O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

[Purplecircle]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!

Hey y'all.

I was a bit of a supplement junkie towards the last few months of ttc because of my stupid luteal phase defect. Having done loads of research (and had horrible mc guilt thinking it was my fault when it happened), here are a couple of things in case you don't know to be careful with them:

EPO - stop taking as soon as you get BFP. It can cause contractions, women take it later in pregnancy to bring on labour. I didn't know this and carried out taking it. Luckily someone told me.

B6 - make sure you take complex and not just B6. B6 on own can cause a deficiency in other B vits, so you need the complex. Also if you get bfp stop taking the B complex/B6. I didn't because no one told me and I had the most horrendous guilt (which I now know was completely unfounded) because I thought I'd caused my own mc.

Oh and whoever mentioned CM (muddy?) - water, water, water and EPO - you will be astounded at the difference!

You guys sound like you're shagging like something! Very good, viroids, very good.

No - I don't feel like shagging at the moment. I'm knackered, I feel fat and awful and I've got pregnancy rhinitis, meaning I have a blocked nose every night for no apparent reason. It's remarkable how much of a passion killer pregnancy is, but I'm moving into 2nd trimester so bring on the GLoWWW!

BCP is birth control pill.

I didn't use The Stork this month. It's very intimidating. I will next month, but some of the feedback has said that the male part is quite small. I'm not sure it's going to fit on dh! Girth is not a weak point of his!

Hurray for the glow La

honey wtf is stalk?

town there are no stupid qns

muddy also grapefruit for cm. and just because you don't see it doesn't mean its not there. I noticed mine more after a bowel movement - pushed it all downwards! maybe have a ferret then and see what u can find. definitely the water though. I never had a problem seeing ewcm but still noticed more when I upper water to 1.5l per day.

tink there u are! thought about you Re ivf the other day then remembered you aren't going to need it! but in case your interested its easy! well so far lol. it hasn't taken over my life the way I thought it would and I'm not even bothered about the ec (egg collection) and et (embryo transfer). they just seem normal, kinda like going for the hsg and us scans now. I feel really chilled about it today. realised my first scan is a week Wednesday do not as far away as it seemed! AF has finished so all good.

Lovely to see you tink!

Hi to noniks, mountain and bother if you're lurking. Hope you guys are ok x

Just been told glow is a myth :(

purple af arrived at 15:19. That witch is so predictable!

Yikes - just Googled The Stork!

www.thestorkconception.co.uk/how-it-works/

Thanks muddy! Its like a mooncup full of spunk on a stick which you shove up to your cervix! The cup comes in a condom which people seem to find a bit small.

Product test for mnhq.

Ahhh pants Gaggia

I disagree La

This thread is for me! Hello! Been just shagging the last few days, first month without contraception.

That stork is freaky as hell. No likey.

I'm sorry hunny but that's hilarious. how is that going to get the spunk there better than it shooting out of a penis inside you at a gazillion miles an hour! will be interested to see if it brings your bfp!

Thanks tink

When I had my bloods done I had high lh and testosterone. I have really irregular periods that seem to have stopped altogether at the min - I think I'm on cycle day 127. I don't really have acne - my skin isn't perfect, but nothing too noticeable and nothing a bit of foundation won't cover. I have a little extra dark hair on my tummy (where my actual hair is a dark blonde colour), but again nothing much really... I am overweight and find it hard to lose weight, though the metformin and reducing carbs was beginning to help with that (before Christmas happened anyway). My moods can be a bit all over the place - guessing that's related to hormones...

The more I think about it the more worried I am getting. I was fine before this over thinking I seem to be doing tonight.

Welcome stoat

ain the fact it was helping before Christmas means it will help when you start again now. focus on what you can control, not what you can't. and remember small goals - even the smallest weight loss can have a huge positive impact on your fertility. I was first day back on diet today and it wasn't too bad. resisted the urge to cook piles of mash and roasted cubes of butternut squash instead. off to put it all in mfp app and see what my carb v protein %s are like.

Welcome Stoat!

Yes Lil, I am curious too. I guess you could do it low tech with good aim and a mooncup?! Buy if it gets me a bfp then great!

Welcome stoat!

Honey - are you using that regularly? I would also question how that's any better than a penis, although I do remember someone on sunset beach getting pregnant from a turkey baster

Welcome stoat!!

Got 4 days off work! Yay!

Also add last night to the list of nights we DTD!

Another fecking high on the monitor though. Also come down with sore throat and blocked nose. Love this time of year!

Happy Tuesday ;)

Sorry for the intrusion but I just have to high five you La for watching sunset beach. I especially loved the ending where it all turned out to be a dream .

As you were viroids, hop to it and get shagging! Hope you get a peak soon Jelly.

The stork looks like an "interesting" piece of equipment. I don't think I'd be able to convince DH to give it a go.

Jelly you're my new JS role model. I really hope you get a bfp this cycle... I think I'll spend my next cycle constantly telling myself "what would jelly do? - just shag!"

Welcome to the Fred Stoat!

Welcome, Stoat - stats?

I know someone in RL who got upduffed with a turkey baster. Agree, give the (awesome) penis a try first.

Boo to the witch gaggia, that predictable cow.

I don't fall much when skiing, the reason I won't be doing it this year is the centre of gravity shift!

This is so weird, DP and I were joking about the whole Turkey Baster thing last night! (He wondered if freezing a pint of his sperm would work lol).

Yeah we have certainly taken a vigorous approach to it this month, and will continue for the next few months hopefully. I need a break tonight though, it's sore!!

Thanks for the warm welcome.

I'm almost 35 so obviously for my birthday next month, the Daily Mail will rock up to Pizza Express and rob me of all my eggs while i'm sipping on my pinot grigio. TTC #1, TTCing as of New Year's Day.

Some of my lesbian friends have had success using turkey baster or equivalent. Quite a success rate actually...

No La, its a product test for MNHQ. Can't do any harm if the penis alone is not doing the trick, eh?