30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

Afternoon BESHies (and lurkers) Happy Burples Poopants If i had known I could have sent stalked you a return giftage, instead you sent me something, tis all topsy turvey. I haven't started it yet so plz to hold off with exam for a few days.

I am bringing rock buns to the midnight feast (all the better to throw at you ) and raspberry gin fizzes.

Hope all is well and Lyra & Barberella have been cheered up a bit by BESHtrosnics.

BESHtronics (where did that extra s come from? :S)

Ooh forgot to mention something my needles lady told me yesterday. Apparently there is a test for Anti Mullarian Hormone which will determine how many eggs you have left. Thought this would be useful for us older BESHes, has anyone had this test or been offered it?

It has been added to my list for the 9th.

Lyra you are not a jealous cow. Come here and let me show you just how great I think you are.

And Scropy come here and get your kisses from a 38 yr old Pol while you still can. There is plenty of room on my lap for two.

BESHspiration story ahoy: had a chat with a colleague yesterday about matters flangical.

She was going to have IVF then went to see her consultant for the final preps, did some standard tests, turned out to be diffed after 5 years. The shock! The joy! Was happy with just the one, didn't bother with contramaception what with the flukery of the first diffment. Four years later, thought she was having early menopause, but no - diffed again. 1st late 30s, second 40s.

Her view (from experience, both her own and pals') is that aksherly people not having children is a lot rarer than we sometimes think, and that it does 'appen eventually if you just cling on and keep shagging ghastly thought

Realise this is the optimistic view but it cheered me up no end and intend to not get PROPERLY gloomy until five years have passed oh as IF Headbanger, who you fucking kidding

Fab BESHpiration stories, they fair warm my heart, they do.

Salad, my Needles Lady has told me all about the AMH test too. Is supposed to be THE most cutting edge test they can do to see how barren fertile you is. Unfortunately, a GP can't order it - you will only get it tested once you've been through every other investigation at the Barren Menders and are on the road to IVF and are over 35 (they need to know how aged your eggs truly are).

You can get it tested privately - Zita West clinic, praise be upon them, do it for £170 plus top-quality in-person or phone consultation 'n' shiz.

HB, top marks for 'flangical' and for story of true BESHpiration. I believe our dear Cho was a-trying for @5 years too before her wondrous win. Stronger women than me, both - wills and va-jay-jays of steel!

Polly, am going to sit right here on your knee and smooch away and be the last person to snog you as a 38 yr old and the first person to snog you as a 39 yr old Hey, it's my privilege as mother of your unborn child!

I heart 'BESHtronics' :)

I heart "barren menders" even made the boy chuckle when i called them that last night.

Okes re the AMH, will I tick one of the criteria (35+) so I guess I will only get it as some point if clomid and IUI don't work...

LadyGG hurrrah for your friends, that is lovely news :)

Am I too late for BESHbundle?

I need to be slightly memememem (even more than usual!)

Today at work in our staff briefing I sat on a row where I was actually literally the only non diffed women. And it was a row made up entirely of women. This would have been bad enough, but then an old hag who works there turned there and said 'Oh, look at you, you're the only one not pregnant! Don't worry, you've probably still got time'

For fecks sake.

It should be legal to carry and use a 12-bore shotgun to dispatch absolute thoughtless, evil CUNTS like that. Bet it made your day, huh? Grrrr, I feel so angry on your behalf. And upset about the awful, awful odd-one-out situation (as if that wasn't shit enough without that witch sticking her oar in). Would a grope help?

A grope would be lovely, thanks Scorpy,

I know tis only words and it doesn't make my situation any worse, but having it feckin highlighted isn't helpful. Plus the 9 thousand preggers ladies at work, to a woman, are younger than me, and all got diffed by having a gentleman sneeze in their direction. (apart from one who has had multiple m/c, so she can be in the BESH club!)

Feck, feck FECK.

Saltz you have a better temper that me, I would soooo have to had added a "that's what you think" or "sez who?" just to shut her up.

Currently wondering if I have chicken pox, or am just mozzie fodder.

Preggers by proxy news is always reasuring to the currently undiffed, so big whop whop to all those AC +ve's.

oh god I am disappearing up own Bum. Loz dear, sorry you've been ...

will go back to obsessively checking gusset for implantation bleeding. prob no point as I am never getting diffed

Soz for cluster posting but have had random thought, I am sure I once heard a woman say that she only had to wash a man's sock to get diffed. As I have never ever managed to get an acutal pair of sock (as opposed to two vaguely simmilar socks)through the washing process, that may explain my predicament.

Holy SHIT sweetnsalty WTF goes through peoples minds as they say these things? Fucking bitch, send her round ere for a scouse style chicken wing in the babymaker.

I feel awful because all I can think when I hear about other peoples AC baybeewins is that its one less statistical spot for ME(memememe) But when I get control of my selfishness I am really chuffed for people like Gagas friends. honest.

Saw Florence Rose on the tele, she actually looks quite cute for a new born then Callmedave kissed her on the nose and I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Aw, did not realize ChoMein haz been a tryin' for 5 years prior to win. I heart her even more now.

SeaSalt 'ere, have a grope. In such situations I use (blatantly untrue) "I am a career woman, I do not mess with lowly things like babies" attitude. Which ain't true and is stupidly defensive and now that I think of it probably very anti-feminist. But it somehow helps me. (Note to self: rethink feminism sharpish.)

Oh Salty

I am astonished at your restraint. I believe the traditional BESH advice 'kick her in the cunt' would have been appropriate.

And all this talk of hopping on being the wrong position could REALLY explain our babyfail as thats preferred choice approx 90% of the time. Hmm might have to have a rethink!

Oh lovely BESHies I heart you all longtime.

I shall forget the and go back to the menkul.....

With you there BigSaladTheory. Though both CallMeDavina and Clegletta were BESHes, or not really (espesh the former), but started in their firties. How the feckety feck they managed to spawn 3 / 4 before they were 40 beats me! I guess that iz why the fuckers have no understanding.

I am so getting my Saturday Gunariad tomorrow morning to catch up on the happeningz. What's the earliest one can get it?

Cluster post, soz. I would not worry about it, SexBomb I have been annoying both of us by trying not to clamber, so non of the trials were by clamber method and still no diff. I iz now thinking that we should just do what we enjoy. As you can see this is becoming a life philosophy rapidly.

Pray tell the symptoms Didn'tHaveABathSinceDubrovnik.

Cho is total and utter BESHpiration - not least because she is fucking funny (in a v dark way) about all the trials and tribulations and dreadfulness.

AC bods - Zita West's book about these things is marvy. Inspirational and returns control of your body to you by suggesting you can prepare for AC rather than just submit to medical thingies.

I was a bit afeard of the AMH test - didn't want to know my number in case it killed all hope...

MM, yes drom I can see how one would feel like that. On the other hand if there is no hope, I'd rather know, so I can give up and get on with a barren selfish childless life of getting hammered in far flung exotic places (see cup is half full even if it has a bitter flavour).

I believe the correct thing to say was "What was that? Surely you can't possibly have said what I thought you did because that would be TOTALLY FUCKING OUT OF ORDER". Or worse. Cunts like that need to be brought up as to exactly what they're saying and punished for it.

Anyway, just posting to say I did my first lot of injections! It wasn't as bad as I thought but took me a while to build myself up to do it. Had some Green and Black's afterwards to negate the shock. I likey the AC winners stories.