Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

And here's my lovely raspberry vodka! 😍😍

(Plus the finished chilli jam!)

That looks amazing @NoWordForFluffy. You've inspired me to make spicy tomato chutney this afternoon, to a recipe my dear departed mum used to use. Haven't made it since having DS, who is now 12, so hoping I get it right.

@NoWordForFluffy is that raspberry vodka in a glass for drinking now???? Looks lovely. Your chilli jam looks great too, wonder are we close enough to swap one for a pear chutney lol

Yes, @noodledoodler, there was too much to fit back into the bottle. So I had to drink some! 🤣🤣

I'm on the NW coast.

Good luck with the chutney, @FlatterNow. I've never done very well with it for some reason. 🤷‍♀️

Disappointing poncery in my house today. I attempted making my gingerbread house tree decorations today using a clay recipe that called for cinnamon, applesauce and pva but I just couldn’t get a decent consistency.

I’m letting them dry out but expecting g them to fall apart.

I’ve made this clay years ago when the dc were small but the details are lost in a baby brain fog.

I can’t decide whether to use a regular salt dough recipe and colour it brown or use air dry clay.

Any thoughts?

@NoWordForFluffy

And here's my lovely raspberry vodka! 😍😍

(Plus the finished chilli jam!)

@NoWordForFluffy I was in the supermarket armed with a shopping list for the chilli jam recipe you posted and I cannot find a single chilli (I'm in France). May have to try the market.

My sticky tomato and onion chutney was a success though. Marmalade gin is still brewing away nicely 🙂

@thelegohooverer

Not sure about what dough to use but one year I'm planning to make a gingerbread house out of polymer clay. I was going to go to town on it with textures and lustre powders.
There's a great website called Miniature Sweet that does lots of polymer clay and resin stuff including pipe-able cream, sprinkles, candy canes, snow etc.

@DanceWithYourBalloon I’ll check that out.

@RubyFakeLips hope chicken is delicious. It’s a bit late but lots of information about brining here
www.greatbritishchefs.com/how-to-cook/how-to-make-a-brine
I’m still trying to decide whether to even try so well done on experimenting.

The chilli jams and vodka look great.

I'm probably too late for the chicken, but I'd use something to fill the excess space in the brining pan. Maybe just large plastic food bags filled with water. Or even put chicken and brining water in one then put that in any old container you have?

Hello all, I’m very late to the poncing party this year but have been reading along since September!

You’re all inspiring me to do some crafty poncing this year. It feels like this Christmas needs to be especially poncetastic after the last few years!

I'm doing Turkey this year, it's my first time and I'm vegetarian so I always find the big event meat main courses a bit nerve racking. I'm getting a crown but I'm going to brine it for the full ponce experience. Any tips on brining a crown appreciated.

I need some urgent advice. I’m brining a chicken to test Nigellas recipe.
TrickyD do you or your brining DH have an advice?

Sorry, RubyFakeLips I did not notice that your question to me was about the proportion of water, spices etc., not just a general question.

He says use the same amount of salt, flavourings etc for the 5.5l chicken mix as the 6l. one.

Hey poncers!

Chilli Jam and vodka look fantastic! And that embroidered star is beautiful.

No poncing has happened here. Except, predictably, more of the bought-in variety...bought a mulled wine jug with warmer.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule
Oh that is spectacularly poncetastic !

@Trumpton isn’t it just? I love it. Got a good deal as well; I just can’t resist a bargain...

Planning to get serious about the poncing starting this coming week. Will write up a plan in my planner of what order things needs doing so that I don’t get halfway into December and give up on half of it.

We’ve now decided we’re not doing a Christmas cake this year after all! Don’t quite know what we will end up doing instead.

I realised it was the perfect time to just go ahead and start! Currently sipping a (very small) glass of Aberlour, listening to the London Symphony Orchestra ‘Joyful Music for Christmas’ and have started on my mini cross stitch.

Chicken Brining update. Definitely a success, the word exquisite (not common parlance in this household) was actually used. Being objective I would say, definitely imparted some flavour but very delicately (you can’t taste it through gravy), which I can imagine being lost in the big day proceedings but perhaps come through in a leftover sandwich. Also, meat was moist, but (!) I’m quite a good chicken roaster, I haven’t dried one out in a fair few years, so no way of knowing how truly beneficial this was on dry turkey. I’d basically say no ill effects but I wasn’t wowed, others were, no harm no fowl

I will also attempt a dry brine for comparison but as the brining seems to mainly involve chucking endless fripperies in a large tub of water (specifically 4 cloves Nigella? Really?!) there’s no real effort or inconvenience that I can justify not doing it.

@OnTheHillNotOverIt thank you for excellent link. One thing I did notice is general consensus that smaller the item, the less the brining time. Concerned on reading, I yanked my chicken out at 10am today (had been soaking for 36 hours approx) but there was no noticeable saltiness at all, but I have been quite thirsty post meal! So I’d say, if you are considering brining and have the chance to roast a chicken pre-Christmas, it’s a worthwhile experiment. Maybe it’s down to personal taste. This chicken was corn fed if that makes a difference…

Sorry @didireallysaythat & @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule fellow briners I'd meant to @ you both in my previous post.

On the gingerbread stuffing, I halved the recipe, which I think would still have served 8 as part of a wider meal and cooked on 200 as per instructions but found it was catching early on and quite easily so reduced to 180 and covered in foil for rest of the cooking time. Very easy to make ahead.

We aren't sold, I don't eat pork so didn't try it, but it was declared too sickly and a 'bit nothing'. My understanding was that a lot of the ginger flavour was lost. I served, as I intend to at Christmas, with carrots caramelised in orange and thyme, and general consensus was that it's too much sweetness, especially with the carrots. As I'd swap my least favourite toe for those carrots I won't be choosing them over the stuffing.

I will continue my earch for the perfect, ideally pork free, stuffing.

Ah glad it was a success!

I’m not sure now specifically each of the elements of why we hated it so much as it’s a long time ago, but I know it was unanimous and as we spend a whole lot on a very good turkey I know I don’t ever want to try it again in case we find it just as awful as we remember! But it obviously does seem to work well for a lot of other people. I guess it depends on what texture/flavour/etc one likes.

Every time we discuss turkey/goose/duck/chicken on these threads I get so hungry and always very badly want a roast! Greedy 😆Fortunately that’s exactly what we’re having today so I won’t have to wait long to have my chicken dinner...😋

Hmmm. I know a very sweet stuffing will easily be too sickly for most of us, so I might look at jazzing it up a bit. Definitely want it to taste of ginger so I might add extra, and will think about adding some savoury element(s) to balance it out a bit. Since I’ve already bought the cake/bread I’ll have to use it...thanks for the review!

No @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule you're completely right, Turkey always costs a bloody fortune and DH has to make a special trip, particularly inconvenient trip, to collect on the 23rd. To waste it would be insanity. I'm so grateful you mentioned you'd had an issue as I probably wouldn't have been as driven to experiment without your comment and had I not experimented I probably would have become progressively more concerned as it soaked culminating in me spending Christmas morning repeatedly staring at the pot in panic.

There is still scope for me doing a turkey crown roast in November and brining that as a final test. I'm very conscious, despite the success, a chicken is not a turkey.

Re it being very sweet, you will notice the cake has a particularly sticky sugary top layer. I did wonder should I have sliced this off to reduce sweetness. Maybe bulk out with extra breadcrumb too and yes definitely a few extra spices and herbs would do it good.

@RubyFakeLips

Sorry *@didireallysaythat & @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule* fellow briners I'd meant to @ you both in my previous post.

On the gingerbread stuffing, I halved the recipe, which I think would still have served 8 as part of a wider meal and cooked on 200 as per instructions but found it was catching early on and quite easily so reduced to 180 and covered in foil for rest of the cooking time. Very easy to make ahead.

We aren't sold, I don't eat pork so didn't try it, but it was declared too sickly and a 'bit nothing'. My understanding was that a lot of the ginger flavour was lost. I served, as I intend to at Christmas, with carrots caramelised in orange and thyme, and general consensus was that it's too much sweetness, especially with the carrots. As I'd swap my least favourite toe for those carrots I won't be choosing them over the stuffing.

I will continue my earch for the perfect, ideally pork free, stuffing.

I would be interested in any pork-free stuffing recipes. I've reduced meat intake this year and am not eating pork at all and am already wondering how I'm going to manage without my usual stuffing and sausage rolls at Christmas!