O Come all ye Viroids, joyful and triumphant. Deck the halls with Contraband. All I want for Christmas is a BFP! Just Shag all the way (no36)

[Purplecircle]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 35 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy Christmas shagging, shaggers!

should be 2dec places for bbt thermometer. thermal shift can ve as little as 0.2 so if temp is rounded you may not ve able to read chart as easily. I also got baby mad from Amazon here you can get °c or °f one.

fed up of knicker watch here and its only day 2! decided I'm writing an ivf diary so going to go buy a nice book for it tomorrow.

as for the stop stressing you'll get pg line - bullocks! doesn't matter how relaxed I am/have been it doesn't/won't change my dh's shit spunk. nor will him relaxing. people who say that are total fing twts

hi newbies. please forgive my rant - blame the drugs

Ah honey that sucks, have a cuppa from me

Welcome new shaggers! Rachel, they recommend every other day as best shagging practice - keeps the swimmers healthy

honeysuckle that's got to be awful :( sorry to hear, but glad you've got a way to keep warm! haha

ChatEnOeuf I hope we'll get a chance to! Our plan was to whenever we could, but he's on nightshift and it's hard during the 4 days he's working but if Asda get in the way of my baby making, I shall go in and throw the cat at his manager

Thanks, everyone for the gx - so far, so good, but gingers still very tightly crossed that it isn't another cp. Might relax a bit more next week, maybe...
good luck to lil and to everyone due to poas soon. ( my apologies to anyone in the northwest who can't get any sticks, I may or may not have bought the world's supply in my paranoia )

Morning lovelies, got my disco pants out last night.
Think I iced yesterday due to pant snot and I'd also had my cape out Sunday morning so gx we got it
Might get it out again tomorrow just to be sure, today is Cd13

Thanks ladies. shiver

Rachel we shall tell you the tale of the legendary La, who snuck home at lunch time for a stealth shag. She is over on the grads thread now, but hangs around here too. Can you dp sneak home during his break?

that sounds so funny!

unfortunately I don't think he can with him being on night shift, his break is when I'm in bed & then when I wake up, he's fast asleep and doesnt get up till about 6pm! we're doing it today whether he likes it or not... I want a baby!

6pm, perfect shagging hour I work shifts too, it is possible if you plan around them.

Hi rachel :) good luck in your quest for a baby! Just don't over think it. It's very easy to in the early stages, but remember it takes on average a year for a couple to get pregnant. Some people are very lucky and manage it sooner but try not to obsess or you may turn into a mad person!!

And every other day is best for quality of your mans soldiers!!

lil I sympathise with you on the "relax and it'll happen thing". It's something I hear quite often (not aimed at me because nobody knows we are TTC except my nan) but I hate it when people say it!

purple I must say the CBAFM is the best contraband I have used in a very long time. I got really worried with temping at the wrong time and those IC OPK's are so hard to read. The monitor just tells you (though I've still not had a peak ffs) and it's quite discreet.

honey sorry to hear about the heating. Can you go get a portable radiator or halogen heater?

Off to another wasted day at work! I'll be on here all fricking day!!

Sorry if I've missed anyone in my epic update!!!

Well I won't be poas on Sunday after all

Onwards towards another month of shagging!

I'm contemplating peeing on a stick! Eeeek! CD31and no sign of AF - but then absolutely no preggo symptoms either. And 2 cycles ago was 31 days so can't rule AF out! If she doesn't show up this afternoon I might buy a test after work to pee on tomorrow if still waiting.

Boooo sorry kez

Pooey Kez!

I'm a bit achey and sore today in the ovary region. Should be icing so not unexpected. DTD last night and will again tonight to cover all bases!

:( big hugs kez that really does suck much! Still there's always next month!!

bat go POAS!!!!! (I'm letting my Inner demon out).

kez totally shit but at least you cab get pissed for nye on the bright side.

boo don't let this lot derail you. give it another few days. gx

Morning viroids! Welcome Rachel and mum, welcome to the JSIng crew.

Jelly I found ultimate contraband (cbfm) handy as that's when I found out after 9 bloody months that we had been stopping shagging too early as I iced 7 days later than I thought.

Bat - poamfs!

Jcandy - got everything crossed for bfp

Anyone with pant snot - get those legs in the air!

Kez - boo to the witch! Stoopid uninvited coo. At least you can enjoy new year though.

Anyone whose dh is on shifts - or likes a drink - the stealth shag definitely works. I left desk at 12 and was back at 12:50 having got upduffed. Dh was still too pissed in the morning and was working that night, I knew I was icing so needed to seize the moment.

I'm 11+4 now, almost at the elusive 12 week point. Scan isn't until I'm 13 weeks though so that's frustrating. I'm still nauseous, knackered, very greasy and tired looking and eating lots of crisps.

La i bet you actually look glamorous lol! But your stealth shag is legendary now!!

I must say, I know it's ultimate contraband but the CBFM is a great piece of kit for finding out if you are ovulating (so far I haven't had a peak so grr to that). Only thing is it's focusing DP's shagging times, so we are shagging tonight (he's already put it in the monitor to say we are) which kind of takes away the romance of it, but I guess babies aren't always made a moment of passion!

Oh and Bat sorry, if you don't want to POAS then don't :) Maybe wait till she's officially late (so tomorrow). But go stock up on FRERs!

kez noooooooooooo! Sorry about the witch.

bat poamfs!

Where's lemon and where is tink? Are they being festively busy?

Bugger Kez, witch is a bitch

La, you're almost there lovely, you'll be fine I feel it in my water

Tried to convince DH that we need more cape action the rest of the month as we've been quite lax lately except at icing time and he admitted to be worried about breaking it again!

Today I felt sick and have sore boobs which I assume is an icing symptom. I'm not getting my hopes up or reading anything into anything this month. I can't handle the disappointment. So I will say no more about it

Oh and Bat, POAMFS please

Purple I've got all my gingers crossed. My ginger cats have their ginger paws crossed for you too

Jelly - honestly, I look horrendous...

Ahh la I bet you look lovely - and even if you don't then you've got a lovely baby inside you so who cares

Ok if the witch hasn't arrived by the time I finish work I will buy a test. Stupid questions but does it need to be morning wee or is evening wee ok? As long as I don't have a test I'm ok but I know as soon as I have one I won't be able to wait! 95% sure it will be a BFN due to poor shagging efforts in December (although it only takes once I know) and I don't feel any different at all - but it is on my mind now so it would be good to know for sure and then I am not thinking what if!

Bat if you want most reliable result go for full moon unicorn (morning urine). Frer should pick up any time but if bfn then you'd only be wondering if you should do another.

Better buy 2 then in case I can't wait and need to do another haha. The worst thing is that here you cannot buy anything without an overly helpful shop person coming over and insisting that you tell them what you're looking for - so I actually am going to feel like a 14 year old buying condoms! Really don't know why I feel such a tit, it's very silly.

Thanks La and La's cats

Gx Batfish