30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

LOZZA BUNDLE!!!!!

Thanks for piss-fire advice, pal. I am chugging my way through litres of East London's finest eau de chlorine, which I think helps. I wanted to clench this morning but there is only so long I can go without my morning cuppa and I broke after about three minutes...

Hey but great going on the SWI, pal! you know what NORMALLY happens doncha? Week before FC appt .... . However, it's an exciting week for you all round I think. I totally get why FCing is wibble-making, but part of the wibble is that actually, there is a strong likelihood that it will bring a baybee even nearer, you know? It solidifies and clarifies things.

'Ere 'ave a puff off this, and M. Fouffe says we can wear his Chanel for tonight's midnight lezzup feast

PS - anyone 'ere used that Pre-Seed stuff? We're using at the moment largely to speed things up . It works on that front fo sho, but urgh, it's cold!

x-posts.

Cass & Head thanks for the candles. Think I belong in the dunces class

Cass I'm doing my bestest at the shagging. Honest. Last night I clenched and put pillow under arse for a while. Twas quite uncomfortable* & I think its put my back at a funny angle

*the pillow under arse, not the SWI

Cass how are you feeling?

Lyra, I didnae see you there, petal. Want a puff on these ? You should very definitely have a gold star, and a real one at that, on a special shiny chain. Funny, isn't it - when I was a randy teenager it never once occurred to me I'd roll my eyes at the prospect of a shag

HeadBaker I am here since Jan and always thought you were more long standing than that. Perhaps I was Feb. Well done on this morning's hard work .

Oh Ski that's great! Can we frame it somewhere? Nice (or not really) to see some originals knocking about! On that note, Laurel I am proud to be in the FC bunch with a brave BESH like you and glad you have Sallie and I to hold your hand.

We had very profunctory secs last night. So we have done it now twice in a row. Tonight is the last night of trying hard. I would like SFF now, please. Maybe next month I just go for 2 or 3 times a week.

Today is a much better day fanks Lolly

I approve entirely of your clenchypillowy endeavours. You may rest against my Amazonian thighs until your back feels better

Ooo HopOn, hmmm. Not sure now! Maybe it was DEcember...I was under a different name (I changed because I was embarrassed to admit that my TTC difficulties were because the Auld Fella was struggling with depression and therefore not reaching the happy conclusion necessary to diffment, or indeed shagging at all if he could possibly help it. Hard to imagine being embarrassed about all that now ).

Cass, I couldn't find a necklace but I thought perhaps GodessLyra might like this exquisite hand-made symbol of her SWIing brilliance? What d'you think?

Ow, Eddie is he better now? Isn't it quite common in his line of work?

I think she'd prefer this - it has a star in it PLUS an L for Lyra... we've just got to think of something for the J & the S.

Jaunty Lyra Shags?

Loads better thanks HopOn - and you are right, it's very common given what he does. If you've been spat at, been in a cell just after a crack-addict's leg ulcer has burst, attended a domestic violence incident then gone on hospital guard for someone in the agonies of alcohol withdrawal (worse than any drug, apparently - who knew. Let's never stop drinking ) then I think the last thing on your mind is a right old shag. Our Secks Life is now the best it's been since the early days , despite my occasionally thinking I would quite happily enter a nunkery once all this is over. Largely because there's nothing hotter than a pretty nun of course...beautiful white hands, don't you think?

Cass that's so beautiful it took my breath away. (Jaunty Lyra Shags )

Cos has had her baybee!

Yes I saw!

PESHbabies all over the place. Surely this augurs well for the MAD!

bangers Yep, we operate on a strict one-in, one-out policy!

Morning BESHlets - am so grateful to Skihose for posting that link, now I can just pretend I read all the old threads today, and that's how I know all your intimate secrets business.
Hello Laurie nice to make your aquaintance/ence formally like, jolly good show on the shagfest.
I found this- www.godshares.com/JEWELRY/lyranecklace.html (first try, so prepare for linkfail) Do you think ShewhoshallbenamedLyra is moonlighting doing miracles for others in need too? As long as they're not 18year olds who want their fourth child I think we should be prepared to share.
Am in the unusual position of finding myself SFF repeatedly...as no idea where I am in cycle, and BBB was away last week on boys jolly and came back all frisky (suspicious, moi? turns out they're all getting on a bit, and sat around moaning about their nagging other halves, and he realised he didn't have it so bad after all!) Tis an unusual situation for us, shagging for no reason like...feels a bit...naughty?
must dash, floors won't mop themselves [wishing had exciting career emergency to boast of emotion]
Here drink this. It's home brew, and you shouldn't be out for more than a couple of days.

oooh- yey for cosmicbabe

Morning all. Will have that lovely drink thanks Pollstar

Nice to read the orginals thread and see our heritage! We have a lot to live up to with all those diffments.

Headcase good work on the morning secs. We also use pre-seed. I used it when I got PG with mini O so daren't not use it now! I don't [ahem] get much of the old FFJ so use pre-seed to give the old boys a head start.

Cass Glad you're doing ok and we're having less talk of fish paste now...

We're also doing fairly well on the SWI front. Am on CD18 today and got a positive OPK yesterday. I had thought I was in for another rubbish month of OV'ing late but seemingly my body has been frightened into submission and is working properly again (at least for a while). Got some good secs in on Fri, Sat and Sun and am planning on another attempt this evening (obv of the spontaenous type ). OV should be tomorrow so I reckon that will do us for this month. Noticed some of the lubberly egg white stuff earlier for once so we should be on on for a good one - yeehaa.

On recommendation from Saltcellar I have now started clenching in order to draw up the precious cargo to where it is needed. That, and perching on a pillow, is my all out attempt at getting diffed this month.

Har, I can sweet-talk my way round a bouncer Ski no wuzzles!

Ooh, good necklace find Moley !

Well, I take my earlier post back - it appears the BESH hills ARE alive with the sound of shagging Jolly good!

Ooo that is interesting Orchid. I do think, however, it should come with a sort of turkey-baster type dispenser. All rather messy otherwise.

3 Gold Stars for Lyra and a giant iced bun to reward her AND replenish lost energy

I too joined in June, I think. It's weird that the Palace is not even 18 months old. it just seems like we've been TTC and failing since 1884...

May I join in bellowing POAS!!! at Salty? I've got my boxing gloves somewhere if kidney-punching is required

I ain't 2WOOFLing. I refuse. I will not accept any signs until my first child gets their degree. Possibly their Master's.

PS the other day, I totally forgot my best claim to fame - my Gran's cousin was the v famous dancer and choreographer who was responsible for many of cinema's famous and even iconic dance and fight scenes - the naked wresting in Women In Love being just one.

Damn, I missed making a ShagLyraShag joke!

YAYYYY for BABYCOSMO! So happy for her XX

Hoorah for SkaterBabe and CossieLaidABaybee!!

Where IS Salty? I want to punch her in the kidneys...

Woop! Excellent PESHbabies, there is hope for us all :)

HBPencil I have also used the preseed altho not the one that requires a dispenser as could not cope with the thought of inept insertion making hideous mess all over bedroom. So have gone for the tube of stuff and so far it has obviously failed to work. Bah. At least it is not actively killing the white goods like the stuff we were using before (whoops).

Excellent work, you SWIers :)

Hmm, homebrew you say, nosemole ? I'm always suspicious of homemade things in here since salty's jar jars and some dubious meringues a while back...

HB, we use preseed and I don't bother squirting it up inside me like it says. We use it as you would a normal lube and providing you do it right before the gates are breached (so to speak), then it's aaaaall gooooood (it dries very quickly).

And I mean goooooooooooood

Make like Henry Cooper and splash it on all over.