.

Good luck with the running tinker, I never thought I'd get so into it. All I need are banging tunes and my ear muffs.

gaggia I'm all about leather leggings or leather look ones. I got some from River Island recently. Until I get pregnant, I'm basically going to be sitting in them, drinking vodka. And supposing I never get knocked up, I'll be Patsy from Ab Fab

Hope you're ok honey

town jelly doesn't know if/when she iced because of no peak on cbfm so doesn't know when AF due.

honey I undid it all. I didn't have enough wool to finish the pattern so need to make something else with it instead. the point is to use up my wool to gain some space so I'm NOT buying any more!

Thanks Stoaty.

Patchwork Lil?

it may end up that way honey, or I'm going to have lots of hats, booties and bibs!

stoat you are my kind of woman! I may not be preggers, but I can rock a legging!

Morning all!

What lil said town. Basically since coming off depo I've not had two cycles alike, last one was 26 days, before was 24 days, and one was 28 days. So today is CD 26, if she doesn't arrive today she could arrive tomorrow or Wednesday (or any day technically).

Some of my AF symptoms have gone this morning but some are worse so really I have no idea when she's gonna arrive. All I know is I think I must have eaten the same dodgy chicken as you mud because I am feeling very sick! Either that or I need a hooyah! (Also gagged brushing my teeth today!).

How are well all today?

Aww Jelly not you too! Though hopefully your sick feeling is that of an impending bfp

My tummy seems all happy again this morning but didn't have a very nice night. Weather looks yukky - don't wanna go outside and to work. Want to stay inside and watch more walking dead s2 despite all the bad dreams it's giving me

Oo we just started season 3! It's so good! It is really scary though, and we always sit to watch an episode when we eat dinner so it's not the best meal time viewing lol!

Glad your tummy is better though mud :) I don't think mine was food related (4 people ate the same thing I cooked last night) but just feel very...bleugh (yeah I just made a word). Also got an 8:30 meeting so already in work!!

Morning! The wind has blown in the witch this morning. At least we can look forward to trying that "Stork" thing next month! bright side??

Lil i have been doing a ripple blanket from Attic 24 website, which might be a good way to use up scraps. Technically it's a chrochet pattern, but easily adapted. (cast on in multiples of 14, then do four normal, two together twice, four normal, two in one increase twice, four normal, two together twice, etc etc)

Lil, you unpicked it all, noo! Can you make a small blanket then crochet a border around the outside? I find it an excellent way of hiding dropped stitches and the like

Boo to the witch Honey

definitely boo to the witch honey she isn't due till saturday in my house but i started with some light cramping last night so think she'll turn up uninvited early! she's a right cow!!!

hope the poorly tummy's are all better

honey that sounded double Dutch! I can crochet a bit. can you send link to pattern?

chat I'm ocd remember, I undo and redo when I drop stitches --though doesn't happen often as I've been knitting for years

i would be the same lil i think it's what's putting me off starting again! lol! not the actually going to a shop to buy supplies!!

have we had a volunteer for the new fred yet? if we're putting up nominations, i think honey or tink??
really need to get rid of the christmas theme now it's depressing me haha!!

At the risk of sounding rather stalkerish, referring back a few pages (it's taken me a long time to catch up!) I believe Mr La got his sa results through (all good) and text La to say his penis was awesome.

Sorry about the witch honey

Good luck to anyone hoping for a BFP this week!

Morning viroids. Heavy duty nausea going on here. 3 more days til I can POAS or the witch will arrive before then
Gx for all the sicky ones

Here you are Lil

45 more minute of work and i can crawl in to bed. Or attempt to chrochet through the pain! Might distract me enough. Plus it's nice to see it grow.

Trod on one of the cats paws earlier. that'll learn her for getting under my feet She has done a smelly pop in retaliation.

The witch has arrived. I'm off for a post nights sleep snooze before I take DH to have a big injection in his spine and then I'm going to have something like pate or soft cheese or sushi to ease the blow.

aawwww sorry sunshine that defo calls for pate/soft cheese feast!

Don't forget the wine Sunshine, bugger about the witch. Hope you're not too disappointed