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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

999 replies

Purplecircle · 21/12/2014 09:43

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Purplecircle · 10/01/2015 12:33

Oh Honey you're not a fat barren hag and neither am I! I have to stop knocking myself for nit getting pregnant and so does everyone else.

I have unfollowed all the preggos and new borns on Facebook. I also haven't seen my brother since the Christmas day of hiding in the kitchen which is a massive shame as I want to see my toddler niece. I'm just not up to it

I'm trying very hard to stop focusing on all the things that are not going well, and instead focus on the things that are. It sounds like psychobabble but it is better for my state of mind and I have only cried once this week.
I have a lovely husband who doesn't know what to do with me cos I'm so miserable. It's not fair on him at all.
Each month I'm not pregnant means more cash in the purple maternity fund
We've just booked a holiday for May and a weekend in March for our wedding anniversary

I am full of symptoms but I have no illusions that the witch will turn up by Thursday and then I'll drink the bottle of chateauneuf du pape I got given last week and start again next month

Sorry I went on a lot! But not getting pregnant is no ones fault Smile

OP posts:
TinkerBlue · 10/01/2015 12:41

Blows kisses at honey and purple Flowers you guys are inspirational and your babies will be very lucky. trounces JC in the sentimental stakes please try and keep positive ladies. You will get there, and if not I will steal you one from Tesco. There is a rough arse town near here and there are always snotty lost kids in the tesco. Dh and I already have a plan, just let me know what sort you want. Shock

I'm about to start week 2 jelly Smile

Purplecircle · 10/01/2015 12:52

Thanks Tink, I'd like a housetrained one that looks adorable but doesn't answer back, oh and with an iq over 150

OP posts:
TinkerBlue · 10/01/2015 13:04

Would thick, dirty and cute do? This ain't the home counties...Grin

lildottie · 10/01/2015 13:18

purple I find seeing my toddler nephew reminds me how hard having kids is and makes we wonder why I want kids! lol

tink I would be honoured to be your bfp buddy Grin

honey you'll get there. we just have to keep pushing through Thanks

jellypi3 · 10/01/2015 13:44

Did my run!!!! Knackered now! Feel good for it though!

And viroids, we WILL all be mummies soon. I know it!

Jcandy · 10/01/2015 14:15

Well done jelly!

Yeah toddlers are good for that lil

Didn't know it was a competition tink Grin vows to try harder next time Wink

jellypi3 · 10/01/2015 14:55

So I know we are still 250 posts off but who is doing next fred?

lildottie · 10/01/2015 14:56

whoever it is needs to make it a lucky one, it could be mine and tinks bfp thread depending how much we natter

Muddytoes1 · 10/01/2015 15:07

Flowers for the sad viroids having a bad day. Tomorrow will be a better one and we will soon have our bfps for sure Smile

Dot33 · 10/01/2015 15:32

Flowers to you all too. It's just that TTC can be so totally consuming, it's impossible not to let it take over your life. It will be worth it in the end. New fred will help!

honeysucklejasmine · 10/01/2015 15:35

Thank you for your support ladies. I couldn't do it without you.

Poochieblue · 10/01/2015 15:51

some lovely supportive and inspirational posts going on here! love it!

DH isn't helping things at the mo, he wants me to be less obsessed but has just asked me to go do a test because I've had a bad head the last 2 days and just had a mega hot flush! am only 6dpo! please send my husband a hooyah!! lol xx

Muddytoes1 · 10/01/2015 15:59

Hooyah Mr Pooch!! says she who poas cd5 this month

Muddytoes1 · 10/01/2015 16:03

Think I need one too, currently checking out maternity summer dresses when I am not pregnant, not is it nearly summer Blush

Poochieblue · 10/01/2015 16:29

oh dear! cd5 and maternity dresses! hooyah on its way! But! you have made me smile :-) x

jellypi3 · 10/01/2015 16:35

Hooyah ladies!!!!! (Lol at mat dresses)

lildottie · 10/01/2015 16:49

poochie I can't hooya you for mat dresses, I am knitting baby clothes!

lildottie · 10/01/2015 16:50

sorry, muddy not poochie, definite hooya for mrpoochie tho! did u poas for him?

jellypi3 · 10/01/2015 17:07

i wish i could knit! i'm useless at that sort of thing!!

lildottie · 10/01/2015 17:12

its easy jelly, just takes practice. I watch YouTube videos to help when I get stuck. it dies help when u first start to have someone to help you figure out why you are gaining or losing stitches!

Purplecircle · 10/01/2015 17:28

I took up knitting when I stopped smoking. I might start again. I can't read patterns though, I just kept knitting til I had done enought to sew together into a phone cover!

I quite fancy crochet though

My brother has an adorable toddler and a newborn who I'm avoiding

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 10/01/2015 18:14

I have started to make a "ripple blanket" for my non-existent baby.

I do like to knit but only with giant needles because I am impatient.

jellypi3 · 10/01/2015 18:39

You all have my admiration. I have totally useless at crafts! Give me an electrical gizmo or computer to work out or fix and I'll do it, but knitting or crochet, or any sort of craft I am useless at!

jellypi3 · 10/01/2015 18:45

I just ordered some more concieve plus and taking charge of your fertility book!

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