Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Bit of a name change here.
It has been awfully quiet, my poncing has been put on hold this week because thanks to the UKs change is travel rules I am able to visit home for the first time in over 2 years so have been frantically getting everything in order and checking I meet all the requirements. I will now be in the UK for the 2 weeks before Christmas and fly back on the 22nd so the poncing plans might have to be toned down slightly.
All suggestions for foods I can make in advance and freeze and poncing activities I can get my mother involved in that won't take me over my baggage limit are very welcome.

Sorry if this is a repeat.
No code needed I don't think already discounted.

@123forestisme I always freeze bubble and squeak ahead of time. We are busy doing traditional things on Boxing Day morning and it makes my day a lot easier.
I also freeze key lime pies as Son in law loves them.
Jamie Oliver’s Get Ahead Gravy is worth doing ( imho) but miss out the star anise!
Pudding I reheat in slow cooker as it can sit in a corner and burble away.
Chantilly Meringue is always a huge hit with melted Mars bar sauce.
If any of these appeal I can post them here.

Turkey brining - DH does it, I am a veggie and not keen on dealing with raw turkey, but I sort out the salt, spices etc according to Nigella's recipe.
We use an insulated freezer box, the sort you take camping or on picnics. It is plastic, has a lid and the turkey fits nicely.

My paperwhite bulbs arrived today and I cannot wait to get started on them I need to find two more pots to do them in though, I have one lovely one from Tesco a few years ago.
Now I'm on the hunt for nice poncey stamps like the holly and berry ones above, cannot find any that will be sent to or are being sold in Ireland.

Everyone's food sounds amazing. We dont normally do anything much outside of the roast and some tins of sweets/biscuits but I think I'll up my game a bit this year.

Festive craft delivery from LoveCrafts arrived earlier. Excited to get cracking once I've finished decorating my dining room.

Fruit done for Delia’s Creole cake. Smells amazing!

Changed my name to join this thread so i can post photographs. Finished my first embroidery tonight, plan is to back with felt and potentially stuff it.

@Ponceyponce

Changed my name to join this thread so i can post photographs. Finished my first embroidery tonight, plan is to back with felt and potentially stuff it.

That looks amazing!

That’s gorgeous Ponceyponce.

I need some urgent advice. I’m brining a chicken to test Nigellas recipe.

Her recipe is for a 5.5kg Turkey and the chicken is roughly a third of that weight.

Nigellas recipe suggests using about 6L of water. However, to cover the chicken in water still requires 5.5 litres (my pan is quite wide).

Should I:

A) use a third of recommended quantities of sugar, salt and spices despite using almost the same amount of water?

Or

B) use the same quantity of salt, sugar and spices due to needing such a large amount of water?

Really should have thought this through before but am now full of doubt and I fucking hate cooking.

@TrickyD do you or your brining DH have an advice?

@Ponceyponce I LOVE it! How long did it take you altogether? Do you use a pattern?

@Ponceyponce

Changed my name to join this thread so i can post photographs. Finished my first embroidery tonight, plan is to back with felt and potentially stuff it.

The embroidered star is lush

@RubyFakeLips I would think that if you are using a similar amount of water then you should go for option B. You want the same intensity of flavour and using less seasoning with lots of water would just dilute the flavour.

Thanks everyone I've already started the second @RubyFakeLips it probably took about 5 hours in total over 3 evenings. The rose and spider web stitches cover a lot of space quickly. I didn't use a pattern i just traced a star shape and then drew circles where i wanted the big stitches and filled the rest with french knotts

@RubyFakeLips please keep us updated on how it goes - I think I tried brining a turkey following Nigella's recipe once but DS1 was 3 months old so I have no memory of how it went

Thanks Woollys. DH convinced me of the same and has gallantly offered that if it’s awful he will force himself to eat the entire thing alone on Sunday

I’ve gone a little off piste as didn’t have any cinnamon sticks left so added ground cinnamon.

Will be able to update in 48 hours. I’m also trialling Nigellas gingerbread stuffing this meal and next week, I dry brine! I’m certifiable I know, but it keeps me off the hard drugs

Very impressive Poncey, I don’t think I have the patience unfortunately

I've been quiet because I've been sympathetically stressing with dd's UCAS form but it's done. So now it's full Ponce ahead for Christmas.
Will read backwards now. Am ordering my bulbs next week I think.

TrickyD do you or your brining DH have an advice?
No, other than to do as Nigella says. I just asked him if he had any extra tips and he says no.

I'd really like to buy or make reusable crackers this year but they need to be able to bang when you pull them. Has anyone found any to buy or make?

@FlatterNow there are reusable kits you can buy that make it nice and easy like these www.keepthiscracker.com/about-us/how-to

Or if you want to make them you could use instructions like this www.instructables.com/Reusable-Christmas-Crackers/ there are quite a few if you google it

@Ponceyponce that star is beautiful!

Ooh lovely @Row1n, thank you.

@RubyFakeLips good luck on the brining! A lot of people seem to like it so fingers crossed that you will too...if not, well, it’s just a chicken.

Let me know what you think about the gingerbread stuffing as that’s on my list to make this year...already bought the ginger loaf/cake to make it so I hope it’s delicious!

I'm currently making my final batch of chilli jam this year. This one has a few Scotch Bonnet in it, so may be rocket fuel. 😱🙈🔥🙈