O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

[Purplecircle]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!

Oo let us know how it goes bat :) gx.

Having new born cuddles at the moment. Delicious!!

Well as predicted I couldn't wait once I bought it haha - BFN! Slightly disappointed as it was my first POAS experience since I've actually wanted to get pregnant so that slight chance is exciting but I was so sure it was a BFN that I picked up some sushi from the place next door to the chemist to have for dinner! I guess with the appearance of pant snot from CD16-20 I maybe iced late and therefore AF is late.

Only fancy tests available in the pharmacy I went to which is annoying - 10 bloody quid down the drain! Will hold out a bit longer next time and try to save myself some money

Whoa, whoa, bat... Only FRER work for any time of day! If it wasn't a FRER then you need to use first morning urination for an accurate test.

it didn't say first response but it was a fancypants clearblue one and said you can use up to 4 days before your period so I reckon it's telling the truth. Because I'm such an expert in pregnancy tests obviously I'm onto my next project now - looking at thermometers on Amazon and getting excited about drawing charts! geek

Now I know none of you use contraband of course but if you did....hypothetically.......are all ovulation sticks the same? Just want to be sure that I know when I'm icing so thought I might give them a go for a month. Hypothetically.

Sorry to hear that bat, had similar experience last month when cycle was 5 weeks long. Am also now looking at contraband, never realised there was so much to know...

Internet cheapie OPK's are pretty good, but you have to get used to reading the lines. I don't think you should use FMU with them, but they are very cheap.

I'm using the Clear Blue Advanced Fertility Monitor which is expensive but does all the reading for you and just give you a low, high or peak fertility reading and uses FMU. There's temping with a basal body thermometer which is very accurate but I found quite tricky though loads of people love doing it. There's also other OPk's but I've never used those so cant comment :)

Batfish check the instructions. Clear blue isn't necessarily better... Who was it who had it substituted in to their shopping and was annoyed? Most tests are designed to be used in the morning, no matter how many mornings early it is.

I use "one step" opk from amazon. I NEVER get a very dark line... Either it isn't there at all or it's obvious, but its never as dark as the control, which iswhat is supposed to indicate ovulation.

Something i will mention to my consultant if i am not preg by the time i see him.

:( cb are a bit pants, wait a couple of days then try frer

Countering conventional wisdom, thought I'd share this study (scroll to "frequency of intercourse") which shows that alternate day sex isn't necessary for maximum quality sperm, and that every day is just as god if not better. So, Erm... what are you waiting for?! richmondfertilitycenter.com/optimize-natural-fertility

^Good, not god!

I'm not sure I can be bothered with weeing on opks all the time, however drawing graphs is something I love so I do fancy a bit of temping! I just want to be sure that I am actually icing and if I am, when. It's only 2nd cycle of really trying - and actually this one has been a bit of a poor effort - so I'm not even slightly worrying about it not happening as I assume it will take some time. But I just don't want to get another 6-12 months down the line and discover that I don't ovulate or something and will then wish I'd checked it out sooner!

honey it said on the instructions that it can be used up to 4 days before period is due - and mine should be imminent - and it also said if it is when your period is due then it can be used at any time of day. So the only way it would have been wrong would be if AF is not actually coming for another few days for some reason. But anyway I don't feel remotely pregnant so I'm not wondering at all whether I should do another. I would have come last in shagger of the month for Dec so it would practically be immaculate conception haha

Feel like the worst person ever. DH has been complaining of backache, so we haven't dtd at all this cycle. I've been so cranky about it because I put it down to laziness/cold feet about ttc. He had an MRI - turns out he might need more back surgery. Meh.

Aww sunshine don't feel too bad, I'm the least sympathetic person ever with my hubby because he is a hypochondriac who eats antibiotics like they are sweeties so I sometimes feel the same! Just make up for it by giving him lots of TLC. Hope he is OK and it is nothing too serious.

Seeing the neurosurgeon tomorrow so we'll find out the plan then. I was equally as unsympathetic over the summer when it turns out his spinal cord was being squished by a prolapsed disc.

Fingers crossed it's just a bit of physio he needs and we can return to our new year food (and JS) filled plans! If it's another operation then there will be no funny business for months!

Mum that was a really interesting article. Especially the bit about the lube which I had no idea could hold up the swimmers. Has anyone used this Pre Seed stuff it talks about?

Batfish I've also just started cycle 2 and definitely haven't just ordered a whole bunch of ovulation strips on Amazon. Good luck with the hypothetical temping

Sun hope dh gets well soon

mud a lot of us use pre seed or concieve is lube. Normal lube can be harmful to swimmers!

Off to read the article

I got pregnant first month using pre seed, so did popz I think. It definitely helps

Sunshine hope your dh is ok gx

I think we'll try preseed next month if this month doesn't work

Aw sunshine hope your dh is ok and it doesn't turn ouout too serious.

I might switch to preseed for one month. We've been using conceive plus.

That article is interesting. I don't think it could shag every day tho. Every other day is ok, maybe 2 or 3 days on the trot is ok but every day???

I swear to god if I hadn't had AF from hell I would swear I was upduffed. Feel so sick at the moment!!!

Ew ew ew just drank a glass of squash and there was some whitish gunk in the bottom - dh informs me this is the raw gloop that came off the chicken he defrosted earlier! Why did he put this in a glass and how did I not notice when pouring the drink! I'm not normally squeamish about food but pretty sure raw chicken is a no no

Hello mum and rachel.

I'm feeling a bit weird tonight. Not even really sure how to describe what I mean. I just feel weird. Almost nostalgic like, but not...

I've been having weird dreams again too the past week or so. The other night I actually woke DH up in the middle of the night because I screamed in my sleep. I don't really remember doing that. In my dream I screamed because a jumping spider jumped on my face... There was lots of other things going on in that particular dream too that I remembered when I woke up but can't remember now... my sleep pattern is all out of whack too. Something isn't quite right.

Unfortunately I really doubt that it is in any way pg related. Just my body being a bit fucked up.

In other news I have just worked out I can touch type on my tablet on screen keyboard (apart from my nails are too long). Santa was very kind and got me a Samsung galaxy tab for Christmas. I'm still getting to grips with it. Hehe.

Oh, I'm also an idiot. I only just worked out how to read my messages in my inbox on the mobile version of the website..